OP
OP
- Reaction score
- 21,532
- Location
- Where the forest meets the sea.
SITREP: War-Ravaged Portland – Frog Line Holds
Date: During DHS Secretary Kristi Noem’s Visit
AO: Downtown Portland, Near Protest Lines
1. SITUATION
In the midst of the Secretarys high-profile visit, local resistance forces deployed their most unconventional asset to date: The Frog.
Dressed in a full inflatable amphibian combat suit (Type: Unknown, likely Amazon Prime surplus), the operative positioned himself directly on the protest line, facing down a heavily armored law enforcement formation. The frog maintained composure under intense verbal barrage and multiple flashlights, holding the line with the serenity of a rubber pool toy at DEFCON 1.
2. CONTACT REPORT
During the initial exchange, The Frog reportedly took a pepper ball directly to the faceplate, resulting in temporary retreat. Unshaken, the operative executed a rapid tactical withdrawal, conducted a flawless Frog Suit Changeover Drill, and redeployed in a spare frog suit—because, of course, he had one.
This single fact tells you everything you need to know about Portland:
“They don’t just bring costumes… they bring backups.”
3. ENEMY FORCES
• Mixed law enforcement contingent
• Equipped with riot armor, ballistic helmets, less-lethal launchers
• Exhibited confusion when confronted by a 6-foot amphibian refusing to break eye contact.
4. FRIENDLY FORCES
• Frog (callsign: Amphibious One)
• Various bystanders with cell phones, patchwork protest signs, and at least one guy in tie-dye who appeared to be there for “vibes” more than objectives.
5. TERRAIN & WEATHER
Urban, night operations, concrete jungle. Spray-painted asphalt demarcates the line between order and absurdity. Light wind, ideal for inflatable suit operations.
6. ASSESSMENT
• Morale: Sky-high on the frog side.
• Tactical impact: Minimal.
• Symbolic impact: Devastating. Law enforcement line momentarily stalled, likely questioning life choices.
7. RECOMMENDATION
Future visiting dignitaries should be briefed on the Portland Amphibious Defense Protocols (PADP). Reinforcement units should consider carrying extra frog suits to avoid being out-costumed.
END OF REPORT
Date: During DHS Secretary Kristi Noem’s Visit
AO: Downtown Portland, Near Protest Lines
1. SITUATION
In the midst of the Secretarys high-profile visit, local resistance forces deployed their most unconventional asset to date: The Frog.
Dressed in a full inflatable amphibian combat suit (Type: Unknown, likely Amazon Prime surplus), the operative positioned himself directly on the protest line, facing down a heavily armored law enforcement formation. The frog maintained composure under intense verbal barrage and multiple flashlights, holding the line with the serenity of a rubber pool toy at DEFCON 1.
2. CONTACT REPORT
During the initial exchange, The Frog reportedly took a pepper ball directly to the faceplate, resulting in temporary retreat. Unshaken, the operative executed a rapid tactical withdrawal, conducted a flawless Frog Suit Changeover Drill, and redeployed in a spare frog suit—because, of course, he had one.
This single fact tells you everything you need to know about Portland:
“They don’t just bring costumes… they bring backups.”
3. ENEMY FORCES
• Mixed law enforcement contingent
• Equipped with riot armor, ballistic helmets, less-lethal launchers
• Exhibited confusion when confronted by a 6-foot amphibian refusing to break eye contact.
4. FRIENDLY FORCES
• Frog (callsign: Amphibious One)
• Various bystanders with cell phones, patchwork protest signs, and at least one guy in tie-dye who appeared to be there for “vibes” more than objectives.
5. TERRAIN & WEATHER
Urban, night operations, concrete jungle. Spray-painted asphalt demarcates the line between order and absurdity. Light wind, ideal for inflatable suit operations.
6. ASSESSMENT
• Morale: Sky-high on the frog side.
• Tactical impact: Minimal.
• Symbolic impact: Devastating. Law enforcement line momentarily stalled, likely questioning life choices.
7. RECOMMENDATION
Future visiting dignitaries should be briefed on the Portland Amphibious Defense Protocols (PADP). Reinforcement units should consider carrying extra frog suits to avoid being out-costumed.
END OF REPORT
