- Messages
- 5,247
- Location
- meltdown
Warning!!!
The Cockface Killer is gonna gi'cha!
Goregasm can't even be found at the piratebay because it doesn't fall into any specific category, except maybe porn. No plot, no genuine actors, no female models that are seen naked right before being killed. I suppose it briefly mentions the 13 Sex Fetishes and sorta show how they go. Kinda. But they always involve brutal nudity, hilarity, and the deputy cop who should at least be awarded a Razzie statue and accept it with grace, like his waitress did when he rudely demanded more coffee at a diner and the waitress grabbed his empty cup and farted into it.
So the movie begins with a couple smoking a joint and readying themselves for sex. The bitch is no model but she has big natural tits like this:
Hers are that big but much fuller and look great for the first pair we see. Her nipples are also placed higher and a bit darker. So we're two minutes into it and some badass heavy metal starts to play and Cockface Killer busts through the wall and beats them both to death with a forearm sized, wobbly brown dildo. From there on the movie spends a few minutes to give reason for couples to fuck before being murdered via chainsaw or thick brown dildo; then fucked by the dick hanging off Cockface Killers chin in whatever hole he creates.
None of the ladies in this flick are pretty or even in shape:
Probably all got offers after they sashayed off stage at strip clubs. They're not the stars. The best character to come along on film is the outrageous cop on the hunt for the killer(s). He gets off work one night, goes home to his trailer, states "I hate my fuckin' life.", gets in bed with his wife and buttfucks her while petting one of his many Rambo posters on the wall. Turns out she was dead all along. The next day he tosses his female partner a cup that bursts open and spills all over her. He says "That's evidence - cum from my dead wife's ass."
If you're reading this you've seen all of humanity's grotesque and/or interesting fetishes, which were all obvious until it was time for Fetish #6 Being Fucked Like a Little Bitch. That's what happens to our cop hero when CLAM nabs him. They're a gang of women who hate all men. Their leader bends the cop over and starts pegging his with an electric strapped on dildo. He winds up cumming. The leader of CLAM hates all men because she was kidnapped once and got raped by 500 Russians in a 24 hour period. When she told her story, we got to see her getting fucked, and her fantastic natural large breasts bounce and shake for a few minutes. It was great, they looked pretty similar to this:
My jeans need to come with more crotch room, dammit. Sadly, that bitch dies in the final face-off between her and CFK. She's a force to be reckoned with until CFK tosses his iconic wobbly long thick brown dildo into the air and punches it. The thing travels through the air until it kills the CLAM queen by entering her eye and exiting the back before CFK starts to immediately fuck the hole with the dick on his chin. Good stuff, I say.
What was also hilarious is that when our cop "hero" went out killer hunting, he dressed up like Rambo with a hilarious wig kept on his head with the iconic red Rambo bandana. He warned the dude he was with not to say shit about it or he'd kill him with all the rest. He also angrily slapped a blow-up doll that he was trying out that he pulled out from under a dead fatass whose sex swing couldn't hold him up for ver long and he broke his neck. His excuse for being seen blowing the doll back up and fucking it, including slapping its head while talking dirty to it, was brilliant.
There are only a few slow times to build characters that all come off as completely unnecessary except for the CLAM queen. The conversations are pretty poorly written and the jokes fall flat for the most part. So, here are my ratings:
Cast/Actors - 3/10
Writing - 4.5/10
Music: 10/10 - all awesome heavy metal during CFK scenes of killing naked/fucking couples.
Overall: Fucking classic
This film feels like it was specifically made for me and you. It's like a Troma film on super-'roids due to all the nudity, real sex, and shockingly hilarious bullshit that I wish I'd been able to edit and change some of the jokes; uncredited or under SirSuperSouthern. Turns out the first and third ones are genuinely just lame - Goregasm is the second film in the series and worth every peso you'll need to spend in order to watch it. That's right, I actually made a drunken decision to buy a copy off amazon for $8. I've thrown money at far worse things before...
SSS
- "...adventure in death, drugs, and perversion!" < Truth
Last edited:
