Started dating a college guy while I was a high school junior, because he seemed cool and mature. All of the sudden, during a drive to the movies, he says “Just so you know, my dick is pretty small.” I was kinda taken aback, because it legitimately came out of nowhere, but okay. Maybe he’s just self-conscious.
Fast forward to later that night, we’re fooling around a little in the car. He takes it out, and it’s gotta be like two, maybe three inches max. Okay, well, at least that makes a blowjob easy. So I go in for the blow, and before I even put my mouth on, I’m hit with this overwhelming stink of rancid odor. Came right back up and switched to a handy. Finished him off, then the dude didn’t even reciprocate. Had the nerve to call up a few days later saying that he could sneak me into his mother’s house for a quickie.
Went to Mexico and got two hookers for a threesome. First time with hookers, first threesome. Fuck it. With condoms at all times, btw.
All going great until she asks me what I want to do next. Anything I want. Duh, butt sex!
I was tired from banging both of them so I said, you get on top of me. Mistake #1.
Feels good. WAY tighter cause, you know, butt sex.
Mistake #2. Jackhammer it because, you know, hooker. She says, please go slow!! So I slow down….
She jumps up, it’s dark, and proceeds to have a bunch of liquid drop from her vag. I thought. Runs out of the room. Hooker #2 watches her just as I was and didn’t understand. Until the smell…
Wasn’t vag liquid. Apparently, the jackhammer triggered her next bowel movement, which happened to be liquid, and it’s ALL over my stomach and legs. The 2nd hooker goes, “Dios mio…” and sits there. At that point, we both cover our noses and I say, look, I’m not cleaning this shit. You two are getting paid, get something quick!
She spends the next 10 mins cleaning me up. I ask to shower. I hear hooker #1 making fucking poop noises from the bathroom with the shower. I have to wait, naked, until she’s done crapping.
She exits. I shower, thoroughly. Come back out. The kicker….
Both are in the bed and say, come on back and we do some more.
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