Make an absurd accusation about the poster above you.

Your house is next and leave the (red) light on -
 
He emptied the nightstand drawer where they hid the sex toys and made his way downstairs to the kitchen where he raided the refrigerator and drank orange juice from the carton before fleeing with a buttered dinner roll in his mouth….
 
Wants to lick the custard from my butt crack -
 
Wishes she could climb in my new cozy bed during a rainstorm with scary lightening so Alfonso and I can read her a bedtime story.

But, but that might be true. Alfonso? hahahahahahahaha

That still cracks me up.

Had a kennel with Halo installed so that if her crazy stalker Duhv ever comes to Santa Monica she can keep her locked up until she gets her rabies shots.