He got pneumonia last fall and spent 5 days in the hospital and I was there every minute between work....running home to take the dog out...and going right back.
That's soo scary. Not knowing or hoping he doesn't get any worse, and all your thoughts are all about him. Makes it kind of hard to concentrate on work. Makes it hard to do anything except want to be by his side 24/7. Yeah, it's double hard going through the emotional and physical variance that comes with worrying, and extra chores.
I always feel like...what if this virus somehow triggers the MS and we wake up and he is paralyzed? Or if he has been out of touch for longer than usual while I'm working...my mind is like "he had a seizure. Yep. He had a seizure in the SHOWER and got knocked out falling and had a heart attack"
Completely irrational and I never say this stuff out loud because if I'm thinking it, he is definitely thinking it. And my daughters are thinking it.
Living life like that isn't and shouldn't be the way people live. I can understand what you're going through. Your/our mind is our worst enemies at times. We come up with the worst thing that can happen, versus reality when we all think like that. We all have done it at one point or another.
No, it's not irrational to worry about losing one of the few things you love in this life. I can very well empathize with you. Living in constant fear of the worst case scenario isn't going to make your man any healthier, and make you less crazy about all of this.
I wouldn't know where to start with any kind of advice, but I will say then you both should live each day like it's your last.
It sucks. Thank God he hasn't had any issues or bad MRIs. So the odds he will live his whole life healthy are good. Except they say it's entirely possible it can just "kick in" one day. And there isn't fuck all we can do about it. It probably won't. But it could. That's kinda how we are left with it. It's a boogeyman living in the closet.
A lot of the times we can totally forget he even has it, which a huge luxury many others with MS do not have. So I'm grateful for that.
It could be a whole hell of a lot worse and I thank the Lord all the time that it isn't.
Oh Dove, it could be much worse. I'm sure you've seen much worse in your travels.
I guess you guys just need to appreciate each day you guys have together, even the trying times, because those are the binds that tie you two together. Just enjoy your time together, who knows what tomorrow, next week, next month or even next year brings. Forgetting is nice some times, for a minute. Because you're in that perfect place where you see your man smiling, and you feel your heart flutter. Or maybe it's how he talks to people in a way most can't. The only thing you need to forget is that he has something he neither asked for or controls.
I guess we're here to make memories. We should be doing that everyday. Just my opinion.