Great thread. Here's the good the bad and the ugly of mine, including the nicotine fueled ones.
My average dreams tend to be fragmented nonsensical things where the scenery changes quickly at random intervals, i.e.
I'm descending some steps to open a door so I can row across a lake so I can finish a race in a car, etc.. just absolute nonsense.
The other common type I have are fraught with so much temptation and frustration where the object of my desire is there but always just out of reach and eluding me to the point that they're literally a dark comedy and yours truly is the target of the punchline each and every time.
When I've told my friends about them they laugh because it's clear my own subconscious must truly despise me with a passion.
If you fancy a hee-haw at my expense then keep reading as here are two standouts from this month alone.
As I'm walking through a forest I stumble upon a sack of gold and gems that will set me and mine up for life many times over and of course it's unattended so if I could just get it home and safely stowed I can take my time figuring out how to turn it into a fortune.
I bolt through the woods until I see the clearing at the road where I emerge a hundred feet from my driveway then make for it in haste but of course, I TRIP right before arriving there, the sack tumbles away in through the top slot of a sewer where it teeters on a little ledge.. shit, I gotta get a stick to hook it.
In the ten seconds it takes me to find the right one, my subconscious intervenes yet again, the evil bastard. Thunder claps overhead, skies blacken, a monsoon ensues and just as I get to the sewer grate comes this torrent that washed it into the abyss. Gone.
The second one starts off great too. I'm dressed in a tux like James Bond at a very formal stuffy party with this really hot chick on my arm who I know very well even though she suddenly looks like the hot Columbian from Modern Family. She whispers she needs it "bad", so we discreetly slip out of the big room to find a bedroom but naturally they're all occupied as are ALL the bathrooms as well. In our desperation we settle on a small bullshit broom closet but what do ya know, my grandmother is in there taking up all the space in a rocking chair, hair in bun, bifocals and knitting, straight out of a cartoon. She's NOTHING like that in real life, so.. strange.
We then go outside and look for my car but the Puerto Rican valet ain't around so I start chirping my alarm in the air as we navigate through the guest's cars but hear and see nothing responding. This goes on for maybe a minute when there we see the most awesome sight ever before us.. it's the "Mystery Machine" from Scooby Doo! A 70s van, we knew what to do. We get to it and the door is unlocked.. oh man this is gonna be the best, BUT no, her sister is in there bopping her head and singing in a whisper while listening to her iPod. FML, this was so frustrating it woke me up and I was pissed off all day.
Truly bad ones.
These would happen (they've slowed down in the last few years) just as I'm dozing where I feel like I'm getting snuffed somehow and will jump up, even taking a swing on occasion and this wasn't the most conducive thing to a sex life with girls I haven't known long so I'd usually party it up and get pretty ripped before that first time. (usually happens that way by default anyway though).
Whatever is happening prior to my exploding awake is apparently so bad that I don't recall the details, as if they're being hidden from my conscious mind to spare me in some way. The only hint image I've ever had of these was my being flipped upside down, getting soaked in diesel, strapped in a six point harness and my knife is as blunt as a banana while I know the flames are coming any moment.
Just thought of another of them.
I'm running on train tracks trying not to trip on the RR ties while a big Ogre with a club and rock on the end is in pursuit and gaining on me. I hear the footsteps, "boom, boom, boom..", they are closing the gap between us so I reach down and find another gear to pull ahead but to no avail because so does he...boom, boOM, BOOM BOOM...! Oh God I know that club is gonna bash my skull open any moment and now hot tar covers everything so its like I'm running through sticky molasses, the mother fucker. I woke up before I got clocked so that was good.
People have suggested I "talk to someone", but no, I'm not getting labeled with PTSD and frankly don't want to know what's bumping around up there, nor do I want to "get in touch with my feelings". Be stoic and keeping my mouth shut sounds better.
The third and final type are good ones to the EXTREME but like any good thing are also rare and have only happened when falling asleep with a nicotine patch on so aren't naturally occurring.
Somehow, these seem to be more lucid than reality itself as I can smell, feel, hear and see in vibrant color more than I can even as I type this.
The first time it happened was about five years ago and was the best of them.
I had a mile-long, feather-weight pole vault and the earth's gravity was more like it is on the moon. I ran, stuck it in the ground, it flexed and I vaulted upward a mile right into the cloud layer, feeling the cool moisture and breeze in my face until breaking though and then felt the warmth of the sun shining on me again as I kind of hung and paused at the top long enough to appreciate the view out at the horizon and see the clouds stretch on while also catching glimpses of the patchwork quilt of crops and farms below. Following this would come the descent and giddy butterflies of a carnival ride that went with it as I made my way back to earth, free of fear, confident as if immortal and knowing it.
I repeated these vaults throughout the night as I slept for what seemed like the actual eight hours in real time, from New York to Wisconsin in summer weather, going through thunderstorms, rainbows and even getting peppered with hail once until arriving home to my bed again just in time to wake up with this tired grin on my face that I must have been holding as I slept. I stared up at the ceiling for a good five minutes in awe of what I just experienced as it was unforgettable.
When I moved to finally get out of bed I felt the subtle tug of the nicotine patch still on my arm, remembered the warning on the box saying not to sleep with it because it often causes "sleep disturbances".
I thought about the warning and imagine if something as lucid as that were a nightmare instead it might have the capacity to literally traumatize someone instead, so, just food for thought of you wanna try it, either way you are in for something hardcore and heaven help ya if it's a bad one.
