Let Me Ask a Question.

Stop lying.

Your "native tongue" is in whatever male asshole is the closest. So that would mean your tongue should be up jack's rectum. Hold on! I did say male, right? Then jack's disqualified on the grounds that he's a proven fairy. That means the next closest male asshole to you is that jerkoff The Question.
This is amazing.

Amazingly stupid. I could give you a shovel or a tampon.
 
I'm sure you're totally familiar with both a shovel and a tampon, as they've both been up your ass at one time or another.
You could say similar about married men without trying to bury a tmpon in their ass. That's weird that you imagined that at all really.
 
Go find a dick to choke on you fucking loser. You sound and act just like F-at Alberticus' halfwit brother.
No thanks. From the looks of you, you need all the calories you can get from your fave hobby.