Okay, so I have this cousin I've never met

[LotusBud]

in London. We've emailed quite a bit and spoken on the phone.

She's actually a little (a lot?) irritating. She wants to come visit me in Portugal and for me to go visit her in London. I, just, well, no, just NOPE... Don't know how to wriggle out of this.

 

[Admin.]

A couple of my Cousins went to Germany and met some of our German cousins,(I'm 1/3rd German) had a great time and heard a some stories about some of our common Ancestors.

 

[LotusBud]

A couple of my Cousins went to Germany and met some of our German cousins,(I'm 1/3rd German) had a great time and heard a some stories about some of our common Ancestors.

Yeah. I was all excited to meet her. My great grandmother has a stained glass window in the church near my cousin's home. We have a common ancestor in Switzerland. Stuff like that. But then we spoke on the phone. Talked for about an hour the first time. She is rude and abrasive. If I don't immediately respond to her emails, she sends me a rude email demanding to know why. I can't imagine spending days with her. It's very disappointing and weird.

 

[Lily]

Maybe just keep putting her off for various and sundry reasons, and speaking to her less and not responding to her email messages. Slowly ghost her, she'll get the message.

I've been found by cousins, that I knew as a kid. but don't really want to engage with as "family". I see them as "relatives". I just say that I'm estranged from most relatives and don't want to engage with any others at this point in my life. I've said the classic, "it's me not you." Never rude, just standoffish. That side of my relatives is pretty dysfunctional and problematic, just don't want to allow those kind of people into my life. But I also don't much care if they take offense since I don't want them in my life.

I don't know where you see her in yours and if it will cause waves of drama to other members of your extended family.

 

[LotusBud]

Maybe just keep putting her off for various and sundry reasons, and speaking to her less and not responding to her email messages. Slowly ghost her, she'll get the message.

I've been found by cousins, that I knew as a kid. but don't really want to engage with as "family". I see them as "relatives". I just say that I'm estranged from most relatives and don't want to engage with any others at this point in my life. I've said the classic, "it's me not you." Never rude, just standoffish. That side of my relatives is pretty dysfunctional and problematic, just don't want to allow those kind of people into my life. But I also don't much care if they take offense since I don't want them in my life.

I don't know where you see her in yours and if it will cause waves of drama to other members of your extended family.

I'm the only one I know of who is communicating with her. My brother never responded to her emails at all.

 

[Lily]

I'm the only one I know of who is communicating with her. My brother never responded to her emails at all.

Probably slowly ghosting her is best. If she has that personality, she's probably worn her welcome with other relatives out.

 

[LotusBud]

Probably slowly ghosting her is best. If she has that personality, she's probably worn her welcome with other relatives out.

Yes, I'm sure she has. Sigh.

 

[Lily]

Yes, I'm sure she has. Sigh.

Go with that gut instinct, it's for the best in the long run and from what you post you don't need her. You seem to have plenty of friends you've made in your knew life and I assume old friends as well.