Deathstalker

SirSuperSouthern

It's always 5:55, bitch
Messages
458
#1
*stretches, pulls hand out of underwear, wipes it on pants*

Gentlemen, this movie is for yuo. It comes it at a bone-shaking 4.6 at IMBD, out of 5. I mean 10. And I'll tell you why:

ACTING: Z- The great news is that it's so bad that it's honestly funny, no punches pulled - ever!

Writing
: F Pointless though, you won't notice that.

So why am I writing a move made in 1983 you probably haven't heard about? Wheeellllll, I'll explain.

You see, from the first few seconds, it shows rape, good guy fighting the bad guy off, who then proceeds to try to rape the naked women who just kinda went from being clothed from one scene with exposed titties in the next. Exactly.

Now it turns into a movie of swords and wizards! Um, sorta. Every moment has decapitations or 80s nudity. Are the bitches all ugly tramps who signed on just to hope to trampoline that... acting... into some Hollywood bullshit. No. Fuck no. They're all 80s pretty and are almost always topless and pantiless, though we get no muff. But we get long scenes of the camera man slowly going up their legs, and stopping at their asses while some dudes are fighting to some of the worst music I've ever heard.

Goes like this: topless biatch screaming for some reason. Cut into our muscle bound, line forgetting hero who proceeds to kill and decapitate his foes. Once they're dead, our shirtless 80s babe jumps on his dick. Then our hero turns around after busting a nut to fight interesting creatures, stolen straight out of Star Wars or original. Doesn't matter, it gives you a chance to pause and dash to the fridge and back.

Eventually, the movie turns into a combat tournament. But the night before it starts, well, the biggest naked tits in the... movie... start mud wresting while everyone else is getting krunk, fighting, or fucking another topless cunt. No, I won't get into what I've seen in other... films... but during this super fighting super 80s titties shaking in ways that defy physics, the single most "eewwww" scene of cannibalism occurs while watching all the tit filled action. Oh, and the party has genuine dwarves doing dwarf shit!

Naked tits, death, naked ass, death, naked tits, more naked tits, then all of a sudden the final tournament begins and some of it is somewhat watchable for senseless fun. And tits. *again - 80s tits: no scars, no shitty implants (90s tits).

I have a feeling Troma stole a lot from this beauty. That's right faggots, some of the topless ladies of prudence were casted straight out of Playboy. Yep. No nose jobs or any other bullshit, just natural women running, bouncing around outta nowhere for no reason. Lots of times. The mud fight is so awesome; at one point in the middle of a party no-holds-barred, free-for-all, the camera zooms away from it to show some natural 80s tits for absolutely no real reason other to show the viewers mud-covered F-cups while a Playboy monthly winner is strapped to a wall with HER tits out which are at LEAST 8/10 - large, perky even though they're laaaarge, with puffy nipples (some fucking how, I'm no physicist?).

Just do it. No, don't Just Do It and go out and pay for Nike Air shoes you'd pop on your ways out of Footlocker. Just rip this ripe winner off TPB and get around to it whenever you're bored or slightly interested. The music, acting, dialogue are all hilariously bad - but I can't count how many tits and asses I just watched using my fingers, toes, and God made cock (that I may have been massaging the entire time). *shrug*




SSS
- go for it, brolo. and all the dudes are serious weight lifters (not actors), so you proper ladies might like it as little as possible as the word "like" means
 

Stinkyfinger

Dedicated Deviant
Messages
6,228
Location
UrANUS
#7
Holy FUCK Texan paleface ...do you EVER post anything people read ??
Same could be said for you dick nose lol.
Hey ole' smoothyyyyyyy ...lmao

Be careful around the chip dip over the holidays big guy you're liable to break a wrist over a chip with too much dip you little bald cretin .... :LMAO::LMAO::LMAO::LMAO::LMAO::LMAO2::LMAO2::LMAO2::ROFL::ROFL::LOL1::LOL2::LOL2::LOL2::LOL2::LOL2::Excited3::Excited3::Excited3::Excited3::Excited3::Excited3::Excited3::Excited3::Excited3::ROFL3::ROFL3::ROFL3::ROFL3::ROFL3::ROFL3::ROFL3::ROFL3::ROFL3::ROFL3::ROFL3::ROFL3::ROFL3::ROFL3::ROFL3::ROFL3::ROFL3::ROFL3::daFuq::daFuq::daFuq::daFuq::daFuq::daFuq::daFuq::FU::FU::FU::FU::FU::FU:
 

Blazor

Dedicated Deviant
Elite Bastards
Messages
2,049
#8
Holy FUCK Texan paleface ...do you EVER post anything people read ??
Same could be said for you dick nose lol.
Hey ole' smoothyyyyyyy ...lmao

Be careful around the chip dip over the holidays big guy you're liable to break a wrist over a chip with too much dip you little bald cretin .... :LMAO::LMAO::LMAO::LMAO::LMAO::LMAO2::LMAO2::LMAO2::ROFL::ROFL::LOL1::LOL2::LOL2::LOL2::LOL2::LOL2::Excited3::Excited3::Excited3::Excited3::Excited3::Excited3::Excited3::Excited3::Excited3::ROFL3::ROFL3::ROFL3::ROFL3::ROFL3::ROFL3::ROFL3::ROFL3::ROFL3::ROFL3::ROFL3::ROFL3::ROFL3::ROFL3::ROFL3::ROFL3::ROFL3::ROFL3::daFuq::daFuq::daFuq::daFuq::daFuq::daFuq::daFuq::FU::FU::FU::FU::FU::FU:
Right on man! Make sure you dont lean over your dip bowl either, guests wont appreciate all the jizz that falls out of your dick nose :Grin3:
 

SirSuperSouthern

It's always 5:55, bitch
Messages
458
#11
Faces of Death is slow and pretty boring.

Traces of Death, on the other hand, shows nothing but rapid deaths without explanations to non-stop heavy metal...



SSS
- I saw FoD when I was 14
 

The Countess

Dedicated Deviant
Messages
191
#12
Faces of Death is slow and pretty boring.

Traces of Death, on the other hand, shows nothing but rapid deaths without explanations to non-stop heavy metal...



SSS
- I saw FoD when I was 14

I remember my parents and aunt and uncles keeping us kids in the room while they watched some hooks eating a monkeys brains. I believe I was five years old
 

SirSuperSouthern

It's always 5:55, bitch
Messages
458
#13
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom...





SSS
- most hated that one, it's easily my favorite - flaming heart!
 

Blazor

Dedicated Deviant
Elite Bastards
Messages
2,049
#14
Faces of Death is slow and pretty boring.

Traces of Death, on the other hand, shows nothing but rapid deaths without explanations to non-stop heavy metal...



SSS
- I saw FoD when I was 14

I remember my parents and aunt and uncles keeping us kids in the room while they watched some hooks eating a monkeys brains. I believe I was five years old
Lol, I saw Faces of Death at an early age too. I remember them eating the monkey brains!
 

Blazor

Dedicated Deviant
Elite Bastards
Messages
2,049
#15
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom...





SSS
- most hated that one, it's easily my favorite - flaming heart!
Kalima!!!!!!





I actually got a photo of me somewhere holding a fake heart going Kalima! lol
 

Blazor

Dedicated Deviant
Elite Bastards
Messages
2,049
#16
Faces of Death is slow and pretty boring.

Traces of Death, on the other hand, shows nothing but rapid deaths without explanations to non-stop heavy metal...



SSS
- I saw FoD when I was 14
Speaking of metal, that toon Heavy Metal was pretty cool as a kid.
 

The Countess

Dedicated Deviant
Messages
191
#17
Faces of Death is slow and pretty boring.

Traces of Death, on the other hand, shows nothing but rapid deaths without explanations to non-stop heavy metal...



SSS
- I saw FoD when I was 14

I remember my parents and aunt and uncles keeping us kids in the room while they watched some hooks eating a monkeys brains. I believe I was five years old
Lol, I saw Faces of Death at an early age too. I remember them eating the monkey brains!


that desensitized me big time. I was watching horror flicks to put my ass to sleep by age 7
 

Blazor

Dedicated Deviant
Elite Bastards
Messages
2,049
#18
Faces of Death is slow and pretty boring.

Traces of Death, on the other hand, shows nothing but rapid deaths without explanations to non-stop heavy metal...



SSS
- I saw FoD when I was 14

I remember my parents and aunt and uncles keeping us kids in the room while they watched some hooks eating a monkeys brains. I believe I was five years old
Lol, I saw Faces of Death at an early age too. I remember them eating the monkey brains!


that desensitized me big time. I was watching horror flicks to put my ass to sleep by age 7
Lol, I think that is one of the things with us forum fuckers, we were all desensitized LONG ago lol.
 
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