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I mean I don't know if you're married @Jack but if some random internet person called your spouse a family restaurant how would that make you feel?
 
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I find your squirting to be very impressive. Although it's still not determined if when a woman squirts if it's really only urine
 
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Yes it's perfectly reasonable to be of the steadfast belief that some random guy is masturbating to your user name which consists of 9 white letters on an obscure internet forum