Tell Us A Story

[Reggie_Essent]

This thread is to tell a story. It’s not for trolling, flaming or spamming memes. That’s why it’s up here.

If you post in this thread, just tell us a story. A story about you that has a beginning, a middle and an end. It can be about anything. An episode in your life that tells something about you. A funny episode from your childhood. A place you visited that was really cool. That time you got shot down in flames trying to pick up a hot chick at a bar. That time you woke up from a three day bender and wondered what the fuck happened.The first time you might have ever seen something …

I’ll start. Below is a story about the first time I ever saw a girl’s Hoo Ha.

 

[Reggie_Essent]

Juli’s Hoo Ha

My grandparents died within a year of each other when I was three or four years old. I only have vague and fuzzy memories of them alive, but I remember their house. My grandparent’s house is forever engraved upon my memory. My parents kept the house for nearly 15 years after my grandparent’s passed, and we’d go there three or four times a year throughout my childhood.

We’ll call the town where my grandparents lived and my mom was raised Sycamore Bend. That’s not the real name of the town, but an obscure novelist in the early 20th century once published a book that was based upon life in this town titled Sycamore Bend. If anyone wishes to sleuth the actual name of the town, feel free, then you’ll know the name of the town.

So we went out to Sycamore Bend one summer for a week or so over the July 4th holiday. I must have been all of seven years old. I don’t think it was when I was six, but it doesn’t feel like I was eight, so I must have been seven.

I remember going over to Juli Hart’s house to watch Mighty Mouse on a Saturday morning. She lived three houses over from my grandparent’s house. I don’t remember when I exactly met Juli, but we were almost the exact same age. Our birthdays were just a few days apart. All I can remember is that I knew her when I went over to her house on a Saturday morning to watch Mighty Mouse on her dad’s back and white tv.

After Mighty Mouse was over Juli yelled at her mom in the other room and said “We’re going outside to play!” We went out of the tv room to the front door. There was a boy standing against the screen door with his hands shading his eye peering into the house. It was Marty the Waterhead.

Marty was a retarded boy who lived in town and wandered about making a nuisance of himself He was a few years older than me and Juli and talked a lot and didn’t make any sense and all us kids were instructed to never let Marty into the house.

“What do you want, Marty?” Juli said, pushing the screen door open and forcing Marty to step back. He wasn’t quick enough and the outer slat of the old wooden screen door smacked Marty right on his water forehead. He had a big forehead.

“Hi! Can I come in and watch Mighty Mouse too? I already had lunch and there’s gonna be a movie man coming to the park and our tv’s busted so I can’t watch Mighty Mouse.”

“Shut up, Marty! Mighty Mouse is over,” Juli said.

“We were gonna go over to my house to have some butter cookies,” I said, being chivalrous and quick thinking even in those young days. None of us kids liked Marty. There was a vague creepiness about him that always remained undefined.


“You can’t come,” I finished according to the Prime Directive for all us kids of never letting Marty into the house.

“You can go in and get the cookies and bring them out on the porch and we can all swing on the porch swing. Or we can take them up to the park, Did you know the movie man is supposed to come? Let’s go to McKelvie’s and get a Mountain Dew. I have a dime.”

Marty would go on and on like that forever if you let him. McKelvie’s was the town grocery store where you could get a bottle of ice cold Mountain Dew for a dime out of a machine. But we really didn’t want to play with Marty so Juli came up with a great idea. “I know!” she burst out. “Let’s play hide and seek. Close your eyes and count to ten and we’ll go hide and you come find us.”

“OK.” Marty immediately put his face against one of the porch pillars and me and Juli scurried off the porch and ran for it. We didn’t even hear Marty counting as we ran, and Marty was kind of dumb so it would take him a while to count to ten. We dashed across Juli’s side yard and through the back yard of the next house over and then got to the Witchy Lady’s house right next door to my grandparent’s house.

The Witchy Lady was an old retired spinster lady. She’d been school teacher a thousand years before and had never married and grew blue ribbon cucumbers in her garden every year. I didn’t get the cucumber part until years later. But she did have a root cellar at the back of her house like a lot of old houses did back in those days. It was always open because she was always in her garden, but that day she wasn’t so me and Juli dashed into the root cellar because Marty was hollering and we could hear him coming after us.

We hid right behind the open root cellar door, crowding together shoulder to shoulder in the cool, dark shadow behind the door. We heard Marty right outside. “Guys! Guys!” he yelled. “Are you back here?” We held our breaths and huddled close in the shadow behind the door. Marty came to the open doorway and peeked into the dark. “Are you in here!” His voice sounded like the shout of a monster, but he didn’t step into the root cellar. There were a lot of stories about the Witchy Lady and her root cellar, and Marty had heard them all.

Finally Marty wandered away and me and Juli held our breaths and remained as quiet as mouses for a long, long time. Then I let out my breath and peeked around the door. Marty was no where in sight. “He’s gone!” I said triumphantly, stepping around the door to stand in the square of sunlight that came in through the root cellar door. Juli crept out and looked too.

“I gotta pee,” Juli said as soon as she saw the coast was clear. She stepped over to where an old bucket was against the root cellar wall, just inside the square of sunlight. She pulled down her shorts and arched her hips out and let out a bright stream of yellow pee right into the bucket. That made me realize that I had to pee too, so I pulled my pants down and peed into the bucket too.

“I didn’t know girls could pee standing up?” I asked as we peed together. My dad had taught me all about peeing, and he said girls always had to sit down.

“Girls can do anything,” Juli answered, squirting out the last bits of her pee. I remember the last drops falling from her girl crack catching the sunbeams as they fell into the bucket.

And that was that. She pulled up her shorts and I stuffed my dingus back in my pants and we went about the rest of our seven year old’s day. I think we may have had those butter cookies, but I can’t quite remember.

Epilogue

Years later, when I was 18 or 19 years old, I was back in Sycamore Bend because my father had passed away and my mother had to sell the property there. It happened to be over the 4th of July holiday. I went up to the high school to watch the fireworks and there, walking across the grass toward the ball field where the fireworks were shot off, was Juli Hart. She was with two other girls, but I only saw her. Radiant, like Venus rising from the foamy sea. We looked into each other’s face as she walked close and she smiled and said “Hi you!” and kept walking with her friends, The sight of her tight, oh so very tight jeans as she walked away will be with me forever. I never saw her again, but she remained in my spank bank for many years.

 

[realgrimm]

Cleaned -Please remain on topic..

 

[X]

One time I was little but then I grew up because I ate a lot

 

[Reggie_Essent]

One time I was little but then I grew up because I ate a lot

Tell us more, X. One time you told a cool story about jumping off your bike and helping someone that was getting beat up. I remember I called you a hero in the SB. Tell us a story like that.

 

[realgrimm]

Tell us more, X. One time you told a cool story about jumping off your bike and helping someone that was getting beat up. I remember I called you a hero in the SB. Tell us a story like that.

And dont forget the raccoon stories

 

[X]

Tell us more, X. One time you told a cool story about jumping off your bike and helping someone that was getting beat up. I remember I called you a hero in the SB. Tell us a story like that.

Fuck Reggie, I still have recollections of the sound it made when the hammer hit the guys head ffs ONE X DROP KICK completely ended the assault .. now I look back I must have been nuts but truth be told I was much bigger

 

[X]

And dont forget the raccoon stories

Ha ha ha that’s good, I like that one hahaha

 

[realgrimm]

Ha ha ha that’s good, I like that one hahaha

It reminded me of that raccoon whisperer guy on YouTube who ended up being a nightly stop for almost 50 trash pandas by feeding them crazy amounts of food .. he even figured out who was who and named them..haha

 

[X]

It reminded me of that raccoon whisperer guy on YouTube who ended up being a nightly stop for almost 50 trash pandas by feeding them crazy amounts of food .. he even figure who was who and named them..haha

Hotdogs!! That’s what he feeds them I know the vids ha ha I bought some cat food today and on the way home seen a mom and kid raccoon gave them the cat food had to go back to the store LOL

 

[realgrimm]

I had friend raccoons when I lived on Queen W , bunch of us would sit out on my roof a she would act all cute for food , 3 nights later she trusted me enough to bring her kids around we would all sit around enjoying ourselves, they enjoyed our company just as much as we enjoyed them playing with us

 

[realgrimm]

Another raccoon story, my folks live in the sticks and the raccoons there are next level, theyd swing around on the hammock, play in my parents fish pond (yes they ate all the fish).. we'd watch them from behind the patio doors.. theyd play for almost a half hour maybe longer depending on the sunrise..

 

[Reggie_Essent]

One time I came out to throw some garbage in the garbage cans, and three young raccoons were trapped inside the can. Scared the fuck out of me. I knocked over the can with a rake so they could escape.

 

[X]

One time I came out to throw some garbage in the garbage cans, and three young raccoons were trapped inside the can. Scared the fuck out of me. I knocked over the can with a rake so they could escape.

Literally LOL’d a fucking rake?? dude not sure I mentioned this already but you remind me so much of my uncle hahahhahaaaa he’s a biker type but not gang affiliated he’s older 71 so he got himself a trike bike it’s actually very very cool
Forgot to say he’s always telling me the raccoons shit on his bbq so he uses a rake to shush them away but they just come back when he goes .. I read raccoons will alway poop in the same place

 

[Holliday 3000]

I guh gh guh gong teh te teh teuh tell y'all a little story

'

Please, Log in or Register to view URLs content!

A poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed
Then one day he was shootin' at some food

Please, Log in or Register to view URLs content!

Please, Log in or Register to view URLs content!

Well the first thing you know, ol Jed's a millionaire
Kinfolk said Jed move 'way from thear
Said Californi is the place yeh oughter' be

Please, Log in or Register to view URLs content!

Please, Log in or Register to view URLs content!

Now its time to say good-bye to Jed and all his kin
They would like to thank you folks fer' kindly droppin' in
You're all invited back next week to this locality

Please, Log in or Register to view URLs content!

Please, Log in or Register to view URLs content!

That's what they call them now

Nice folks, y'all come back here

 

[Reggie_Essent]

I guh gh guh gong teh te teh teuh tell y'all a little story

'

Please, Log in or Register to view URLs content!

A poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed
Then one day he was shootin' at some food

Please, Log in or Register to view URLs content!

Please, Log in or Register to view URLs content!

Well the first thing you know, ol Jed's a millionaire
Kinfolk said Jed move 'way from thear
Said Californi is the place yeh oughter' be

Please, Log in or Register to view URLs content!

Please, Log in or Register to view URLs content!

Now its time to say good-bye to Jed and all his kin
They would like to thank you folks fer' kindly droppin' in
You're all invited back next week to this locality

Please, Log in or Register to view URLs content!

Please, Log in or Register to view URLs content!

That's what they call them now

Nice folks, y'all come back here

OK, that's a story but how it is about you? Surely a Might Angler like you has a "one that got away" story from all your fishing adventures? If you've told one in your fishing thread I missed it. I leave that thread alone purely out of respect for those who like fishing.

 

[Holliday 3000]

OK, that's a story but how it is about you? Surely a Might Angler like you has a "one that got away" story from all your fishing adventures? If you've told one in your fishing thread I missed it. I leave that thread alone purely out of respect for those who like fishing.

Oh sorry, it has to be about you. I didn't read that part. Your intro was TL;DR.

 

[Reggie_Essent]

Oh sorry, it has to be about you. I didn't read that part. Your intro was TL;DR.

Yes, there was no AI overview for people with the attention span of gnats. I'm sorry your life has been so boring that nothing interesting ever happened in it.

Thank you for your interest in this thread. Feel free to come back and tell us a little story if anything interesting ever does happens in your life. :)

 

[Holliday 3000]

Thank you for your interest in this thread.

.You're welcome, and as it happens I had a story, a true story of events which took place yesterday but by the time I got home I was too tired to write it all down, and this earlier today I was in a hurry to get out since with the pending 3 days of rain this will probably be my last day on the river for a while.
Now I'm kind of tired and need a shower and some bourbon, further to which I need to process being demodded.

....so......