Allow myself to properly introduce myself...

[Frood]

I am the greatest Woman Whispering Woomaster (aka Woobacca) known to message boards the world over and I'm pleased to make all your acquaintances. I enjoy saltine crackers, long walks to hidden shacks in steel toed work boots and flannel shirts, and applying cable ties to things.

Women absolutely adore me once they get to know me, for some peculiar reason.

I'm in my forties and have all my teeth including some extras I've picked up along the way which I keep in a small leather pouch on a chain around my neck and use for the occasional game of chess with myself.

I've begun to tabulate a list of eligible ladies here for Woo Factor and will be conducting intensive interviews to decide on the three luckiest women over the coming weeks and months.

 

[Marv]

Are there even three women here, irrespective of luck levels?

I'm just saying - if you bag any, be sure to check their undercarriages before getting too excited. Some guy named dumbHELL assured me this place is a snausage fest.

 

[Frood]

Sage advice, Brother. I can see that you've got a good understanding of the fundamentals of Woo...

 

[Mona]

Don't you know the rule? There are no women on the internet. Ever.

 

[Frood]

That's just what women who struggle to resist my Woo Charms might say...

 

[Mona]

I'm yet to see any charms that I may need to resist. So, I guess that I'm safe.

 

[Frood]

You cannot outrun the Woo should I gift you a top spot on my Woo List! But bless your heart for acting hard to get...

...I like that in a candidate.

 

[Mona]

I'm not acting. I'm not playing hard to get, I'm genuinely disinterested and bored with your claims of prowess that have yet to be even slightly accurate.

 

[Frood]

*wink* *wink*

Of course...

...you don't want the others to know you've fallen so hard so quick for my Wootitude.

 

[Mona]

You just keep telling yourself that. Whatever helps you sleep at night. The others know me well enough to know that I say what I mean, and I mean what I say. You'll learn.

 

[Marv]

Don't you know the rule? There are no women on the internet. Ever.

Hey, don't put yourself down.

All that body hair doesn't disqualify you.

 

[IRISH KAM]

Don't you know the rule? There are no women on the internet. Ever.

Hey, don't put yourself down.

All that body hair doesn't disqualify you.

Is MONA Hairy ?

Yas must have personally see the Bush to post it online .

 

[Mona]

Marv hasn't personally seen anything. And the only place that I'm hairy is on the top of my head. I don't suit short hair, so I keep it long.

 

[Frood]

So why did Marv forward me dozens and dozens of your pics?

Your huge toes are definitely hairy!

 

[Mona]

I think he's sending you pics of himself under the guise of sending them of others, he's obviously trying to catfish you. Be afraid, he's got his sights on you.

 

[Frood]

Nahhhh.... you're a clothes selfie poster. You like dressing in different stuff and taking snaps of it. He even had one of your sunburned chest which is weird cuz sunburn isn't normally an outfit.

 

[Adam Hitler]

WelCUM fella. What boards do you come from?

 

[Frood]

Facebook and Twitter but I'm tired of getting banned for making sweet Woo talk..

 

[Adam Hitler]

Sod those 2 places, the internet police and JIDF monitor them vigorously...

 

[Marv]

Yeah, Mona's got some fire, with or without hair (laser surgery helps in that area). Definitely a good choice for the Woo.

 

[Adam Hitler]

Marv you seem familiar.... you from 'Stralia by any chance?

 

[Marv]

God, no. I haven't had my shots.

 

[CorsetKat]

I've seen Mona's body, no hair.

She is gorgeous, so you aren't going to upset her with your bullshit. She knows she's amazing, she has to.

You kids are cute though.

 

[Gutterballs]

Whew!! i'm safe from the Woo

Intro...hmm 4/10

 

[Mona]

Yeah, Mona's got some fire, with or without hair (laser surgery helps in that area). Definitely a good choice for the Woo.

a. never felt the need to have any kind of cosmetic surgical procedure
b. I take it that your friend likes to fail and be rejected, because that's the only way that I'm a good choice for him

 

[skinofevil]

I farted. I just wanted you all should know that.

 

[Sharona]

what a pig

 

[skinofevil]

Oink. Thrill

 

[Sharona]

 

[Frood]

Mona is trying too hard to get on my Woo List and that gets her another demerit point on her chances.

Man hating feminist spinsters who are prolific selfie posters never rank high.

Sorry Mona but "tick".