LOL, SSS check this article out from ol' CJ...........
To get myself into the spirit of the Easter holiday, I did what any good Jew would do. I played a drinking game to
The Passion of the Christ.
Sure, some might label such an act a "hell-worthy" sin or a one-way ticket to "damnation-ville." But I prefer to view the game as a pious sacrament. If Jesus is, indeed, suffering for my sins, shouldn’t I be suffering along with him? Thus, for every atrocity in the movie committed against the Lord and Savoir (including allowing it to be directed by Mel Gibson), I force myself to take a shot of gut-rot, plastic-bottled tequila. It’s my little way of saying, "I sympathize, my Jewish brother."
For those of you worrying about the destruction I’ve wrought upon my immortal soul in two short paragraphs, I’ll remind you that the whole "suffering in remembrance" style of worship is, in fact, a very Jewish way to approach a holiday. Don’t believe me? If you’ll recall, we’re mid- Passover right now, a holiday that tells us: "3,000 years ago our ancestors suffered without bread, so now we should spend a week out of every year not eating bread." Isn’t that kind of like saying "if your parents worked hard to put food on the table and a roof over your head, for the rest of your life, no matter how successful you may be, you should spend a week living on the streets and eating out of garbage cans to thank them." I’m sure that’s exactly what your parents wanted by working so hard.
Back to the movie. I had forgotten just how funny it is. I know it was common for people in theaters to start crying, but I’m pretty sure I was the only person in my theater crying from laughter. Blasphemous, I know, but the entire story is ridiculous. And I don’t mean that to be the stab at Christianity some of you more shocked and appalled folks are thinking it is. I mean it to be a stab at Mel Gibson and Miramax. It made $370 million in the theaters. And who knows how much the DVD sales pulled in. And yet, did I mention Miramax was started by two brothers named Harvey and Bob Weinstein? Are we supposed to believe
The Passion of the Christ was written for the benefit of Christians? Does Hollywood think we’re that gullible?
Sadly, most of us are, and
The Passion became, in its genre, the top grossing movie of all time.
Was
The Passion of the Christ actually intended to be the epic portrayal of sacrifice meant to inspire all Christians? On this holy day, I’d like to argue that it was not. Harvey and Bob Weinstein were simply using Mel Gibson as a pawn in the larger, Jewish conspiracy that’s been whispered among us "Chosen Folks" for hundreds of years.
Before I retell the true story of the resurrection, let it be known here that if you never hear from me again, the conspiracy theory must be true. We could be talking about some serious, and ironic, Mel Gibson in
Conspiracy Theory type of shit could be going down right here on the pages of CJ. Only I have no Julia Roberts to back me up. Just remember, the information I’m revealing was never supposed to leave the circles of the hook-nosed-ones. I know this precaution sounds extreme, but even though they don’t look it, the Jews are a powerful bunch. As my dad used to say: "You never need to know how to fight if you own people who can fight for you."
With that caution said, here it is… the true story of the resurrection:
For thousands of years, the Jewish priests had a monopoly on monotheism. Who could practice it, who could perform miracles, and who was in charge were all dictated by the elders of the temple. But then this Jesus of Nazareth character and his small, start-up form of Judaism was becoming the Mac to the High Priests’ Microsoft. Sure it wasn’t as powerful, but damn did it look cool, and boy was it easier to use. Plus, something about it just made prospective buyers want to smile.
The elder Jewish priests bitched and moaned and bitched and moaned until the government stepped in (a government, though not overtly controlled by the Jews, was no doubt influenced by powerful and wealthy Jewish lobbies). Pontius Pilot, who, the day before, had "coincidentally" been seen tooling around the old city in his new, deluxe chariot fresh off the lot of one of the temple elders’ sons, gave the command to have Jesus tortured and executed, and blah, blah, blah, what would eventually become the suffering for the sins of man.
So Jesus takes his little cross and drags it up to the top of the hill. But while he’s making the trip, Mary Magdalene manages to slip him a gold coin she "worked" extra hard for.
Everything is going swell, and the elders are just about to have the Savior’s final hand nailed to the cross when, using the last of his energy, Jesus manages to dig the coin out of his loin cloth and toss it down the hill.
Though hardly audible to gentiles, the sound of money hitting the ground to a Jew is, for folks like you and I, akin to the sound of an air horn. The Jewish elders chased the coin down the hill, leaving Jesus, with the help of Mary and Co., an opportunity to escape.
When the elders returned and discovered the cross empty, they simply told everyone he had been killed (thus accounting for his relatively brief stint on the cross before death), and went home to observe the Sabbath. When, three days later, people began reporting sightings of Jesus, the Jews simply continued their lie, expecting people to believe their word over a few nut jobs.
The only problem was that these nut jobs were continuously growing in numbers. But the elder priests saw a perfect business opening. That fool, Jesus, had told his followers they couldn’t loan money. But the Jews still could. The elders had to make a decision: Either use their considerable force to stop the spread of Christianity, or let Christianity continue to grow, providing a bigger market for their money lending companies.
The choice they made, as you can plainly see, was for the latter, and the rest is history.
Keep it extra kosher on this early Easter Sunday,
Lol,
@Aryan and
@UncleDiLF ^^^^^^