I can remember being a 15 year old boy, I had gotten my first girlfriend, my first time having sex. For me, at the time, being a 15 year old boy, love was her popping the pimples on my back. I grew up and grew out of that phase of life but it was really love. Sorry if others disagree but it was understanding and a bit unconditional.
When I was 16 i got together my first boyfriend(his name was Andy) And we were together until I was 19....with one break up that lasted for a summer.
I had love for him but I wasnt like "in love" with him like I thought I was with my first husband(Shawn). Who was actually my first time having sex. This was a few months before I got together with Andy.
And it turned out Shawn was friends with Andy, and Shawn's than girlfriend was friends with Andy. So we were all in this friend group. Shawn and I always had a low key flirtation. We didnt cheat or anything and we kept it cool and didnt really indulge any attraction. Which probably just fueled the fire.
So when I broke up with Andy(for reasons that had nothing to do with Shawn).....Shawn found out. I mean found out because Andy was crying to him. So Shawn dumped his girlfriend and started trying to "run into me" at gatherings and parties. Which he did.
So I really got swept away by him because he perused me HARD....and we were constantly all over eachother, and it was intense and I really thought it was some fate true love thing and we got married within a few months. It really hurt and pissed off our exs.
We also messed around a bit when I broke up with with my boyfriend the first time on that break. I guess when he decided to dump his girlfriend he confessed it to her so her and her friends were pretty pissed. I mistook the willingness to do anything to be together for genuine love. You know there was that romantic drama.
It was an over romanticized train wreck really but I was super young. He was everything exciting. And he was so funny and so much fun and I adored him. But I should have took his conduct with me as a huge red flag because he cheated constantly and then thought since he didnt have feelings for them it wasnt really that bad. Within two years he completely tore my heart out and repetitively stomped on it. It really started turning me into a person I didnt want to be.
Today I hate his face.....but the memories are good. I had a child with him who is about to be 18 this month. I barely talk to him because even though he is remarried to an awesome woman and they have a daughter, he still tries to argue with me about shit that happen over 20 years ago. He still harbors bitterness about our divorce.
Love is a choice. There are warm fuzzy feelings but love is active and intentional decision.
Names may or may not be changed. I didnt wanna keep typing out relational titles lol.
