The younger me was very loose with the fairer sex on what I found acceptable for female behaviour, but as I matured I realized that women are a great and noble gender with much to offer as long as they know their place in this world.
A world, or better put....a reality where the patriarchy is the sole reason humanity has advanced from bashing oats on a stone and randomly fucking.
So I present the 5 basic rules of my house.
1. NO consuming of pineapple on pizza within the sacred grounds of my home. Che Guevara said don't eat chillies, eggs, and shellfish to his retarded followers but those ingredients are FINE on a pizza because they don't taste like shit or give you early diabetes.
Eat the pineapple shit out on the deck on all fours or in the shed.
2. Menstruation is a nasty business. It's fucking gross and sometimes it can leave a lingering stank in closed rooms.
Do that shit outside on all fours or in the shed.
3. I will cook, you will eat, then clean up the kitchen cause equality and shit. You will also clean up the shitter at all times because of my gag reflex and you girls stink regularly.
Failure to clean up a mess is a time out on the deck or the shed.
4. I make/pack the lunches, do the budgeting and shopping, prepare the dinners. I'm pulling my weight as a modern man... therefore one of you (decide amongst yourselves on the day) will rise early and prepare for me:
a. One hot coffee made from a Robert Timms Columbian Blend single use bag steeped for not more than 4 minutes but a minimum of 3.
b. 2 pieces of toast, buttered, sliced diagonally, with 1 smothered in thick Vegemite, 2 in mashed avocado but only one with salt and pepper. The last one is up for grabs....surprise me and I might make your meatloaf sandwich extra thick.
c. A tumbler of fresh orange juice. If there is no pulp free from the supermarket left, I expect you to squeeze some oranges and use a fucking cheese cloth or drip coffee filter to get the pulp out. You know the pulp doesn't agree with me, especially if my coffee was steeped beyond 4 minutes.
5. Be sure to padlock the shed after I let you out. There are a lot of thieves and creeps around. Don't give them an easy target. I don't need to find some drunken bum sniffing your rags or licking your pineapple pizza boxes when I go out in the morning and feed your grandma.
A world, or better put....a reality where the patriarchy is the sole reason humanity has advanced from bashing oats on a stone and randomly fucking.
So I present the 5 basic rules of my house.
1. NO consuming of pineapple on pizza within the sacred grounds of my home. Che Guevara said don't eat chillies, eggs, and shellfish to his retarded followers but those ingredients are FINE on a pizza because they don't taste like shit or give you early diabetes.
Eat the pineapple shit out on the deck on all fours or in the shed.
2. Menstruation is a nasty business. It's fucking gross and sometimes it can leave a lingering stank in closed rooms.
Do that shit outside on all fours or in the shed.
3. I will cook, you will eat, then clean up the kitchen cause equality and shit. You will also clean up the shitter at all times because of my gag reflex and you girls stink regularly.
Failure to clean up a mess is a time out on the deck or the shed.
4. I make/pack the lunches, do the budgeting and shopping, prepare the dinners. I'm pulling my weight as a modern man... therefore one of you (decide amongst yourselves on the day) will rise early and prepare for me:
a. One hot coffee made from a Robert Timms Columbian Blend single use bag steeped for not more than 4 minutes but a minimum of 3.
b. 2 pieces of toast, buttered, sliced diagonally, with 1 smothered in thick Vegemite, 2 in mashed avocado but only one with salt and pepper. The last one is up for grabs....surprise me and I might make your meatloaf sandwich extra thick.
c. A tumbler of fresh orange juice. If there is no pulp free from the supermarket left, I expect you to squeeze some oranges and use a fucking cheese cloth or drip coffee filter to get the pulp out. You know the pulp doesn't agree with me, especially if my coffee was steeped beyond 4 minutes.
5. Be sure to padlock the shed after I let you out. There are a lot of thieves and creeps around. Don't give them an easy target. I don't need to find some drunken bum sniffing your rags or licking your pineapple pizza boxes when I go out in the morning and feed your grandma.