"I'm not the one doing the dancing, unfortunately for you." You're the one posting 'em, you're the one doin' the dancing. Or does a principle even that basic elude you like all the others?
Does your beard -- eh, wife -- have to lock up the cleaning supplies to prevent you from drinking them? And do you ever catch her with a look on her face that would suggest to someone with a functional intellect that she's reconsidering that policy?