Jokes thread

Mr. Whipple

brilliantly insane
Messages
1,388
Location
Upstate NY by the Adirondack mountains
#21
blonde woman wasn't feeling well for a few days , goes to the Doctors office for a check up , Doctor says " Good news everything checks out good and you 're about 3 weeks pregnant ...She looks at him a bit confused and says " how can you tell if it's mine ?


 

bahumbas

puny and deadly
Messages
273
Location
Thailand
#23
A lawyer is sitting on an airplane with a blonde. The lawyer told the blonde want to play a little game to kill some time? The blonde said no. The lawyer kept nagging her until she said yes. So the lawyer tells the blonde that each person take turns ask a question and if the lawyer can't answer he will give the blonde 50 bucks if the blonde can't answer the blonde should give the lawyer 5 bucks. The blonde starts first and she ask what's got 5000 arms and 4675 legs and has 23456 eyes? The lawyer thinks about it for a while, calls his friend, did an internet search and he couldn't figure it out. So he pays the blonde 50 bucks and gives up. So what's the answer ask the lawyer. The blonde pays him 5 bucks.
Did you forget part of the joke?
I don't think I miss anything in the joke. If you are still confused maybe you should read the joke again.
 

Pocketful of Sunshine

Dedicated Deviant
Elite Bastards
Messages
2,932
#25
A lawyer is sitting on an airplane with a blonde. The lawyer told the blonde want to play a little game to kill some time? The blonde said no. The lawyer kept nagging her until she said yes. So the lawyer tells the blonde that each person take turns ask a question and if the lawyer can't answer he will give the blonde 50 bucks if the blonde can't answer the blonde should give the lawyer 5 bucks. The blonde starts first and she ask what's got 5000 arms and 4675 legs and has 23456 eyes? The lawyer thinks about it for a while, calls his friend, did an internet search and he couldn't figure it out. So he pays the blonde 50 bucks and gives up. So what's the answer ask the lawyer. The blonde pays him 5 bucks.
Did you forget part of the joke?
I don't think I miss anything in the joke. If you are still confused maybe you should read the joke again.
I’ve read it about 10 times and it still makes no sense.
 

bahumbas

puny and deadly
Messages
273
Location
Thailand
#26
A lawyer is sitting on an airplane with a blonde. The lawyer told the blonde want to play a little game to kill some time? The blonde said no. The lawyer kept nagging her until she said yes. So the lawyer tells the blonde that each person take turns ask a question and if the lawyer can't answer he will give the blonde 50 bucks if the blonde can't answer the blonde should give the lawyer 5 bucks. The blonde starts first and she ask what's got 5000 arms and 4675 legs and has 23456 eyes? The lawyer thinks about it for a while, calls his friend, did an internet search and he couldn't figure it out. So he pays the blonde 50 bucks and gives up. So what's the answer ask the lawyer. The blonde pays him 5 bucks.
Did you forget part of the joke?
I don't think I miss anything in the joke. If you are still confused maybe you should read the joke again.
I’ve read it about 10 times and it still makes no sense.
The blonde outwit the lawyer by paying 5 bucks and she got 50 bucks.
 

bahumbas

puny and deadly
Messages
273
Location
Thailand
#27
Superman sees wonderwoman is fast asleep and she spread her legs wide. So superman use his x-ray vision to see through the clothes and he likes what he sees, so he flies in really fast and dry humps wonderwoman and then flies away. Wonderwoman wakes up and says what just happen and hollowman responds I don't know but my arse sure hurts.
 

TheHaze

If my dog doesn't like you, I probably won't eithe
Elite Bastards
Messages
1,971
#28
Superman sees wonderwoman is fast asleep and she spread her legs wide. So superman use his x-ray vision to see through the clothes and he likes what he sees, so he flies in really fast and dry humps wonderwoman and then flies away. Wonderwoman wakes up and says what just happen and hollowman responds I don't know but my arse sure hurts.
Ha Ha Ha -That is so funny and here is one just for you !

There was a big dog chewing on a bone and got tired and drop the bone and along came a little dog and pick up the bone and the big dog said,hey little dog you better drop my bone and the little dog said why,the big dog said you just better- - - - - - - - -
 

chew the fat

[unofficial] Internet Doctor.
Messages
801
#29
Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square.



The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."



The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."



The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'."



The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."



Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well ...?"



She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38" DD bust, 24" waist and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, everybody says, "Oh My God."
 

Pocketful of Sunshine

Dedicated Deviant
Elite Bastards
Messages
2,932
#30
A lawyer is sitting on an airplane with a blonde. The lawyer told the blonde want to play a little game to kill some time? The blonde said no. The lawyer kept nagging her until she said yes. So the lawyer tells the blonde that each person take turns ask a question and if the lawyer can't answer he will give the blonde 50 bucks if the blonde can't answer the blonde should give the lawyer 5 bucks. The blonde starts first and she ask what's got 5000 arms and 4675 legs and has 23456 eyes? The lawyer thinks about it for a while, calls his friend, did an internet search and he couldn't figure it out. So he pays the blonde 50 bucks and gives up. So what's the answer ask the lawyer. The blonde pays him 5 bucks.
Did you forget part of the joke?
I don't think I miss anything in the joke. If you are still confused maybe you should read the joke again.
I’ve read it about 10 times and it still makes no sense.
The blonde outwit the lawyer by paying 5 bucks and she got 50 bucks.
So basically she paid him with his own money?
 

HELLFIRE

Dedicated Deviant
Messages
919
#31
I think because she came up with a question that couldn't be answered and made 50 bucks.. THAT is supposed to be the joke -_-
 

chew the fat

[unofficial] Internet Doctor.
Messages
801
#32
You Might Be A Redneck If...

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.


2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how
much gas is in it.


3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.


4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.


5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest rooms so clean.


6. Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey ya'll, watch this".


7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.


8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.


9. Your junior prom offered daycare.


10. You think the last words of the "Star-Spangled Banner" are "Gentlemen, start your engines".


11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.


12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.


13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.


14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.


15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.


17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.


18. You can't remember what is under the blue tarp in the front of your house.
 

TheHaze

If my dog doesn't like you, I probably won't eithe
Elite Bastards
Messages
1,971
#39
 

Kilroy

...was here.
Messages
1,155
Location
Here.
#40
I think because she came up with a question that couldn't be answered and made 50 bucks.. THAT is supposed to be the joke -_-
The joke is she came up with a question the lawyer didn't know the answer to, so he gave her $50. She didn't know the answer, either, she gave him $5 back. She conned the lawyer out of $45.
 
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