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It’s your inner child Alticus, my psychiatrist is working with me on that, I told her I feel like a child whose body has grown up around this feeling
 
She did and exercise with me had me crying so much I couldn’t catch my breath, she embraced me and calmly told me none of it is your fault Steve
 
She made me feel so good after, she said wouldn’t the little you feel so safe with the man I am now