Admin.
Clean up on aisle 47
- Reaction score
- 15,535
An ode to a seething worm.
To be completely frank, we don’t know all that much about Stephen Miller over here in Denmark.
Yet, if we close our eyes and really tap into the vibe, we instantly picture a sprightly little harbinger of spring, dispatched straight from the heavens above to spread unadulterated goodwill and joy throughout the world.
You’d be hard-pressed to find a more precious, plump little sweet marzipan pig anywhere in Washington.
He radiates the kind of bodily warmth usually reserved for a walk-in freezer at the county morgue.
If you look into those two vast, dark, bottomless eyes, and the thought immediately hits you: Here is a soul who tucks himself into bed each night, cuddling a soft little teddy bear, whispering: “How can I make life just a little cozier and more comforting for the world’s despondent refugee children first thing tomorrow morning?”
It is downright touching! The man’s entire physiognomy simply screams for a hug. He looks like someone who would gladly spend his Saturday afternoon baking vegan sourdough rolls for the local scout troop, softly crooning Danish lullabies to an orphaned kitten.
Whenever Stephen steps up to the mic at a press briefing—blessed with that completely irresistible, tender, practically erotic whisper of a cadence that brings to mind a cold scalpel dragged across a marble slab—you can practically feel tolerance, humanism, and Christian charity washing in waves across the American continent.
And consider his caretaking instinct! Who else but a true philanthropist, a bona fide Mother Teresa squeezed into an absurdly tight gray suit, would possess the grand, visionary foresight to realize that toddlers are, in fact, best served by sleeping on bare concrete behind chain-link fences, swaddled in crinkling foil blankets?
It is Scandinavian pedagogy at its absolute finest! Crisp ventilation, firm boundaries, and zero unnecessary coddling.
The man is practically a modern-day Maria Montessori—merely accessorized with a pair of handcuffs and an ironclad administrative decree.
He is a ray of sunshine—a pale, government-certified ray of sunshine who genuinely wants nothing but the best for all of us. Provided, of course, that we boast at least five generations of certified pedigree and exit the room walking backward, bowing deferentially before the most draconian clauses of the legal code.
Cheers to that, dear friends. May each and every one of us find a partner who gazes upon us with the exact same smoldering warmth that Stephen Miller reserves for a deportation order
To be completely frank, we don’t know all that much about Stephen Miller over here in Denmark.
Yet, if we close our eyes and really tap into the vibe, we instantly picture a sprightly little harbinger of spring, dispatched straight from the heavens above to spread unadulterated goodwill and joy throughout the world.
You’d be hard-pressed to find a more precious, plump little sweet marzipan pig anywhere in Washington.
He radiates the kind of bodily warmth usually reserved for a walk-in freezer at the county morgue.
If you look into those two vast, dark, bottomless eyes, and the thought immediately hits you: Here is a soul who tucks himself into bed each night, cuddling a soft little teddy bear, whispering: “How can I make life just a little cozier and more comforting for the world’s despondent refugee children first thing tomorrow morning?”
It is downright touching! The man’s entire physiognomy simply screams for a hug. He looks like someone who would gladly spend his Saturday afternoon baking vegan sourdough rolls for the local scout troop, softly crooning Danish lullabies to an orphaned kitten.
Whenever Stephen steps up to the mic at a press briefing—blessed with that completely irresistible, tender, practically erotic whisper of a cadence that brings to mind a cold scalpel dragged across a marble slab—you can practically feel tolerance, humanism, and Christian charity washing in waves across the American continent.
And consider his caretaking instinct! Who else but a true philanthropist, a bona fide Mother Teresa squeezed into an absurdly tight gray suit, would possess the grand, visionary foresight to realize that toddlers are, in fact, best served by sleeping on bare concrete behind chain-link fences, swaddled in crinkling foil blankets?
It is Scandinavian pedagogy at its absolute finest! Crisp ventilation, firm boundaries, and zero unnecessary coddling.
The man is practically a modern-day Maria Montessori—merely accessorized with a pair of handcuffs and an ironclad administrative decree.
He is a ray of sunshine—a pale, government-certified ray of sunshine who genuinely wants nothing but the best for all of us. Provided, of course, that we boast at least five generations of certified pedigree and exit the room walking backward, bowing deferentially before the most draconian clauses of the legal code.
Cheers to that, dear friends. May each and every one of us find a partner who gazes upon us with the exact same smoldering warmth that Stephen Miller reserves for a deportation order
