Jokes thread

bahumbas

puny and deadly
Messages
273
Location
Thailand
#1
Any jokes you wish to share. This is the place to share them.
Ok I will start us off.
How many women does santa have?
Hoe hoe hoe
 

TheHaze

If my dog doesn't like you, I probably won't eithe
Elite Bastards
Messages
1,971
#2
There is already a joke trend on page 6- - - - - -
 

bahumbas

puny and deadly
Messages
273
Location
Thailand
#4
Why does the teacher have to wear sunglasses?
because the students are so bright
 

TheHaze

If my dog doesn't like you, I probably won't eithe
Elite Bastards
Messages
1,971
#5
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD ?

IF A ROASTER IS ON TOP OF A BARN AND LAYS A EGG WHICH WAY WILL THE EGG ROLL,RIGHT OR LEFT ?
 

TheHaze

If my dog doesn't like you, I probably won't eithe
Elite Bastards
Messages
1,971
#6
 

TheHaze

If my dog doesn't like you, I probably won't eithe
Elite Bastards
Messages
1,971
#8
His name was Bubba, he was from Mississippi ... And he needed a loan, So ... he walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan Officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an International Redneck Festival for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000; and that he was not a depositor of the bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Redneck handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank. The Redneck produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.

Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Redneck from the South for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's private underground garage and parked it.

Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn & Bradstreet and found that you are a Distinguished Alumni from Ole Miss University, a highly sophisticated investor and Multi-Millionaire with real estate and financial interests all over the world. Your investments include a large number of wind turbines around Sweetwater, Texas.

What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The good 'ole boy replied, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?"

His name was BUBBA....

Keep an eye on those southern boys!

Just because we talk funny does not mean we are stupid.
 

rT5000

Cocky Bastard
Elite Bastards
Messages
3,227
Location
Halfway up Ben Nevis
#9
Mate of mine died when he fell from a skyscraper in Dubai. Not saying it was tall or anything, but his obituary was in the paper before he hit the ground.
 

rT5000

Cocky Bastard
Elite Bastards
Messages
3,227
Location
Halfway up Ben Nevis
#11
I've fucked up everything I've tried to do in my life so tonight I decided to slash my wrists. Cut my fucking thumb opening the packet of razor blades.
 

rT5000

Cocky Bastard
Elite Bastards
Messages
3,227
Location
Halfway up Ben Nevis
#12
My neighbour's head popped over the fence this morning...Closest I've ever been to ISIS...
 

chew the fat

[unofficial] Internet Doctor.
Messages
801
#13
I feared my wife had Tourette's, so I took her to see a psychiatrist.

The good news? She's not got it.

The bad news? I am a cunt and she does want me to fuck off.
 

bahumbas

puny and deadly
Messages
273
Location
Thailand
#14
A lawyer is sitting on an airplane with a blonde. The lawyer told the blonde want to play a little game to kill some time? The blonde said no. The lawyer kept nagging her until she said yes. So the lawyer tells the blonde that each person take turns ask a question and if the lawyer can't answer he will give the blonde 50 bucks if the blonde can't answer the blonde should give the lawyer 5 bucks. The blonde starts first and she ask what's got 5000 arms and 4675 legs and has 23456 eyes? The lawyer thinks about it for a while, calls his friend, did an internet search and he couldn't figure it out. So he pays the blonde 50 bucks and gives up. So what's the answer ask the lawyer. The blonde pays him 5 bucks.
 

chew the fat

[unofficial] Internet Doctor.
Messages
801
#15
My German girlfriend likes to rate my sexual performances on a scale of 1-10.


Last night we tried anal.

She kept yelling 9...9...9.

That's the best I've ever done.
 

bahumbas

puny and deadly
Messages
273
Location
Thailand
#16
A house wife writes on her diary about how her husband has been distant to her and that she might have to move back to her parents home and get a divorce. She had tried everything to please her husband. Things like make his favorite dish and giving him back rubs.
Meanwhile in her husband diary the pages are almost empty and the only thing written on there is mancester lost.
 

TheHaze

If my dog doesn't like you, I probably won't eithe
Elite Bastards
Messages
1,971
#17
 

Johnny

Flaming Hetrosexual
Messages
10
Location
Nashvegas
#18
What is TULSA backwards?.....A SLUT
What is A SLUT backwards?....$10
 

Pocketful of Sunshine

Dedicated Deviant
Elite Bastards
Messages
2,932
#19
A lawyer is sitting on an airplane with a blonde. The lawyer told the blonde want to play a little game to kill some time? The blonde said no. The lawyer kept nagging her until she said yes. So the lawyer tells the blonde that each person take turns ask a question and if the lawyer can't answer he will give the blonde 50 bucks if the blonde can't answer the blonde should give the lawyer 5 bucks. The blonde starts first and she ask what's got 5000 arms and 4675 legs and has 23456 eyes? The lawyer thinks about it for a while, calls his friend, did an internet search and he couldn't figure it out. So he pays the blonde 50 bucks and gives up. So what's the answer ask the lawyer. The blonde pays him 5 bucks.
Did you forget part of the joke?
 

chew the fat

[unofficial] Internet Doctor.
Messages
801
#20
My girlfriend and I were having sex the other day when she looked at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies."

So I fucked her in the ass, pulled out, and came all over her face and hair.

I guess we don't watch the same movies.
 
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