- Reaction score
- 5,174
- Location
- Far from yup!
***The black screen suddenly explodes to life with an interior shot of a sold out Madison Square Garden. The audience is in a frenzy.***
Fade Out: To the intro. A collage of Bastard Factory logos fill the screen.
Fade In: To the announcer table.
Joe Momma: Welcome to the pilot episode of Wednesday Night Explosion! I'm the one and only Joe Momma. My esteemed co-host is the owner of Wednesday Night Explosion, none other than Bastard Factory himself!
BF: Hey friend! It's great to be here. I'm barely here, I don't watch much...too busy making money, friend.
Joe: Um, okay, still weird as ever. What a night we have for you! In the main event we have Fredricka taking on Seamajor in a no disqualification match!
BF: What, friend?
Joe: We also have The Cuntess taking on Admin.
BF: I don't watch these. I'm making money, and snorting coke right now. Right, friend?
Joe: Erm...also we have a gigantic grudge match as Jack takes on Alticus. Two former mods, and two former friends taking it to the squared circle. Should be one hell of a match.
BF: Alticus? He's my friend. Right, friend? Alicus is too power hungry, not enough brain cells, right friend?
***Joe just stares back at BF, then remembering it's live TV***
Joe: Alright then, onto our opening match.
Fade Out.
Fade In: The blue ring, with Chew The Fat having ring announcer duties as he introduces the first competitor.
CTF: This match is scheduled for one fall with a 15 minute time limit. Introducing first being rolled to the ring, hailing from the most annoying part of the butthole is Jack!!!
***Karma Chameleon blares from the 20 foot roof speakers as pink confetti starts falling. Jack is being rolled into the ring by an obvious gurl from his huge library of good gurl art. The crowd boos and hisses as they pelt Jack with used condoms and tampons. Jack still spry for his age catches a used maxi-pad with his teeth and eats it. Jack suddenly jumps out of his wheelchair clad in yellow polka dot spandex, and runs to the ring. Once in the ring Jack stumbles around flexing his biceps he has to push up to make a tiny baby muscle. He starts trolling the audience by telling them how "owned" they are.***
CTF: And his opponent wrestling out of his mom's basement...Alticus!
***Madonna's Like A Virgin pipes out of the speakers as Alticus comes running out wearing a red headband, cargo shorts, and a dirty tank top, he then trips and goes completely under the ring and comes out the other side sliding head first into some steel barriers, and knocking himself out cold.***
Joe: Oh my God! Oh my God! Alticus is out cold! Holy shit! Get somebody over there! Where is the medical personnel?
BF: Hey friend, Alticus has a good heart, but a too soft of a head. Right, friend? I hope he doesn't ask to be modded again, right friend?
Joe: I see medical personnel now. Good. I hope he's okay. Let's look at that replay...
CTF: And the winner of this match by technical knockout is...Jack!
Joe: Well, I hope our next match fares better than this one. Lets go down to the ring for the introductions.
CTF: This featured match is scheduled for one fall with a 15 minute time limit. Making his way to the ring from Kiddie Haven, Oregon...Admin!!!
***The theme from Toys R' Us crackles through the arena as Admin comes out dressed up like a leprechaun wearing all green spandex with the Keebler elf pointy shoes. The crowd erupts in boos as parents protect their kids as Admin walks slowly by eyeing all of the children he passes. Finally getting to the ring, he starts making jerking off gestures to the audience.***
Joe: Wow! I hope Admin can back this all up, because he is wrestling The Cuntess.
BF: Listen friend, The Cuntess is a fringe player. Not enough money to be made. Do you hear me friend?
CTF: And soon to be making her way down to the ring, hailing from Compton, California in the illegal immigrant zone is The Cuntess!!!
***The crowd erupts as huge pops are heard. Lily Allen's Fuck You can be heard at a deafening volume. The Cuntess makes her way to the ring wearing a gold silk body suit with diamond letters that spell, I.C.E. on the back, along with gold wrestling boots made in Mexico. The Cuntess is flanked on both sides by combat ready and weapon carrying I.C.E. agents in full riot gear.***
***The bell rings. Admin charges The Cuntess but she just throws him into the ropes and clotheslines him as he bounces back. Admin's empty head bounces off the hard wrestling ring floor ***
Joe: GODDAMN! Is Admin even alive after that?!
BF: Listen friend, too much money to be made.
***The Cuntess attempts to pick up Admin, but at the last minute he produces a smashed Twinkie. The Cuntess freezes, she looks confused.***
Joe: Great move by Admin!!! The Cuntess can't decide what she wants the most. To squash Admin or to eat the Twinkie.
BF: Hey friend, day trading, friend. Too much money to be made.
***Sensing hesitation Admin eye pokes The Cuntess and tries rolling her up in a small package. The ref is there, and counts...1...2...! The Cuntess kicks out. Admin grabs The Cuntess and stands her up and kicks her in the midsection, she doubles over as Admin executes a modified Famouser. The Cuntess goes down hard.***
Joe: This could be it! Admin nails The Cuntess with a Famouser!!!!
BF: See friend, too much money to be made.
***The Cuntess is layed out as Admin climbs the top turnbuckle. He gestures to the crowd while staring at a group of 16 year olds. He seems transfixed.***
Joe: Admin's wasting too much time.
***The Cuntess gets up and rushes to the turnbuckle, and rams it with her Buffalo sized shoulder, which makes Admin slip and fall onto the turnbuckle trapping him in a spread eagle position. He's trapped! The Cuntess sees this and wags her finger at him. She backs up to get a running start.***
Joe: She's not going to do it. Now way! Holy hell...she is gonna do it!
BF: Friend, I don't need mods, too much money to be made. Right, friend?
***The crowd is going nuts. Admin trapped can only shake his head in vain as The Cuntess thunders towards him making the ring buckle and kicks him right in the dick, launching him up in the air 10 feet high. As he comes down The Cuntess catches him on her dinosaur sized shoulders and hits him with a Samoan drop. The whole place shakes as the crowd chants..."Holy Fuck! Holy Fuck!" The Cuntess goes for the pin...1...2...3!!!!***
Joe: What a match! They'll need a spatula and some paint remover to get Admin off the mat. Congrats to The Cuntess!
BF: Yes, friend. Money to be made.
CTF: And the winner via pin fall, The Cuntess!!!
Joe: We'll be back after a word from our sponsors.
Fade Out.
Fade Out: To the intro. A collage of Bastard Factory logos fill the screen.
Fade In: To the announcer table.
Joe Momma: Welcome to the pilot episode of Wednesday Night Explosion! I'm the one and only Joe Momma. My esteemed co-host is the owner of Wednesday Night Explosion, none other than Bastard Factory himself!
BF: Hey friend! It's great to be here. I'm barely here, I don't watch much...too busy making money, friend.
Joe: Um, okay, still weird as ever. What a night we have for you! In the main event we have Fredricka taking on Seamajor in a no disqualification match!
BF: What, friend?
Joe: We also have The Cuntess taking on Admin.
BF: I don't watch these. I'm making money, and snorting coke right now. Right, friend?
Joe: Erm...also we have a gigantic grudge match as Jack takes on Alticus. Two former mods, and two former friends taking it to the squared circle. Should be one hell of a match.
BF: Alticus? He's my friend. Right, friend? Alicus is too power hungry, not enough brain cells, right friend?
***Joe just stares back at BF, then remembering it's live TV***
Joe: Alright then, onto our opening match.
Fade Out.
Fade In: The blue ring, with Chew The Fat having ring announcer duties as he introduces the first competitor.
CTF: This match is scheduled for one fall with a 15 minute time limit. Introducing first being rolled to the ring, hailing from the most annoying part of the butthole is Jack!!!
***Karma Chameleon blares from the 20 foot roof speakers as pink confetti starts falling. Jack is being rolled into the ring by an obvious gurl from his huge library of good gurl art. The crowd boos and hisses as they pelt Jack with used condoms and tampons. Jack still spry for his age catches a used maxi-pad with his teeth and eats it. Jack suddenly jumps out of his wheelchair clad in yellow polka dot spandex, and runs to the ring. Once in the ring Jack stumbles around flexing his biceps he has to push up to make a tiny baby muscle. He starts trolling the audience by telling them how "owned" they are.***
CTF: And his opponent wrestling out of his mom's basement...Alticus!
***Madonna's Like A Virgin pipes out of the speakers as Alticus comes running out wearing a red headband, cargo shorts, and a dirty tank top, he then trips and goes completely under the ring and comes out the other side sliding head first into some steel barriers, and knocking himself out cold.***
Joe: Oh my God! Oh my God! Alticus is out cold! Holy shit! Get somebody over there! Where is the medical personnel?
BF: Hey friend, Alticus has a good heart, but a too soft of a head. Right, friend? I hope he doesn't ask to be modded again, right friend?
Joe: I see medical personnel now. Good. I hope he's okay. Let's look at that replay...
CTF: And the winner of this match by technical knockout is...Jack!
Joe: Well, I hope our next match fares better than this one. Lets go down to the ring for the introductions.
CTF: This featured match is scheduled for one fall with a 15 minute time limit. Making his way to the ring from Kiddie Haven, Oregon...Admin!!!
***The theme from Toys R' Us crackles through the arena as Admin comes out dressed up like a leprechaun wearing all green spandex with the Keebler elf pointy shoes. The crowd erupts in boos as parents protect their kids as Admin walks slowly by eyeing all of the children he passes. Finally getting to the ring, he starts making jerking off gestures to the audience.***
Joe: Wow! I hope Admin can back this all up, because he is wrestling The Cuntess.
BF: Listen friend, The Cuntess is a fringe player. Not enough money to be made. Do you hear me friend?
CTF: And soon to be making her way down to the ring, hailing from Compton, California in the illegal immigrant zone is The Cuntess!!!
***The crowd erupts as huge pops are heard. Lily Allen's Fuck You can be heard at a deafening volume. The Cuntess makes her way to the ring wearing a gold silk body suit with diamond letters that spell, I.C.E. on the back, along with gold wrestling boots made in Mexico. The Cuntess is flanked on both sides by combat ready and weapon carrying I.C.E. agents in full riot gear.***
***The bell rings. Admin charges The Cuntess but she just throws him into the ropes and clotheslines him as he bounces back. Admin's empty head bounces off the hard wrestling ring floor ***
Joe: GODDAMN! Is Admin even alive after that?!
BF: Listen friend, too much money to be made.
***The Cuntess attempts to pick up Admin, but at the last minute he produces a smashed Twinkie. The Cuntess freezes, she looks confused.***
Joe: Great move by Admin!!! The Cuntess can't decide what she wants the most. To squash Admin or to eat the Twinkie.
BF: Hey friend, day trading, friend. Too much money to be made.
***Sensing hesitation Admin eye pokes The Cuntess and tries rolling her up in a small package. The ref is there, and counts...1...2...! The Cuntess kicks out. Admin grabs The Cuntess and stands her up and kicks her in the midsection, she doubles over as Admin executes a modified Famouser. The Cuntess goes down hard.***
Joe: This could be it! Admin nails The Cuntess with a Famouser!!!!
BF: See friend, too much money to be made.
***The Cuntess is layed out as Admin climbs the top turnbuckle. He gestures to the crowd while staring at a group of 16 year olds. He seems transfixed.***
Joe: Admin's wasting too much time.
***The Cuntess gets up and rushes to the turnbuckle, and rams it with her Buffalo sized shoulder, which makes Admin slip and fall onto the turnbuckle trapping him in a spread eagle position. He's trapped! The Cuntess sees this and wags her finger at him. She backs up to get a running start.***
Joe: She's not going to do it. Now way! Holy hell...she is gonna do it!
BF: Friend, I don't need mods, too much money to be made. Right, friend?
***The crowd is going nuts. Admin trapped can only shake his head in vain as The Cuntess thunders towards him making the ring buckle and kicks him right in the dick, launching him up in the air 10 feet high. As he comes down The Cuntess catches him on her dinosaur sized shoulders and hits him with a Samoan drop. The whole place shakes as the crowd chants..."Holy Fuck! Holy Fuck!" The Cuntess goes for the pin...1...2...3!!!!***
Joe: What a match! They'll need a spatula and some paint remover to get Admin off the mat. Congrats to The Cuntess!
BF: Yes, friend. Money to be made.
CTF: And the winner via pin fall, The Cuntess!!!
Joe: We'll be back after a word from our sponsors.
Fade Out.
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