And whoever 'her' is, you think she'd WANT you to drag ass through life like that? I doubt it. And if she did, then fuck her. So either you honor a good person who wouldn't want you hurt, or you spite a bitch who DID want you hurt. Either way, turn loose of it.
Most motherfuckers are all touchy-feely. Not me. Feel what you feel, but know how much *value* what you feel has -- or doesn't. Think, and *then* feel. Doesn't devalue your feels at all, it just puts 'em in their proper place.
Let me put it to you like this: Let's say we buy into the idea that you are the coolest person you know. Right? Granting that: You're the most high-value person you need to bully. Make sense?