Weird personal story about cheating and forgiveness

[LotusBud]

So, we have some very close friends here in Portugal. People we've been hanging out with consistently for 2 1/2 years. We've gone through a lot together and know each other very well. Maybe a dozen or so people (they're not all close friends to me, but as a group, that's how many of us there are). And we kind of all got together because of this one man. I'll call him Bob. Bob and his wife hosted a lot of events where we all got to know each other and bonded, so he was kind of the glue. He more so than his wife, whom I'll call Elaine.

Well, Bob and I especially bonded. As friends only. Honestly, I bonded with him early on thinking that he was gay and in a marriage of friendship, so I was comfortable hanging out with him alone when the spouses didn't want to do shit. Bob has had many female friends, and I have also had many male friends. No biggie. But, Elaine got a little jealous. She thought we were having a thing. I told everyone I know, No fucking way. I do not find Bob in any way attractive. Not interested.

Well, yesterday, Bob told all of us, one by one in texts, that he had fallen in love with a woman he met FOUR WEEKS ago, and was moving in with her. He called me to speak to me about it. I read him the riot act. I told him he was an asshole and out of his mind. I said the person he'll be living with in 6 months is not the person he thinks he's in love with now, and that he's a chicken shit, etc. tc.

Long story very much shorter, but, ultimately, every single person in our group has turned on him, except for one guy who's very intellectual and rational, and me. I reached out to Elaine and told her I am here for her and will do anything she needs, but I also told Bob I am practicing forgiveness and will not turn my back on him.

The others, except for the one rational guy, think Bob has betrayed the entire group. I think all the others are going to be mad at me for not choosing a side. My best female friend here thinks I'm crazy, and may even be pissed at me. But, I just can't do it. In any case, this cohesive group will never be the same.

I think everyone in this scenario is being an asshole, except for me, the rational guy, and Elaine. What a bunch of children.

Thanks for letting me share.

 

[LotusBud]

Thanks for the rec, @Sharona. LOL

But, any thoughts? Are my friends going to turn on me for trying to be Switzerland?

 

[Kitty Zhang]

Bob is a natural people person. The vibe and connection that he and the lane have in private nobody truly knows. All about individual happiness. Bob went about it the wrong way, yes but it’s about Bob’s happiness and not the groups.

 

[LotusBud]

Bob is a natural people person. The vibe and connection that he and the lane have in private nobody truly knows. All about individual happiness. Bob went about it the wrong way, yes but it’s about Bob’s happiness and not the groups.

Yeah. Truly no one knows what their relationship was like. But who moves in with someone after four weeks? My argument to him was that he should move out by himself and get to know the new woman before moving in with her. I think he's asking for trouble there.

And I agree, it isn't about the group. Like I said, I think they're all being assholes. I'm just wondering if they're going to shun me as well, for not shunning him. LOL. But I'm serious.

 

[realgrimm]

It's your responsibility to pick a side even if it's insincere and if you really do appreciate your little group of friends appease them, don't know what your not getting Bob destroyed his dynamic in the group since he made the choice and bailed out on everyone..

Human nature has it the aggressor is at fault

 

[Dove]

Thanks for the rec, @Sharona. LOL

But, any thoughts? Are my friends going to turn on me for trying to be Switzerland?

Probably.

I think it's weird and inappropriate for friends to make someones marriage problems or the demise of a marriage about them. It's not their marriage. I mean they can have feelings and thoughts on it but to make it like Bob betrayed THEM is a bit much.

This happens. People get divorced. Sometimes people do incredibly dumb things. I dont know why friends will take it like they are the betrayed ones....they are not.

I would do the same thing you and "rational guy" would be doing. I would also openly disapprove of this very impulsive relationship decision.

Do you think it's possible Bob has been seeing this woman for much longer than he says?

If you start befriending this new woman, Bob's ex is going to be very very hurt by that.

You are gonna have to chose between your own values/integrity and possibly some friends. Anytime you have to do that, you already know what you need to do. Friends wont make you compromise positive qualities about yourself.

 

[deport_liberals]

Do they have kids?

 

[Seamajor]

So, we have some very close friends here in Portugal. People we've been hanging out with consistently for 2 1/2 years. We've gone through a lot together and know each other very well. Maybe a dozen or so people (they're not all close friends to me, but as a group, that's how many of us there are). And we kind of all got together because of this one man. I'll call him Bob. Bob and his wife hosted a lot of events where we all got to know each other and bonded, so he was kind of the glue. He more so than his wife, whom I'll call Elaine.

Well, Bob and I especially bonded. As friends only. Honestly, I bonded with him early on thinking that he was gay and in a marriage of friendship, so I was comfortable hanging out with him alone when the spouses didn't want to do shit. Bob has had many female friends, and I have also had many male friends. No biggie. But, Elaine got a little jealous. She thought we were having a thing. I told everyone I know, No fucking way. I do not find Bob in any way attractive. Not interested.

Well, yesterday, Bob told all of us, one by one in texts, that he had fallen in love with a woman he met FOUR WEEKS ago, and was moving in with her. He called me to speak to me about it. I read him the riot act. I told him he was an asshole and out of his mind. I said the person he'll be living with in 6 months is not the person he thinks he's in love with now, and that he's a chicken shit, etc. tc.

Long story very much shorter, but, ultimately, every single person in our group has turned on him, except for one guy who's very intellectual and rational, and me. I reached out to Elaine and told her I am here for her and will do anything she needs, but I also told Bob I am practicing forgiveness and will not turn my back on him.

The others, except for the one rational guy, think Bob has betrayed the entire group. I think all the others are going to be mad at me for not choosing a side. My best female friend here thinks I'm crazy, and may even be pissed at me. But, I just can't do it. In any case, this cohesive group will never be the same.

I think everyone in this scenario is being an asshole, except for me, the rational guy, and Elaine. What a bunch of children.

Thanks for letting me share.

Exactly why I choose not to be chummy with a gaggle of friends. Who needs the dRama?

 

[٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶]

 

[Dove]

So, we have some very close friends here in Portugal. People we've been hanging out with consistently for 2 1/2 years. We've gone through a lot together and know each other very well. Maybe a dozen or so people (they're not all close friends to me, but as a group, that's how many of us there are). And we kind of all got together because of this one man. I'll call him Bob. Bob and his wife hosted a lot of events where we all got to know each other and bonded, so he was kind of the glue. He more so than his wife, whom I'll call Elaine.

Well, Bob and I especially bonded. As friends only. Honestly, I bonded with him early on thinking that he was gay and in a marriage of friendship, so I was comfortable hanging out with him alone when the spouses didn't want to do shit. Bob has had many female friends, and I have also had many male friends. No biggie. But, Elaine got a little jealous. She thought we were having a thing. I told everyone I know, No fucking way. I do not find Bob in any way attractive. Not interested.

Well, yesterday, Bob told all of us, one by one in texts, that he had fallen in love with a woman he met FOUR WEEKS ago, and was moving in with her. He called me to speak to me about it. I read him the riot act. I told him he was an asshole and out of his mind. I said the person he'll be living with in 6 months is not the person he thinks he's in love with now, and that he's a chicken shit, etc. tc.

Long story very much shorter, but, ultimately, every single person in our group has turned on him, except for one guy who's very intellectual and rational, and me. I reached out to Elaine and told her I am here for her and will do anything she needs, but I also told Bob I am practicing forgiveness and will not turn my back on him.

The others, except for the one rational guy, think Bob has betrayed the entire group. I think all the others are going to be mad at me for not choosing a side. My best female friend here thinks I'm crazy, and may even be pissed at me. But, I just can't do it. In any case, this cohesive group will never be the same.

I think everyone in this scenario is being an asshole, except for me, the rational guy, and Elaine. What a bunch of children.

Thanks for letting me share.

Exactly why I choose not to be chummy with a gaggle of friends. Who needs the dRama?

I have a very small circle of people I've been friends with for like 30 years at this point lol. And it's not like a "group" lol

My husband and I have our separate friends, but we get along with eachothers friends. We have no drama at all.

 

[Dove]

The last "couple" friends we had, the guy was cheating on the woman and they ended up in some drunken fist fight and I was getting calls from her, husband was getting calls from him.

It was a lot. Both of us wanted to get far away from that mess.

10 years I've been with my husband.....we havent really made "couple" friends. My friends are married and we have hung out with them and then with his friends who are also married. We havent met couples or a group as a couple ourselves. I like that we dont have a group like this because the boundaries tend to get kinda loose. We are both recovering addicts so we have to be mindful of boundaries and what's healthy.

My husbands two single friends kinda creep me out. They dont come over, thank God lol.

I imagine we will as we get more out of parenting mode and into another phase of our life later down the road. Or we will just stay in our trailor in the woods where it's not so peopley.

 

[deport_liberals]

The whole point of having friends is to get away from the family!

 

[Dove]

The whole point of having friends is to get away from the family!

Right!

Mutual friend groups are bad for a marriage. You get people sticking their nose in and getting in ears. Uhg nope no thanks!

 

[Biggie Smiles]

So, we have some very close friends here in Portugal. People we've been hanging out with consistently for 2 1/2 years. We've gone through a lot together and know each other very well. Maybe a dozen or so people (they're not all close friends to me, but as a group, that's how many of us there are). And we kind of all got together because of this one man. I'll call him Bob. Bob and his wife hosted a lot of events where we all got to know each other and bonded, so he was kind of the glue. He more so than his wife, whom I'll call Elaine.

Well, Bob and I especially bonded. As friends only. Honestly, I bonded with him early on thinking that he was gay and in a marriage of friendship, so I was comfortable hanging out with him alone when the spouses didn't want to do shit. Bob has had many female friends, and I have also had many male friends. No biggie. But, Elaine got a little jealous. She thought we were having a thing. I told everyone I know, No fucking way. I do not find Bob in any way attractive. Not interested.

Well, yesterday, Bob told all of us, one by one in texts, that he had fallen in love with a woman he met FOUR WEEKS ago, and was moving in with her. He called me to speak to me about it. I read him the riot act. I told him he was an asshole and out of his mind. I said the person he'll be living with in 6 months is not the person he thinks he's in love with now, and that he's a chicken shit, etc. tc.

Long story very much shorter, but, ultimately, every single person in our group has turned on him, except for one guy who's very intellectual and rational, and me. I reached out to Elaine and told her I am here for her and will do anything she needs, but I also told Bob I am practicing forgiveness and will not turn my back on him.

The others, except for the one rational guy, think Bob has betrayed the entire group. I think all the others are going to be mad at me for not choosing a side. My best female friend here thinks I'm crazy, and may even be pissed at me. But, I just can't do it. In any case, this cohesive group will never be the same.

I think everyone in this scenario is being an asshole, except for me, the rational guy, and Elaine. What a bunch of children.

Thanks for letting me share.

Didn't know you was into swinging groups

 

[Admin.]

So, we have some very close friends here in Portugal. People we've been hanging out with consistently for 2 1/2 years. We've gone through a lot together and know each other very well. Maybe a dozen or so people (they're not all close friends to me, but as a group, that's how many of us there are). And we kind of all got together because of this one man. I'll call him Bob. Bob and his wife hosted a lot of events where we all got to know each other and bonded, so he was kind of the glue. He more so than his wife, whom I'll call Elaine.

Well, Bob and I especially bonded. As friends only. Honestly, I bonded with him early on thinking that he was gay and in a marriage of friendship, so I was comfortable hanging out with him alone when the spouses didn't want to do shit. Bob has had many female friends, and I have also had many male friends. No biggie. But, Elaine got a little jealous. She thought we were having a thing. I told everyone I know, No fucking way. I do not find Bob in any way attractive. Not interested.

Well, yesterday, Bob told all of us, one by one in texts, that he had fallen in love with a woman he met FOUR WEEKS ago, and was moving in with her. He called me to speak to me about it. I read him the riot act. I told him he was an asshole and out of his mind. I said the person he'll be living with in 6 months is not the person he thinks he's in love with now, and that he's a chicken shit, etc. tc.

Long story very much shorter, but, ultimately, every single person in our group has turned on him, except for one guy who's very intellectual and rational, and me. I reached out to Elaine and told her I am here for her and will do anything she needs, but I also told Bob I am practicing forgiveness and will not turn my back on him.

The others, except for the one rational guy, think Bob has betrayed the entire group. I think all the others are going to be mad at me for not choosing a side. My best female friend here thinks I'm crazy, and may even be pissed at me. But, I just can't do it. In any case, this cohesive group will never be the same.

I think everyone in this scenario is being an asshole, except for me, the rational guy, and Elaine. What a bunch of children.

Thanks for letting me share.

Didn't know you was into swinging groups

you suck nigger cocks

 

[Lokmar]

So, we have some very close friends here in Portugal. People we've been hanging out with consistently for 2 1/2 years. We've gone through a lot together and know each other very well. Maybe a dozen or so people (they're not all close friends to me, but as a group, that's how many of us there are). And we kind of all got together because of this one man. I'll call him Bob. Bob and his wife hosted a lot of events where we all got to know each other and bonded, so he was kind of the glue. He more so than his wife, whom I'll call Elaine.

Well, Bob and I especially bonded. As friends only. Honestly, I bonded with him early on thinking that he was gay and in a marriage of friendship, so I was comfortable hanging out with him alone when the spouses didn't want to do shit. Bob has had many female friends, and I have also had many male friends. No biggie. But, Elaine got a little jealous. She thought we were having a thing. I told everyone I know, No fucking way. I do not find Bob in any way attractive. Not interested.

Well, yesterday, Bob told all of us, one by one in texts, that he had fallen in love with a woman he met FOUR WEEKS ago, and was moving in with her. He called me to speak to me about it. I read him the riot act. I told him he was an asshole and out of his mind. I said the person he'll be living with in 6 months is not the person he thinks he's in love with now, and that he's a chicken shit, etc. tc.

Long story very much shorter, but, ultimately, every single person in our group has turned on him, except for one guy who's very intellectual and rational, and me. I reached out to Elaine and told her I am here for her and will do anything she needs, but I also told Bob I am practicing forgiveness and will not turn my back on him.

The others, except for the one rational guy, think Bob has betrayed the entire group. I think all the others are going to be mad at me for not choosing a side. My best female friend here thinks I'm crazy, and may even be pissed at me. But, I just can't do it. In any case, this cohesive group will never be the same.

I think everyone in this scenario is being an asshole, except for me, the rational guy, and Elaine. What a bunch of children.

Thanks for letting me share.

Didn't know you was into swinging groups

you suck nigger cocks

Are you all manic today cause you think there's a conspiracy to take nigger cocks away from you? Take your fukin meds, faggit.

 

[The Countess]

He must be in mid life crisis mode. They always end up regretting it.

 

[Biggie Smiles]

nigger cocks

Please keep your favorite subject to yourself, racist karen

 

[Admin.]

nigger cocks

Please keep your favorite subject to yourself, racist karen

you suck nigger cocks

 

[X]

what happened ? I seen too much for me to read and will now assumption ..
if he cheated its okay if she did lot'sa fish in the sea

 

[Biggie Smiles]

I think I broke the gay cock loving spammer

 

[X]

 

[The Countess]

Lotus, this situation is difficult. I’d stay out of it period. He’s in the wrong wrong and should not be enabled.

 

[Biggie Smiles]

Lotus, this situation is difficult. I’d stay out of it period. He’s in the wrong wrong and should not be enabled.

She can't stay out of it because she's a nosy hen

 

[The Scoundrel]

I call bullshit. The story is supposed to be current yet It's set in Portugal when you've recently posted that you're no longer there but back in the states. I suggest that harms the veracity of the whole statement and turns it from True Life into an adult Enid Blyton fairy tale.

Do you tell your children these stories at bedtime?

Way to send the little fucks into being paranoid psychopaths in thier adulthood ya stupid bitch.

Do better if you're going to try to pull the wool over my eyes.

Just admit it's a flight of fancy and take the beating like the rodent faced troll you are.

Fuckin dumbass.

 

[Biggie Smiles]

I call bullshit. The story is supposed to be current yet It's set in Portugal when you've recently posted that you're no longer there but back in the states. I suggest that harms the veracity of the whole statement and turns it from True Life into an adult Enid Blyton fairy tale.

Do you tell your children these stories at bedtime?

Way to send the little fucks into being paranoid psychopaths in thier adulthood ya stupid bitch.

Do better if you're going to try to pull the wool over my eyes.

Just admit it's a flight of fancy and take the beating like the rodent faced troll you are.

Fuckin dumbass.

ha haha ha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

nailed teh old bird

 

[LotusBud]

He must be in mid life crisis mode. They always end up regretting it.

I'm sure he's going to be sorry. He doesn't have any friends now, and he doesn't really know this woman he's thrown his life over for. It's insane.

 

[LotusBud]

I call bullshit. The story is supposed to be current yet It's set in Portugal when you've recently posted that you're no longer there but back in the states. I suggest that harms the veracity of the whole statement and turns it from True Life into an adult Enid Blyton fairy tale.

Do you tell your children these stories at bedtime?

Way to send the little fucks into being paranoid psychopaths in thier adulthood ya stupid bitch.

Do better if you're going to try to pull the wool over my eyes.

Just admit it's a flight of fancy and take the beating like the rodent faced troll you are.

Fuckin dumbass.

@The Scoundrel Dumb fuck. I went to the US for three weeks for Christmas. Maybe keep your mouth shut if you have no clue.

 

[LotusBud]

Lotus, this situation is difficult. I’d stay out of it period. He’s in the wrong wrong and should not be enabled.

Not enabling him at all. Just not refusing to talk to him, etc. I probably won't see him much. He's moving an hour away.

 

[Biggie Smiles]

mad lol