Jokes

realgrimm

∙·▫ᵒᴼᵒ▫ḊḭṠṘḔḠḀṘḊḔḊ ṼḭṠḬṏṆḀṙẏ▫ᵒᴼᵒ▫∙·
Super Moderator
#22
Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"
"'Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say.".

"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"

"I'll never tell.""Was it Nina Capelli?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"

"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Four months vacation and five good leads!"
 

TheHaze

If my dog doesn't like you, I probably won't eithe
Elite Bastards
Messages
3,204
#26
For a couple years I 've been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked. The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work. 2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work. Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work. At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work. Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes.
 

TheHaze

If my dog doesn't like you, I probably won't eithe
Elite Bastards
Messages
3,204
#27
 

Jeannie

Dedicated Deviant
Messages
1,776
#29
i heard a good one

this idiot is running 4 prez
 

Dageaux

Dedicated Deviant
Elite Bastards
Messages
427
#36
You got me.

I guess I'm in trouble now. You better send
 

Jeannie

Dedicated Deviant
Messages
1,776
#37
it was so corny lol
ah hoooo!! XD
 

TheHaze

If my dog doesn't like you, I probably won't eithe
Elite Bastards
Messages
3,204
#38
Age Discrimination at Car Dealership...


A retired older couple return to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde in a mini skirt and a halter.

"I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the $155,000 asking price," said the older man. "Yet I just heard you closed the deal for $130,000 to the lovely young lady there. You insisted there could was no way you could discount this model."

"Well, what can I tell you? She had the ready cash and, just look at her, how could I resist?" replied the grinning salesman.

Just then the young woman approached the senior couple and gave the car keys to the old man......

"There you go," she said. "I told you I could get that asshole to lower the price.................

See you later, dad."
 

chew the fat

[unofficial] Internet Doctor.
Messages
1,075
#40
I rang 911 the other day because two women were fighting over me.

The operator asks “well, whats the emergency”?

I said “the bloody ugly one is winning”.
 
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