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I e even crashed my bike because tears will spontaneously stream and I get these bad movies in my head
 
They left me alone with the heartbreaking responsibility and when it was over I told everyone exactly what losers they are and now they’ve destroyed my life
 
As long as you keep doing that, it's still gonna be there poisoning you, dude. Grieving is normal and healthy. But, on the premise that your mama loved you, she wouldn't want you to spend the rest of your life hurting. Right?