BAD SEX STORIES

nazzibastard

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Started dating a college guy while I was a high school junior, because he seemed cool and mature. All of the sudden, during a drive to the movies, he says “Just so you know, my dick is pretty small.” I was kinda taken aback, because it legitimately came out of nowhere, but okay. Maybe he’s just self-conscious.
Fast forward to later that night, we’re fooling around a little in the car. He takes it out, and it’s gotta be like two, maybe three inches max. Okay, well, at least that makes a blowjob easy. So I go in for the blow, and before I even put my mouth on, I’m hit with this overwhelming stink of rancid odor. Came right back up and switched to a handy. Finished him off, then the dude didn’t even reciprocate. Had the nerve to call up a few days later saying that he could sneak me into his mother’s house for a quickie.
Nope.
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Went to Mexico and got two hookers for a threesome. First time with hookers, first threesome. Fuck it. With condoms at all times, btw.
All going great until she asks me what I want to do next. Anything I want. Duh, butt sex!
I was tired from banging both of them so I said, you get on top of me. Mistake #1.
Feels good. WAY tighter cause, you know, butt sex.
Mistake #2. Jackhammer it because, you know, hooker. She says, please go slow!! So I slow down….
She jumps up, it’s dark, and proceeds to have a bunch of liquid drop from her vag. I thought. Runs out of the room. Hooker #2 watches her just as I was and didn’t understand. Until the smell…
Wasn’t vag liquid. Apparently, the jackhammer triggered her next bowel movement, which happened to be liquid, and it’s ALL over my stomach and legs. The 2nd hooker goes, “Dios mio…” and sits there. At that point, we both cover our noses and I say, look, I’m not cleaning this shit. You two are getting paid, get something quick!
She spends the next 10 mins cleaning me up. I ask to shower. I hear hooker #1 making fucking poop noises from the bathroom with the shower. I have to wait, naked, until she’s done crapping.
She exits. I shower, thoroughly. Come back out. The kicker….
Both are in the bed and say, come on back and we do some more.
 

nazzibastard

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This dude just had no rhythm. At all. It was a really weird set of thrusts. So I thought fuck it, I’ll take control and started riding him. To which he continued the weird, uncoordinated and non-rhythmic thrusts.
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He rubbed his dick between my butt cheeks until he came, not realizing he wasn’t actually in me.
It was not deliberate.
 

nazzibastard

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I met a guy on eHarmony. After our second date, we went to his apartment to, basically, get drunk and have sex. He goes down on me and after a few minutes, I end up in excruciating pain. I look down and see blood everywhere. He bit off a piece of my fucking vagina.
 

nazzibastard

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Found some white creature that was alive inside girl’s vagina after I’d been going down on her.
It was some white creature that was wriggling around.
I can’t remember the specifics of it now. I just remember she went straight to the doctor the next day and got some antibiotics which cleared it up. Thankfully it wasn’t an STD or anything.
I also remember spewing and washing my mouth out like never before.

Made me think twice about vaginas.. for at least a couple of months.
:(
 

nazzibastard

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So a few years ago I had brought a new girl back to my apartment after being out drinking all evening. We were too drunk to make the beast with two backs so we passed out until morning.
When we awoke we started kissing and canoodling and I decided to go down on her. This is one of my favorite things and generally will do it as long as it takes to make a girl orgasm…

Anyway, I head down south and pull down her panties to see the hairiest bush i’ve ever seen in my life. Not only is it hairy but the hair is very long and also messy looking, kind of bedraggled. Like a homeless guys beard or an abandoned birds nest.
Slightly less enthused but still determined I plunged in face-first and started getting busy. The taste of this beaver, if possible, was worse than it looked. It was fetid and bitter and to make matters worse I had numerous pubic hairs caught in my throat which were tickling me and making me cough.
I decided to pull back for a second to regain my composure. I thought if I pulled open her lady-bits I might be able to have a better angle of attack on her clit. I opened up her pussy to a terrible sight. There were multiple lumps of what looked like cottage cheese dotted around her pussy lips and clit.
Each lump ranged from a few millimeters in width to half a centimeter in size. It looked like some sort of fungus was growing there.
Needless to say I was fucking revolted and started gagging. I knew that despite my love of pussy I could not go down on her again without puking my guts up. I mumbled some excuse about a headache and not feeling good and fled to the bathroom, whereupon I spent ten minutes washing my mouth out and brushing my teeth.
Even now I shudder when I think back upon “cottage cheese pussy girl”.
 

Seamajor

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TheHaze

If my dog doesn't like you, I probably won't eithe
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nazzibastard

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i sucked licked poked this jucie peach once when i was about 18 teen woke up in the morning when to toilet looked in mirror and had blood all over my face well it was hard to tell i was red faced
 

TheHaze

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i sucked licked poked this jucie peach once when i was about 18 teen woke up in the morning when to toilet looked in mirror and had blood all over my face well it was hard to tell i was red faced
Did you pop a hemorrhoid on your boy friends ass ?
 

nazzibastard

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i sucked licked poked this jucie peach once when i was about 18 teen woke up in the morning when to toilet looked in mirror and had blood all over my face well it was hard to tell i was red faced
Did you pop a hemorrhoid on your boy friends ass ?
.I see you no what I am talking about then