#15

[Lily]

@Lily

I need advice. The eldest is approaching her quince. She wants to wear pants. Dad doesn’t want her to date until he is dead.

Is it wrong that I want her to do the dress and tiara?

I wouldn't force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. It's her quince. It's hers to enjoy and for everyone else to spoil if they make it about their wishes.

Did you have one, Lily? My mom said I wasn’t Mexican enough to have one lol

Nope, I'm an introvert and the idea horrified me. My daughter was the same way. I offered her a quince, then a sweet 16...no interest. When she turned 18 I convinced her to have a party with her friends at home.

Our birthday, we share a bday, is in the winter so I told her to have a party that was super casual. Had the boys dig a hole in the dirt, taught them to chop wood (none of them knew how), and had a bonfire. She went to a performing arts high school so she had her bestie male friend play his guitar...the kids sang, ate pizza, chips, drank soft drinks...no booze. I supervised but mostly stayed inside while coming out periodically to make sure they weren't up to any trouble.

They eventually came in and were spread all over the house just having a good time. More singing and adolescent silliness, but no fights, no bs. As the kids left, I heard one say "That was the best party ever."

She was so grateful and it is her last and best memory of her bestie. He was tragically killed when he was hit by a train within a week from the party. She was devastated but much later was happy she'd had that last memory of him playing and singing...

My mama said, you can barely speak Spanish. Your ass ain’t having no damn party that costs as much as a wedding

Yeah, it's stupid amount of money. I kind of feel that I was culturally removed from it too. Too many generations here in the US. My aunt was the only relative that I knew had one and that was in the late 1950s.

My sister revived the tradition with her girls. I thought it was a lot of money to show off for people that you really don't give one fuck about...but I was the good "supportive" aunt and did my part.

Yeah, I remember my grandma saying we ain’t them type of Mexicans. It would look stupid for one of us to have one.

the worst part of this is that I can feel your family endured horrific racism and that is why you can’t speak Spanish fluently

I also find it beautiful because your mother and grandmother didn’t resonate with this being necessary for YOUR journey

You married pocho? ¿Que No?

I can’t speak Spanish cuz it wasn’t my moms first language. I learned what I can speak from school. Honestly, the only racism I’ve experienced is from the paisa’s because I don’t speak Spanish a 100 mph. I understand it 100 percent tho lol

So, have you mostly been surrounded by other Latinos?

My Spanish is pretty damned good, but I'm not a native speaker and there is vocabulary that I sometimes don't know. When I have had to speak Spanish professionally, I own that "pocha" shit with no shame. I say in Spanish, excuse my Spanish, but I'm a pocha, but it you'll bear with me, I will explain...

They sometimes laugh with me or sometimes they have the grace to feel ashamed for that "pocho" shit.

I also find that we can't win when we're bilingual. If you approach them in Spanish, you get the hate because "you're" implying that they can't speak English. If you approach them in English then you're a stuck up pocha that thinks you're too good to speak Spanish.

So, at some point in my life I decided I'll speak whatever the hell comes out of my mouth at any given moment.

 

[Jeannie]

@Lily

I need advice. The eldest is approaching her quince. She wants to wear pants. Dad doesn’t want her to date until he is dead.

Is it wrong that I want her to do the dress and tiara?

Can I ask what "approaching her quince" means? Google is not my friend in this instance =)

it sounds a bit like a sweet sixteen party

*but at 15

…. curious and zero judgement for an honest response… but this milestone resonated with you enough to respond to my thread and I’m just curious…

What was going on with your family and friends when this milestone transpired for you?

no dresses, tiaras or trips 2 europe, just a birthday

i got a lot of money, gift cards and a kick butt stereo tho