Doing drugs with your kids

[Lily]

Your idea of childhood is age appropriate and from a much different world. These kids are growing up with a natural AND a digital world.

Mine did (and do) a variety of everything. We spend a ton of time outside. We do projects like growing butterflies, making landscapes, painting, using rocks and leaves....going to the local parks (there are bigger ones here).

Then they also have screen time. Now there are more educational games and apps (Squish likes ABC mouse).

When I teach them about navigating the world, the digital world has to be included because it's a big part of life now.

I'm a gen xer so my childhood looks MUCH different than my children's (gen zs and a gen alpha) childhood. I was thrown out of the house and stayed out running the streets with a gang of other kids until the street lights came on.

Childhood is brief yes but it's a time when they are constantly learning and preparing for the next stages of their life. I'm not saying you do this but some people who say that "childhood is just a short time and I want them to be children" really infantize their kids and the kids end up kinda....spoiled, chronic babies who struggle to adjust.

My 7 year old is very much a 7 year old. But I let her cook and do chores. She scrambles her own eggs, makes sandwiches and bakes from scratch (all with super vision...I don't just let her have at the stove all by herself no matter how bad she wants me to). Some would say she's "growing too fast"....and I would disagree. 7 year olds are very smart, capable and competent when given the chance and when they wanna earn some respect they take it very seriously. They wanna be seen as "big kids"....and be able to retreat back to the safety of being the baby.

It's a great age to teach things like boundaries, consent, responsibilities. And it sticks.

I'm a Gen Xer too.

You know who doesn't give their kids screen time? The children of the people in Silicon Valley. They want your kids, my grandkids to be plugged in so they make money off of them.

They don't want it for their kids. The most exclusive school in Silicon Valley has no computers for kids, no tablets, etc.

They want their kids to be critical thinkers...and fuck everyone else's kids.

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[Dove]

When I think of narcotics… I think of meth/crack/heroin. The life altering drugs that people rarely make it back from.

That is changing. Opiate addiction is a widespread health crisis that impacts all kinds of people.

Anyone is one medical crisis away from a narcotic drug addiction.

Now that more and more people get addicted, it's becoming less stigmatized and as such people are more likely to seek help and support rather than giving up and giving in or staying hooked for years and hiding it.

More and more people are becoming willing to openly discuss it, without caring about other people's ignorant comments or people in their lives who treat them like chronic cancer patients or like they are made out of glass. Or use it to control and manipulate.

Similar to how anytime I had a mood swing or bad day or did something you disagree with, you go right for the drug addiction and start assuming I'm "spiraling" or "back on drugs". It's quite emotionally abusive to use a person's prior mental health struggles as a weapon like that, and I'm glad in my 3 solid years of recovery work with a trained therapist and 5 years of CBT i was well prepared to deal with that properly.

 

[Dove]

I'm a Gen Xer too.

You know who doesn't give their kids screen time? The children of the people in Silicon Valley. They want your kids, my grandkids to be plugged in so they make money off of them.

They don't want it for their kids. The most exclusive school in Silicon Valley has no computers for kids, no tablets, etc.

They want their kids to be critical thinkers...and fuck everyone else's kids.

No one should be allowing their kids to sit in front of screens all day.


But if you dont let them have it at ALL....they WILL over do it later when you no longer call the shots.

My big girls are VERY good about managing the time they spend scrolling or on their phones. They are used to moderation and know why.

Good habits taught young will stay with them.

 

[Murdy]

That is changing. Opiate addiction is a widespread health crisis that impacts all kinds of people.

Anyone is one medical crisis away from a narcotic drug addiction.

Now that more and more people get addicted, it's becoming less stigmatized and as such people are more likely to seek help and support rather than giving up and giving in or staying hooked for years and hiding it.

More and more people are becoming willing to openly discuss it, without caring about other people's ignorant comments or people in their lives who treat them like chronic cancer patients or like they are made out of glass. Or use it to control and manipulate.

Similar to how anytime I had a mood swing or bad day or did something you disagree with, you go right for the drug addiction and start assuming I'm "spiraling" or "back on drugs". It's quite emotionally abusive to use a person's prior mental health struggles as a weapon like that, and I'm glad in my 3 solid years of recovery work with a trained therapist and 5 years of CBT i was well prepared to deal with that properly.

Please stop lumping me into your active addiction grievances and attempts to normalize that disfunction.

 

[BrothaSwilf]

Mine never watched T.V. until they were 10. One T.V. and it was mine and missus. FORBIDDEN to the rugrats. At 10 if I wasn't home I told the missus and she agreed they could watch T.V. until I came in the door. If they didn't I had get out the leather belt after a few shots of whiskey and hit the missus. They fucked up a few times and that pussy was whipped up good. They didn't wanna watch T.V. again until the oldest was 13. Mine grew up well adjusted and without malfunctions like @Alticus and his ilk on this nefarious forums. Rambunctious hooligans!!

 

[Alticus]

Mine never watched T.V. until they were 10. One T.V. and it was mine and missus. FORBIDDEN to the rugrats. At 10 if I wasn't home I told the missus and she agreed they could watch T.V. until I came in the door. If they didn't I had get out the leather belt after a few shots of whiskey and hit the missus. They fucked up a few times and that pussy was whipped up good. They didn't wanna watch T.V. again until the oldest was 13. Mine grew up well adjusted and without malfunctions like @Alticus and his ilk on this nefarious forums. Rambunctious hooligans!!

You're a true family man. A modeled father and disciplinarian. :)

 

[Murdy]

My statement to SeaMajor was geared towards recreational drug use… not people consumed by addiction.

It’s my experience that an addict is the most manipulative when they are using. The lies, deceit, justifications, explanations and excuses are mentally and emotionally exhausting when you’re dealing with an addict.

Even IF an addict realizes the damage they have caused to the relationship, the overwhelming urge to get high will take hold and the manipulation, lies, and drug abuse continues.

If a rehabilitated addict is showing signs of relapse and weaponizes their claims of sobriety to combat the concern…

Then it is my experience the relationship too toxic to be salvaged.

 

[Murdy]

Now the question that remains.. was my reaction to a relapse “emotional abuse”

?

Gaslighting: is psychological abuse. Gaslighters may use "blame-shifting" to absolve themselves of responsibility while making the target feel guilty or shamed. Blame-shifting is when someone redirects responsibility for their actions, behavior, or mistakes onto another person.

Did I have a right to be concerned? Absolutely. I had already endured the lies, deceit and destruction of their addiction. My concern was for the addict, their family and myself and what we would all potentially endure as a result of the relapse.

Was I wrong? Looking at what I am briefly subjected to as a scrolling member of this site… unfortunately, I believe this has spiraled into what I was initially concerned about.

The proof: this person has created a persona of nurturing nature path homeschooling mother. Except she was drunk crying here Sunday night that she lost custody of her kid on Mother’s Day.

Thankfully, I dodged that bullet by maintaining healthy boundaries and removing myself from the lies, deception and manipulations of the narcissist addict when it was obvious they do not want to be sober.

It’s sad… but it’s not my problem anymore.

 

[Moonpie]

When I think of narcotics… I think of meth/crack/heroin. The life altering drugs that people rarely make it back from.

But, there are many cases that involve people who do make it BACK and successfully succeed after using these awful drugs and it's worth celebrating. I think anyway.

 

[Lily]

But, there are many cases that involve people who do make it BACK and successfully succeed after using these awful drugs and it's worth celebrating. I think anyway.

I think that's true to some extent.

Years ago a woman was in a program that I taught in. She was a meth addict. It was a court-ordered drug rehab program. She was a user during her pregnancy. So, she had this option to do the program or be convicted and do time. She was great and I liked her very much.

Fast forward a few years...I'm out at night with my boyfriend walking back to the car after a night out. And then there she was whooping and hollering stumbling drunk, maybe even high, off her butt.

She recognized me and stared at me with her mouth open like she was thinking "Oh fuck". Then she quickly looked away, in shame is my guess. She looked back and I simply smiled at her, in kindness. In the moment we were just two people on the street. I had no role in her life anymore. I was simply someone she once knew.

After we got to the car and left I did think about her for a moment. Saddened that she had clearly decided to drink to excess.

I wondered for a brief second where her children were...but let that go too hoping they were safe.

I think these people have a hard row to hoe and need to be sober and stay away from all substances, including alcohol.

 

[Murdy]

But, there are many cases that involve people who do make it BACK and successfully succeed after using these awful drugs and it's worth celebrating. I think anyway.

All of the love in the world is not going to fill the bottomless pit that is a broken person if they do not prioritize their sobriety and recovery.

 

[Alticus]

All of the love in the world is not going to fill the bottomless pit that is a broken person if they do not prioritize their sobriety and recovery.

Many decide to quit for their loved ones. That's a noble and loving act, but if you don't do it for yourself as well, failure is likely.

 

[Murdy]

Many decide to quit for their loved ones. That's a noble and loving act, but if you don't do it for yourself as well, failure is likely.

If you can’t do it for yourself, you should try for your kids.

But even that will not be enough. They still have to do the difficult inner work to heal and reconnect to their soul and that journey. These people are so lost it’s hard for them to find reason to love themselves enough that remaining sober and their rehabilitation is the priority.

I pray for everyone who struggles with addiction. I’m just not willing to jeopardize my own peace for anyone anymore.

 

[Alticus]

If you can’t do it for yourself, you should try for your kids.

But even that will not be enough. They still have to do the difficult inner work to heal and reconnect to their soul and that journey. These people are so lost it’s hard for them to find reason to love themselves enough that remaining sober and their rehabilitation is the priority.

I pray for everyone who struggles with addiction. I’m just not willing to jeopardize my own peace for anyone anymore.

I know how it goes. I've been sober for 25+ years.

 

[Lily]

I know how it goes. I've been sober for 25+ years.

I mostly left a marriage, other issues as well, because of my husband's alcoholism. It is a terrible burden on loved ones.

 

[Alticus]

I mostly left a marriage, other issues as well, because of my husband's alcoholism. It is a terrible burden on loved ones.

I couldn't agree more, and I was blessed to have a father who was sober for over 45 years to help me through it and God for putting up with me.

 

[Murdy]

I know how it goes. I've been sober for 25+ years.

Congratulations. That’s awesome.

 

[Alticus]

Congratulations. That’s awesome.

It was either quit or eventually die of liver failure.

 

[Lily]

It was either quit or eventually die of liver failure.

Well, good job. My ex never stopped. He slowed down because he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. But the dysfunction had already impacted his sons, especially from his first marriage. One of them wanted to spend "quality time" with his dad, so he'd take him out to drink in bars. Yeah, such a great thing to do when on chemo.

 

[Alticus]

Well, good job. My ex never stopped. He slowed down because he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. But the dysfunction had already impacted his sons, especially from his first marriage. One of them wanted to spend "quality time" with his dad, so he'd take him out to drink in bars. Yeah, such a great thing to do when on chemo.

I'm sorry hear that. Alcoholism is a truly sad situation among those who care for each other. My father died of cancer but before it took him completely he knew that I was sober. I'm glad that he died knowing that.

 

[Lily]

I'm sorry hear that. Alcoholism is a truly sad situation among those who care for each other. My father died of cancer but before it took him completely he knew that I was sober. I'm glad that he died knowing that.

One of my stepsons is a dry drunk. He is sober, but he's a pretty bitter person. The other drinks, stops, then drinks again...they refuse to get support or help. Just like their dad.

My other two kids experimented and dabbled...at most my son will drink a few beers, but stopped drinking to a drunken state years ago. Every time he drank too much, he was with his older brothers.

Now, they're pretty much non-drinkers. All these decisions they made on their own. I'm just glad they worked things out to a better outcome.

 

[Murdy]

It was either quit or eventually die of liver failure.

I follow a recovering alcoholic turned sponsor/counselor who lost his wife to alcohol cirrhosis in her early 40s. He is an influencer who posts his cut the crap lectures for the people he sponsors and daily meal prep (he can’t eat anything outside of whole 30/paleo now to combat decades of alcohol destruction on his system), on IG. Alcohol destroys gut health and gut health plays a major role in mental health stability.

Alcohol is more detrimental to a woman’s system than it is a man. After age 40, it’s even worse ~ sorry, but hormonal alcoholism fueled mood swinging grouchy mom/grandma sounds awful.

 

[Alticus]

One of my stepsons is a dry drunk. He is sober, but he's a pretty bitter person. The other drinks, stops, then drinks again...they refuse to get support or help. Just like their dad.

My other two kids experimented and dabbled...at most my son will drink a few beers, but stopped drinking to a drunken state years ago. Every time he drank too much, he was with his older brothers.

Now, they're pretty much non-drinkers. All these decisions they made on their own. I'm just glad they worked things out to a better outcome.

Good for them. They're being smart.

 

[Murdy]

One of my stepsons is a dry drunk. He is sober, but he's a pretty bitter person. The other drinks, stops, then drinks again...they refuse to get support or help. Just like their dad.

My other two kids experimented and dabbled...at most my son will drink a few beers, but stopped drinking to a drunken state years ago. Every time he drank too much, he was with his older brothers.

Now, they're pretty much non-drinkers. All these decisions they made on their own. I'm just glad they worked things out to a better outcome.

There is probably an underlying condition with the dry son and father. I have found that most alcoholics are genetically predisposed to depression. Which makes sense when you consider that Alcohol makes you feel relaxed, less anxious, and more confident after you drink it. What most ignore is that Alcohol is a depressant that affects your feelings, thoughts and behavior.

I moved away from the generational curse of “join the party!” mentality the dysfunctional herd following members of my family abides by. I refused to give my kids the impression that relying on alcohol as a coping mechanism was acceptable. They can have a drink and walk away... which they were taught moderation of all things as a means to maintain balance in their lives.

 

[Seamajor]

I’d be the first to admit, I have a Vodka every evening before dinner, smoke a joint too. What does that make me?

 

[Seamajor]

Most of my family enjoyed drinking. I never once thought they were addicted to it. More like having a good time with like minded people. Fools who adore guns like AK47s are worse, as are drunk drivers.

 

[Murdy]

I’d be the first to admit, I have a Vodka every evening before dinner, smoke a joint too. What does that make me?

Men can have 14 drinks per week and no more than 2 drinks per day for it to fall within moderation.

That makes you a stoner

 

[Lily]

I’d be the first to admit, I have a Vodka every evening before dinner, smoke a joint too. What does that make me?

I don't know. Did it ever make you behave in dysfunctional ways? If not, it may not be a problem at all. I think it's how much a person drinks/gets high and how it impacts their life, if at all, that matters.

 

[Lily]

Don't blame me, blame Canada.

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[BrothaSwilf]

maybe they should start earlier than their teens. if one isn't one with the FLOW in life thats when one goes PSYCHO. when the FLOW is has been reached there is no possibility of psychoness. maybe mothers should have cannabistic or alcohol on their teets so when the baby is milking up momma they have the choice to get high or drunk. the left teet would be cannabiis flavor and the right side of the law teet would be glorious whisky or perhaps rum. if they be weirdos than tequila and vodka. my bitch should have done that with ours but fuck ya can't get everything you want in life. they turned out plum pickled and proper thank goodness