Flynn
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- Reaction score
- 3,675
“BASTARD FACTORY”
Pilot Episode:
“You’re Fired Again”
Open
INT. BASTARD FACTORY STUDIOS – EXECUTIVE FLOOR – MORNING
The office looks like a luxury hotel designed by someone going through three divorces simultaneously.
Assistants sprint through the hallway carrying scripts, coffee, and emotional trauma.
Inside the giant glass office, FLYNN (late 30s, sharp, terrifyingly competent, devastatingly attractive) is on three phones at once.
FLYNN: No, we cannot reboot Casablanca as a TikTok dance competition (Heartbeat)
Actually hold on—who’s attached?
She hangs up. Immediately another line rings.
FLYNN: If the actor’s tiger has a trailer bigger than the writers again, I’m calling OSHA and PETA on Fashionista.
The office doors BURST OPEN.
Enter BASTARD FACTORY himself.
60s. Former action star. Sunglasses indoors. Silk robe under a trench coat. Holding a margarita at 9:04 AM.
BASTARD FACTORY: FLYNN!
Everyone in the office freezes.
BASTARD FACTORY: You’re fired.
Nobody reacts anymore.
Flynn calmly signs paperwork.
FLYNN: Morning to you too, tequila Batman.
BASTARD FACTORY: You embarrassed me at poker last night.
FLYNN: You tried to pay your debt with autographed headshots.
BASTARD FACTORY: Collectors value those!
FLYNN: The casino framed one as evidence.
BASTARD FACTORY points dramatically.
BASTARD FACTORY: Security! Escort her out!
Two security guards appear.
Chew The Fat: Again?
Gary From Grindr: Should we wait ten minutes this time?
BASTARD FACTORY: OUT!
Flynn stands.
FLYNN: Fine. Have fun running a studio with the human equivalent of LinkedIn spam emails.
She gestures toward ALTICUS and JACK standing nearby.
ALTICUS wears an expensive suit from Walmart.
JACK looks like a failed youth pastor turned out.
ALTICUS: We can handle operations.
JACK: Absolutely. Flynn creates a toxic atmosphere.
FLYNN: Jack, your hairline filed for separation.
Jack instinctively covers his forehead.
JACK: Low blow.
FLYNN: Not as low as your employee approval rating.
She exits.
SMASH CUT TO:
TITLE CARD: “BASTARD FACTORY”
ACT ONE INT. EXECUTIVE CONFERENCE ROOM – LATER
Alticus and Jack lead a meeting disastrously.
A presentation screen reads:
“NEW VISION FOR BASTARD FACTORY STUDIOS”
Subheading:
“CONTENT IS KING. WE ARE THE KING.”
ALTICUS: We need younger audiences.
JACK: More edgy.
ALTICUS: More authentic.
A PRODUCER raises a hand.
Fredricka: Your new superhero movie is about a sentient vape pen.
JACK: Exactly. Viral.
Fredricka: It killed three interns during testing.
ALTICUS: Innovation requires sacrifice.
The room stares.
INT. BASTARD’S OFFICE
Bastard Factory watches horse racing while getting a spray tan.
His assistant rushes in.
Diego: Sir, our stock dropped twelve percent.
BASTARD FACTORY: That’s impossible. I tweeted “movies are back.”
Diego: You spelled movies with two B’s and a gun emoji.
Bastard Factory thinks.
BASTARD FACTORY: That is powerful branding.
INT. BREAK ROOM
Employees panic.
Coffee machine sparks violently.
Flynn enters carrying a box of her belongings.
Everyone GASPS hopefully.
X: Please tell me you’re not actually leaving.
Fredricka: Jack just approved a six-part documentary about himself.
The Cuntess: Alticus replaced HR with “vibe evaluations.”
Flynn pauses.
FLYNN: How bad?
Reggie Essent: A PA got fired for “walking with limiting energy.”
Flynn closes her eyes.
FLYNN: Oh my gawd!
Pilot Episode:
“You’re Fired Again”
Open
INT. BASTARD FACTORY STUDIOS – EXECUTIVE FLOOR – MORNING
The office looks like a luxury hotel designed by someone going through three divorces simultaneously.
Assistants sprint through the hallway carrying scripts, coffee, and emotional trauma.
Inside the giant glass office, FLYNN (late 30s, sharp, terrifyingly competent, devastatingly attractive) is on three phones at once.
FLYNN: No, we cannot reboot Casablanca as a TikTok dance competition (Heartbeat)
Actually hold on—who’s attached?
She hangs up. Immediately another line rings.
FLYNN: If the actor’s tiger has a trailer bigger than the writers again, I’m calling OSHA and PETA on Fashionista.
The office doors BURST OPEN.
Enter BASTARD FACTORY himself.
60s. Former action star. Sunglasses indoors. Silk robe under a trench coat. Holding a margarita at 9:04 AM.
BASTARD FACTORY: FLYNN!
Everyone in the office freezes.
BASTARD FACTORY: You’re fired.
Nobody reacts anymore.
Flynn calmly signs paperwork.
FLYNN: Morning to you too, tequila Batman.
BASTARD FACTORY: You embarrassed me at poker last night.
FLYNN: You tried to pay your debt with autographed headshots.
BASTARD FACTORY: Collectors value those!
FLYNN: The casino framed one as evidence.
BASTARD FACTORY points dramatically.
BASTARD FACTORY: Security! Escort her out!
Two security guards appear.
Chew The Fat: Again?
Gary From Grindr: Should we wait ten minutes this time?
BASTARD FACTORY: OUT!
Flynn stands.
FLYNN: Fine. Have fun running a studio with the human equivalent of LinkedIn spam emails.
She gestures toward ALTICUS and JACK standing nearby.
ALTICUS wears an expensive suit from Walmart.
JACK looks like a failed youth pastor turned out.
ALTICUS: We can handle operations.
JACK: Absolutely. Flynn creates a toxic atmosphere.
FLYNN: Jack, your hairline filed for separation.
Jack instinctively covers his forehead.
JACK: Low blow.
FLYNN: Not as low as your employee approval rating.
She exits.
SMASH CUT TO:
TITLE CARD: “BASTARD FACTORY”
ACT ONE INT. EXECUTIVE CONFERENCE ROOM – LATER
Alticus and Jack lead a meeting disastrously.
A presentation screen reads:
“NEW VISION FOR BASTARD FACTORY STUDIOS”
Subheading:
“CONTENT IS KING. WE ARE THE KING.”
ALTICUS: We need younger audiences.
JACK: More edgy.
ALTICUS: More authentic.
A PRODUCER raises a hand.
Fredricka: Your new superhero movie is about a sentient vape pen.
JACK: Exactly. Viral.
Fredricka: It killed three interns during testing.
ALTICUS: Innovation requires sacrifice.
The room stares.
INT. BASTARD’S OFFICE
Bastard Factory watches horse racing while getting a spray tan.
His assistant rushes in.
Diego: Sir, our stock dropped twelve percent.
BASTARD FACTORY: That’s impossible. I tweeted “movies are back.”
Diego: You spelled movies with two B’s and a gun emoji.
Bastard Factory thinks.
BASTARD FACTORY: That is powerful branding.
INT. BREAK ROOM
Employees panic.
Coffee machine sparks violently.
Flynn enters carrying a box of her belongings.
Everyone GASPS hopefully.
X: Please tell me you’re not actually leaving.
Fredricka: Jack just approved a six-part documentary about himself.
The Cuntess: Alticus replaced HR with “vibe evaluations.”
Flynn pauses.
FLYNN: How bad?
Reggie Essent: A PA got fired for “walking with limiting energy.”
Flynn closes her eyes.
FLYNN: Oh my gawd!
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