- Messages
- 12,045
- Location
- La La Land
As someone who was in a toxic and mutually abusive relationship for 14 years, I'm convinced they were both liable for what transpired. You're right, you cant help ANYONE who isnt willing to see what they dont want to see. I had so many people tell me to get the fuck away from her it wasnt funny.I watched the 20/20 episode on this case and it made me sad. There is no helping a battered woman who doesn’t want help. The police tried to get her away from him for a 24 hour cool-off period and she was asking where he was going to be so she could pick him up in the morning. WTF?!??
Also, I’m conflicted now about her being the only victim after seeing the police cam footage of the scratches on his face, body and arm. She had them to, but her marks were not nearly as apparent and vicious as his.
They also told police the fight started because he started moving things around in the van. She was a mental OCD control freak perfectionist. Their “happy” relationship was clearly a figment of her internet travel page.
That’s what I took from it anyways. So sad that 2 families will be tortured by these events for the rest of their lives. What a waste of potential.
SMH
As someone else who was in a toxic abusive relationship for 3 years....i disagree.
Part of narcissistic abuse is brainwashing your victim into thinking its thier fault they are being abused.
No one gets a pass of any sort for physical abuse and murder.
I'm not gonna blame that poor girl, who was so young and probably so loving, lacked the experience and sense of self that can only come with age and experience for any part of her murder.
The way she kept apologizing you can tell she believed his gaslighting and blame shifting. She likely believed if she "fixed" herself he would never hurt her.
If she knew he would end up murdering her, and stayed anyway....I mean yeah. But this girl probably NEVER dreamed this would happened.
Abusers will destroy the rational mind of thier target and keep high drama levels that create a "trauma bond". Which is probably why YOU stayed with an abuser.
These relationships can appear as "mutually abusive" but in reality, one is the narc abuser and the other ends up abusing back because the abuse they are dealing with.
Anyone with low self esteem and self worth can end up easy prey for people like this.
If you have a stable and healthy relationship today? You were not also an abuser. You were responding to abuse. Yeah unpleasant and violent things happened. You are a human being who was responding to a lot of painful stress and abuse.
Well said, Dove.*
*Except for the last sentences. Lokmar is a very abusive poster. I don't beleive he isn't also an abuser in relationships. He probably just ended up in a relationship with someone a lot like him. I wouldn't give him a pass without hearing her side first.
Well I'm basing on things he has posted over the years and he is too eager and willing to label HIMSELF as an abuser.
How many abusers do you know of that will own it like that? Abusers dont reflect. They consistently blame the other party.
It's almost always those who were the ones being abused who will take responsibility for abuse.
See what I'm saying?
Oh course there is no way to know with absolutely certainty but I would gamble on her side being composed of everything she did but accusing him of doing.
Well, I've never once seen him admit to the abuse he dishes out in his posts. He is a very ugly hater. I don't like posters who can never be human with someone they disagree with politically. It's sinister.
Great anger stems from deep hurt. I also sense resentment and frustration. He needs to process his feelings, work through them and heal.
But this is an environment where most are bleeding out their broken onto one another. It’s not conducive to compassion or empathy.