And some Polack jokes too!
Polack and dog
Q: How can you tell the difference between a dog and a polack who have been run over by a car.
A: For the polack, there won't be any skid marks.
I posted this cause I don't understand the joke can someone explain it ( it doesn't help that I'm polish)
A Polack goes to the eye doctor
the doctor asked if he could read the bottom line of the eye chart, which showed: CZYNQWSKI. To which the Polack responded; "Yeah, I know the guy."
Polack places his order...
A Polish man walks up to the counter and order a polish sausage, fries and a coke. The man behind the counter asks him if he is Polish. He reponds by asking him if he would ask him if he was Mexican if he ordered a taco, or if he were Italian if he ordered a slice of pizza. The man responds "no." "So why are you asking me if I'm polish?" asks the Polish guy. The man behind the counter tells him "this a hardware store, sir."
A polack and a czechoslovakian went missing in a forest.
A search party of hunters formed and they went looking for the two and came upon two very large bears mating. They shot and killed the bears and cut the female bear open and found the polack's remains in her belly. One of the hunters replied "I guess the Czech's in the male"
A Frenchman, a Jew and a Polack
A Frenchman, a Jew and a Polack are each sentenced to thirty years in prison. Each man is given one request that will be honored by the jail warden.
”A woman,” asks the Frenchman.
”A telephone,” says the Jew.
”A cigarette,” says the Polack.
Thirty years later the Frenchman walks out with the woman and ten kids.
The Jew strolls out carrying a ten thousand dollar commission he has made during the time.
The Polack walks out and says, ”Has anyone got a match?”
An Italian, an Irishman, and a Polack are in line for a job interview.
The Italian is up first. He walks into the boss’s office and notices the boss is completely ear-less.
The boss says to him “Mr. Marino, I don’t have a lot of time so I’ll get to the point. I like people who are observant and can speak their mind. Say one thing about me!”
The Italian says “You don’t have any ears.”
“How dare you!” Screams the boss! Get the hell out of my office! Go on get out!!!!!” NEXT!
The Irishman walks in looking perplexed. The Boss gives him the same speech.
“Mr. O’Donnell, don’t have a lotta time so I’m gonna get to the point, I like people who are honest, observant, and can speak their minds. Now, say one thing you notice about me.”
“Uh, you don’t have any ears?” The Irishman says.
“GET THE FUCK OUT! HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT ME LIKE THAT. YOU GOT A LOT OF NERVE. GEEEEET OUT!” The boss yells.
The frustrated Irishman walks out of the office and looks at the Polack with consolation.
“What’s with him?” the Polack asks?
“Beats me, but whatever you do, don’t bring up the fact that he doesn’t have ears.” The Irishman replies as he sulks out into the lobby.
The Polack straightens his tie and walks into the office.
“Ah, Kowalski! It’s about time you showed up.” The boss exclaims. “I’m gonna keep this short and sweet. I don’t have a lot of time, I’m not much for chatting, I like people who both have the courage to say what’s on their mind, and can make astute observation. Now, say one thing you notice about me.”
“Well” the Polack says “You seem to be wearing contact lenses.”
“Incredible! That’s amazing.” The boss replies. I do wear contact lenses, Kowalski! How did you know I wear contact lenses?”
“Well” the Polack says, I knew there was no way you could wear glasses, being as that you have no ears...Oops.
How do you break a Polacks finger?
Punch him in the nose.
Compare rates and save at Progressive.com
We'll help you find a great rate. Even if it's not with us.
[NSFW] A retired polish porn star moves to America with his family.
He eventually gets to old to live by himself during the days no one is there so they find him a home. His son asked him, "how are they treating you, are you enjoying it?"
"Yes!" He replied, "They treat everyone here with much respect! Tom down the hall was a doctor and they still call him Dr...
u
A black guy sees an ad in the paper...
...that says, "Come and enjoy a relaxing afternoon floating down the river followed by a champagne party!" Well, the guy thinks this sounds pretty good and so heads on down to the marina. But as soon as he gets there, 3 white guys jump out of the bushes. They strip him naked, tie him to a log and throw him in.
So he's floating along, pondering his predicament, when he spots a Polack who's also naked and tied to a log.
He says to the Polack, "I bet we don't get champagne, either!"
The Polack says, "We didn't last year."
Three guys are sitting in a bar
The first guy says, "Hey, you two wanna hear a Polack joke?". The bartender says "Hey, take it easy, I'm Polish". The first guy says "That's ok, I'll tell it slow"
Role Playing
So a guy says to his Polish friend, "I really envy you. You've been married for over ten years, and you still get along great with your wife. How do you do it?"
"Role playing," says the Polack.
"What do you mean, 'role playing?'" asks his friend.
"Well," says the Polack, "sometimes my wife will get dressed up and play the part of a gorgeous nurse; other times she'll be a sexy French maid, and sometimes she'll play the part of a damsel in distress with her clothes half torn off."
"That sounds great!" says the friend. "And what parts do you play?"
"Oh, for me, it's always the same," says the Polack. "I'm always the husband who is out of town."
One of my favorite Polish jokes
A Polack goes to the eye doctor. The bottom line of the eye chart has the letters:
C Z Y N Q S T A S Z.
The Optometrist asks, "Can you read this?"
"Read it?" the Polack replies, "I know the guy."
Two polacks are driving in a car
The driver: Stick your head out the window and see if my directional is working. Is it on?"
The passenger:" Uh yep. nope. yep. nope. yep. nope"