Yes. I had sex on the first date. It was my damn birthday and I was not gonna get serious with him (lol)
Actually I agree with that practice
@Dove y.
Try each other out 1st to see if there's any compatiblity or not.
Premarital sex & living together should be the norm.
I know many of your fellow Christians may not agree tho.
I strongly disagree.
Its best and ideal to spend time getting to know someone before you involve sex. Sex releases bonding chemicals in the brain and it can really muddy up the waters when you are trying to decide if you want to commit yourself to that person.
You dont want to get too emotionally involved too soon. This is how people trauma bond and end up in abusive relationships.
Human being really are not like cars you should "test drive". If you focus on and foster a healthy bond and really get to know eachother without sex.....you will have both a better relationship AND better sex.
I'm not saying you will ruin your relationship by sleeping together too soon. I'm just saying its easier to get hooked into an unhealthy and abusive relationship. You'll over look things you shouldnt when you are having sex.
But...but...didn't you just say you had sex on a first date
@Dove y?!?
Seems like a double standard ta me! ;D
Yes I did, and no.... it's not a double standard at all.
After I said I had sex on the first date, I gave two reasons. First one was that it was my birthday. Second was.....I wasnt planning on getting serious with anyone.
It's not at all a double standard and what I said was the truth. You want to get serious with someone....its BEST to wait to have sex, so you can really get to know them and make a solid decision on whether or not you should commit to that person. You have much clearer thinking about it if you havent involved sex and started that bonding before you know if they are good for you or capable of the kind of relationship you want.
I had no intention of fostering a serious relationship with him. So hanging out once in a while and having casual sex on occasion wasnt a big deal because I wasnt trying or aiming for commitment. To me, there were no waters to muddy. We both established that neither of us wanted a serious relationship. He was even dating someone else. Actually he was dating a few women at that time....albeit not on a serious level yet.
I also didnt say that having sex too soon will sabotage a relationship with that person either. I'm only pointing out that starting a sexual relationship with someone you are interested in having a committed relationship with will complicate your decision making. Because if you are getting to know them while having sexual relationship, the sex will cloud your thinking and bond you too soon.
Things that would normally be a red flag that would cause you to back away.....you are more likely to over look or excuse if you have a sexual relationship with that person.
You understand what I'm saying? You have to guard your heart. People get love bombed and start having sex too soon, they can easily end up in an abusive and toxic relationship because they over looked all the red flags. If you are not having sex yet and those red flags pop up? You arent so invested where you'll over look it. You are more likely to allow yourself to be lied too and more likely to ignore your intuition and gaslight yourself if you are already sleeping with them.
Understand what I'm saying? Sex will never just be a "test drive". Its a whole bonding experience. It releases chemicals in your brain that serve to bond you to that person. Once or twice....you can get away with it with no strings. Make it a habit, all that time you would have been talking and building a relationship will be spent having sex and chemically bonding to that person.
Also I'll go ahead and add in that once I entered rehab.....I didnt see or speak to my husband for 2 months. After I detoxed and had a few weeks in a rehab, I went to a year long in house program. He would come to church and have dinner with me and my daughter every night and the mission. Then we started getting couples counseling there. We were married before we ever had sex again. So there was like....9 months of just talking and counseling.
