Declassified Dossier On Jack.

[X]

If you could only post a complete, correct sentence. Then maybe I won't be soooo "angry."

I only care about you, I wanna see you do better… don’t be a Fredricka

 

[ESAD TIA]

If you could only post a complete, correct sentence. Then maybe I won't be soooo "angry."

You don't seem furious, maybe mildly irritable.

 

[Seamajor]

Hard to know who to hate on a daily basis.

 

[Flynn]

I only care about you, I wanna see you do better… don’t be a Fredricka

What's wrong with Fred? Besides being a nomadic gypsy from the Middle East?

 

[Cookius Monstarius]

LOTS OF BLAH

So what you are saying here Hagitha is that jack is a lolcow.

 

[Flynn]

So what you are saying here Hagitha is that jack is a lolcow.

Yes. At his own expense.

 

[Fredricka]

What's wrong with Fred? Besides being a nomadic gypsy from the Middle East?

He didn't like getting 6 of the best

 

[ESAD TIA]

What's wrong with Fred? Besides being a nomadic gypsy from the Middle East?

I like Threadreeker but I do also enjoy pulling her hair and slinging non-sequitur insults at her.

 

[Fredricka]

I like Threadreeker but I do also enjoy pulling her hair and slinging non-sequitur insults at her.

People can be so mean at times :(

 

[ESAD TIA]

People can be so mean at times :(

This is me in neutral babycakes.

 

[Fredricka]

This is me in neutral babycakes.

Youre going to have to tone it down a bit, I'm sensitive and can't take this cruelty

 

[ESAD TIA]

Youre going to have to tone it down a bit, I'm sensitive and can't take this cruelty

You fucking love it.

 

[Flynn]

I like Threadreeker but I do also enjoy pulling her hair and slinging non-sequitur insults at her.

In other countries that's considered sexual assault.

 

[ESAD TIA]

In other countries that's considered sexual assault.

It is what it is dear Flynn.

 

[Fredricka]

I'll alert the authorities. See larry? That's a step up from your twit alerts

 

[Flynn]

It is what it is dear Flynn.

Hmmmmmm...interesting comeback, but I don't think it would hold up in a court of law.

 

[ESAD TIA]

Hmmmmmm...interesting comeback, but I don't think it would hold up in a court of law.

Oh I suppose you're right Flynn, maybe I should give up on the old gypo and just move on.

I appreciate you stopping me making a huge mistake.

You da GOAT!

 

[Fredricka]

Oh I suppose you're right Flynn, maybe I should give up on the old gypo and just move on.

I appreciate you stopping me making a huge mistake.

You da GOAT!

Is the old gypo me?

 

[Flynn]

Oh I suppose you're right Flynn, maybe I should give up on the old gypo and just move on.

I appreciate you stopping me making a huge mistake.

You da GOAT!

Yeah, there are better fish to go after.

I couldn't help but notice that you were kinda looking longingly at Holligay's booty hole as it puckered through the back of his denim overalls. Now far be it from me to tell you which male ass to go after, but there are waaaaay better male buttons to eat out

You should maybe sample some of the male delights BF really has to offer. I've compiled a list for you.

-X, he's mature, he knows what a cock feels like sliding in and out of his anus, and he likes it. Also, X has a nose that could be mistaken for a U.S. Cruise Missile, it's long and curvy. I hear he uses it in foreplay.

-Freud, at least Freud can pretend to be Dinky Diana if you ever have the pleasure of him going down on you. To picture it in your mind, just put a ripe Kiwi fruit between your legs and that's what it would look like if Freud sucked you off. From the screen shots Seamajor posted, DD also has a huge rack!

-LarryLotLizard, this one here at least when you talk to it will only spit out three replies, all of which are equally retarded. But the positive side is that LotLizardLarry has experience with the burliest of men, seeing he's a veteran with truckers.

-Jack, you'll just have to put up with his non-stop lies and stories. Seems you two have alot in common, and Jack from what X and Alticus told me is one hell of a dick eater. They couldn't stop raving how Jack gets every part of their scrotum's with his pierced tongue. He doesn't care about foreskin with a yeast infection, so Alticus still got serviced.

So there you go. Hope you choose wisely, and if there is a wedding, will I be invited?

 

[ESAD TIA]

Is the old gypo me?

...Um no dearest Thread someone else

 

[Flynn]

Is the old gypo me?

No, it's the younger and better looking one behind you.

 

[ESAD TIA]

its just a coinkydink

 

[ESAD TIA]

Yeah, there are better fish to go after.

I couldn't help but notice that you were kinda looking longingly at Holligay's booty hole as it puckered through the black of his denim overalls. Now far be it from me to tell you which male ass to go after, but there are waaaaay better male buttons to eat out

You should maybe sample some of the male delights BF really has to offer. I've compiled a list for you.

-X, he's mature, he knows what a cock feels like sliding in and out of his anus, and he likes it. Also, X has a nose that could be mistaken for a U.S. Cruise Missile, it's long and curvy. I hear he uses it in foreplay.

-Freud, at least Freud can pretend to be Dinky Diana if you ever have the pleasure of him going down on you. To picture it in your mind, just put a ripe Kiwi fruit between your legs and that's what it would look like if Freud sucked you off. From the screen shots Seamajor posted, DD also has a huge rack!

-LarryLotLizard, this one here at least when you talk to it will only spit out three replies, all of which are equally retarded. But the positive side is that LotLizardLarry has experience with the burliest of men, seeing he's a veteran with truckers.

-Jack, you'll just have to put up with his non-stop lies and stories. Seems you two have alot in common, and Jack from what X and Alticus told me is one hell of a dick eater. They couldn't stop raving how Jack gets every part of their scrotum's with his pierced tongue. He doesn't care about foreskin with a yeast infection, so Alticus still got serviced.

So there you go. Hope you choose wisely, and if there is a wedding, will I be invited?

I'm a VolCel though @Flynn I hate being close with people other people ruin my life.

 

[Flynn]

I'm a VolCel though @Flynn I hate being close with people other people ruin my life.

See, I've heard this before...

"People hurt me."
"No more humans for me."
Etc.

I don't think peeps are the underlying problem. It seems in these cases, most of the time it's being with someone who is bad for you. People who truly love you will never leave you out to dry, nor will they ever make you feel bad for the past, and lastly...they will love you unconditionally.

To me it seems pretty simple, almost like an algebraic equation. We know what we want in a partner, why do people settle for less?

 

[ESAD TIA]

See, I've heard this before...

"People hurt me."
"No more humans for me."
Etc.

I don't think peeps are the underlying problem. It seems in these cases, most of the time it's being with someone who is bad for you. People who truly love you will never leave you out to dry, nor will they ever make you feel bad for the past, and lastly...they will love you unconditionally.

To me it seems pretty simple, almost like an algebraic equation. We know what we want in a partner, why do people settle for less?

I'm bad for me, I hate being locked, I dislike who i become usually when paired, I do not feel loneliness when single.

I have very little positives from pairing with people.

 

[Iggy McLulz]

BASTARD FACTORY FORUMS INTERNAL SECURITY DIVISION (ISD) DOSSIER:

SUBJECT “JACK”

Classification: TERMINALLY ONLINE

Clearance Level: Porn Level Platinum

SUBJECT PROFILE

Name: Jack

Aliases: Retard, Old dude, Popeye The Pervy Man, liar, bitch, and Trolled By A Dot.

Age: Somewhere between 70 and old enough to complain about it.

Occupation:

*Full-time forum poster.
*Part-time misinformation enthusiast.
*Retired from approximately 11 careers he never actually had.

Primary Habitat:

*Bastard Factory Forums Meltdown where he tries to survive.

EXECUTIVE SUMMARY

Following a two-year investigation, Bastard Factory Forums Internal Security has concluded that Subject Jack is responsible for approximately:

*38% of all derailments
*72% of all “Suck Nigger Cock” posts
*100% of claims beginning with:

“I never posted at The Blue Cashew Forums.”

The subject exhibits advanced compulsive fabrication behaviors, including—but not limited to—lying about:

*Computer skills
*Height
*Weight
*Age
*Marital Status
*Doing 50 push ups
*His I.Q.
*Overall Brain Function

Investigators note that Jack lies with such confidence that newer users briefly believe him before noticing he once claimed to invent Wi-Fi during a fishing trip.

BEHAVIORAL ANALYSIS: Chronic Task Avoidance Syndrome

Field reports indicate Jack is physically incapable of completing real-world tasks due to excessive forum engagement.

Known unfinished projects include:

*Task: Fixing kitchen sink.
Status: Researching thread about it since 2018.

*Task: Changing his underwear.
Status: Still waiting.

INTERNET ACTIVITY Posting Patterns

Subject averages:
*417 posts per day
*12 arguments before breakfast
*4 accidental double-posts
*1 “I have Flynn on ignore” rant every Thursday

Peak activity occurs between:
All minutes of the day

THE BLUE CASHEW INCIDENT OPERATION: TINY DOT

One of the most devastating intelligence failures in Bastard Factory history occurred during Subject Jack’s infiltration attempt at the notorious The Blue Cashew Forum.

BF operatives convinced Jack his account had been “hijacked by Flynn”

Evidence cited included:

*A suspicious login notification A fake “security warning” And most critically:

*A strategically placed period (“.”)

*The dot appeared in his username: "Jack."

Subject immediately concluded:

*His account had been breached Flynn and was monitoring him.
*“Chinese hackers” wanted his barbecue recipes.
*The forum owner was part of a “digital syndicate”

Jack reportedly spent 11 straight hours:

*Changing passwords.
*Unplugging cables.
*Yelling at his printer.
*Blaming Flynn.

Internal investigators later confirmed:

*The account was never hijacked.
*It was literally just: a dot.

Witnesses describe Jack’s eventual realization as:

“like watching a raccoon discover mirrors.”

THREAT ASSESSMENT Risk Level: LOW Comedy Level: EXTREME

Subject poses no direct danger beyond:

*Exhausting moderators.
*Spreading confidently incorrect info.
*Replying “WRONG” to posts he did not read.

However, prolonged exposure to Subject Jack may result in:

*Secondhand embarrassment.
*Phantom notification anxiety.
*Sudden urges to log off permanently.

ADDITIONAL NOTES

Investigators discovered a folder on Jack’s desktop labeled:

“IMPORTANT LEGAL EVIDENCE”

Contents included:

*9 blurry screenshots.
*A chili recipe.
*A PDF: “GOOD_GURL_ART_Real_2.pdf”

FINAL RECOMMENDATION

Bastard Factory Forums Internal Security recommends the following containment procedures:

*Limit Jack to three conspiracy theories per thread.
*Do not allow him access to Photoshop.
*Never explain punctuation changes near his username.
*If encountered in debate: nod politely, back away slowly, and mute thread immediately.

END OF DOSSIER

Bastard Factory Forums Internal Security Division

“Watching losers so you don’t have to.”

How does anyone have the time to type out multiple paragraphs?

 

[Fredricka]

Whos the old gypo then? We might be related

 

[Flynn]

I'm bad for me, I hate being locked, I dislike who i become usually when paired, I do not feel loneliness when single.

I have very little positives from pairing with people.

So you're someone who doesn't want to be tied down? There's nothing wrong with that. Many people enjoy the solitude of silence by themselves.

I guess I get two main things from your post.

1. Your wording about relationships is "locked." What an odd adjective to use. I can only gather from that you also probably feel very suffocated the longer the relationship continues to dwindle on. You then become someone else entirely, saying and doing things you wouldn't normally do.

2. You have very little positives from pairing with people. Again, it is my firm belief that you need to choose the right people. Do you know? Not just a general vague awareness of what you want, but a bullet point style presentation of what you truly want out of a pairing.

Lastly, there's nothing wrong with being alone, but too much alone time time can be harmful to the psyche and believe it or not to your overall physical health. Like I stated, when you truly know what you want, omly then you can begin to weed out those who are harmful to your mental well being.

 

[Flynn]

How does anyone have the time to type out multiple paragraphs?

Oh? I didn't know you you were literate.

Or

Was it the multiple colors that caught your eye? Maybe you'll dye what's left of your thinning and dry hair to those shades of color from my post.

 

[ESAD TIA]

So you're someone who doesn't want to be tied down? There's nothing wrong with that. Many people enjoy the solitude of silence by themselves.

I guess I get two main things from your post.

1. Your wording about relationships is "locked." What an odd adjective to use. I can only gather from that you also probably feel very suffocated the longer the relationship continues to dwindles on. You then become someone else entirely, saying and doing things you wouldn't normally do.

2. You have very little positives from pairing with people. Again, it is my firm belief that you need to choose the right people. Do you know? Not just a general vague awareness of what you want, but a bullet point style presentation of what you truly want out of a pairing.

Lastly, there's nothing wrong with being alone, but too much alone time time can be harmful to the psyche and believe it or not to your overall physical health. Like I stated, when we truly know what we want, then you can begin to weed out those who are harmful to your mental well being.

I have been alone since 2019 by choice I definitely have had windows or options to not be, I just don't want to be.

Maybe I'll feel differently when my kids are grown and can fend for themselves who knows, but I do know I much prefer having my own life over a shared one.