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I try mental exercises iys worked for the past 35 years since my step father was stabbed and died in my arms I got PTSD from that
 

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Mr. Excitement
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You can't think that way. I know exactly what that feels like. You need to train your mind to kick that out of your head.
 

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Mr. Excitement
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This may sound silly, but it works for me. My all time favorite baseball player is Frank Thomas.
 

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Mr. Excitement
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When I get bad thoughts in my head I simply imagine him taking a huge swing and hitting those thoughts out the fucking ball park.
 

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Maybe the sb isn't the best place to discuss your issues. If you ever want to talk send me a pm.