This entire post is a complete lie. Australian women don't act like "here's the keys, trash him out for me"...you on the other hand are desperate to not have the narrative swing @Seamajor's way, and he seems to have all the goods, while all you have is this tissue paper made up story.
Mostly because of the very careful way it "absolves" you of your rather checkered past.

What would you know about aussie birds? Is there one at your local hospital who changed out your catheter once?
If so, she probably quit nursing right after not unlike DD quit foruming after Seaboobs tried to get digitally frisky with her.