Murdock's home renovations...DIY awesomeness

[Dove]

Bonus if you walk out of the bathroom talking about what you ate the night before.

If he joins in the convo .....he is a winner.

Oh, I prolly would've been the one to bring it up first, like "dayum girl, what you eat!?" lolol

A man with long term potential will help you figure out WTF tore up your insides.

It's about being practical.

Exactly, cause I have tummy issues sometimes too. Its also in my caring genes to want someone to feel better that feels like shit.

I have a fucked up left kidney. And MOST of the time I'm VERY healthy. I eat well. I'm active. My body is in good shape. I do not have issues often.

But when I DO get sick from my kidney.... I get SICK. It's not pretty. Its painful. Its gross. My temperament isnt the best. I throw up. I cry. I get very short tempered. My husband plays a role in this I just dont think another person ever could. He gets very involved. Deals with my doctors on my behalf and knows how to deal with me and never does it even a tiny bit begrudgingly.

If guy cannot deal with shitting there is no way he can deal with someones chronic kidney problems.

I have a method to my madness and shit testing lol. But I'm not single and dont intend to be so the male population can know their toilets are safe. From me, at least :D

 

[Seamajor]

bastard factory, do you think you could do us all a favor and dismiss the content speedbumb also known as seamajor from this thread?

He's like a fucking pothole to the flow of a good conversation

seriously

Im surprised you’re posting here. So far, it lacks your 2 favorite subjects, but dont stop

 

[Dove]

I am 85 percent convinced that Bigs demonic second ex wife tried to put some sort of voodoo hex on me. And no I'm not joking. I actually suspect this lol.

His first one I got along with pretty well.

Do you remember all the face book drama and my Ex Mills?

I've convinced she made about 60% of that shit up

You mean that shit that made me want to stab my eyeballs out with shards of broken glass every night when I was on night shift?

Yeah. A little bit :D

 

[Biggie Smiles]

I'll never date a Haitian chick again

ever.

I'd sooner chop off my own dick and have some eager third party shove it up breakfall's ass before I do that.


ugh.......

 

[Blazor]

Bonus if you walk out of the bathroom talking about what you ate the night before.

If he joins in the convo .....he is a winner.

Oh, I prolly would've been the one to bring it up first, like "dayum girl, what you eat!?" lolol

A man with long term potential will help you figure out WTF tore up your insides.

It's about being practical.

Exactly, cause I have tummy issues sometimes too. Its also in my caring genes to want someone to feel better that feels like shit.

I have a fucked up left kidney. And MOST of the time I'm VERY healthy. I eat well. I'm active. My body is in good shape. I do not have issues often.

But when I DO get sick from my kidney.... I get SICK. It's not pretty. Its painful. Its gross. My temperament isnt the best. I throw up. I cry. I get very short tempered. My husband plays a role in this I just dont think another person ever could. He gets very involved. Deals with my doctors on my behalf and knows how to deal with me and never does it even a tiny bit begrudgingly.

If guy cannot deal with shitting there is no way he can deal with someones chronic kidney problems.

I have a method to my madness and shit testing lol. But I'm not single and dont intend to be so the male population can know their toilets are safe. From me, at least :D

Oh I understand! My wife always had kidney issues.

 

[Biggie Smiles]

I am 85 percent convinced that Bigs demonic second ex wife tried to put some sort of voodoo hex on me. And no I'm not joking. I actually suspect this lol.

His first one I got along with pretty well.

Do you remember all the face book drama and my Ex Mills?

I've convinced she made about 60% of that shit up

You mean that shit that made me want to stab my eyeballs out with shards of broken glass every night when I was on night shift?

Yeah. A little bit :D

Omg she was such a fucking whiner. And the shit she'd come up with .......

 

[Blazor]

I'll never date a Haitian chick again

ever.

I'd sooner chop off my own dick and have some eager third party shove it up breakfall's ass before I do that.


ugh.......

I'll have to remember this lol.

 

[Frood]

I'm gonna bow out. My ex is my wife again and couldn't be happier... 12 years going these days.

 

[Dove]

I am 85 percent convinced that Bigs demonic second ex wife tried to put some sort of voodoo hex on me. And no I'm not joking. I actually suspect this lol.

His first one I got along with pretty well.

Do you remember all the face book drama and my Ex Mills?

I've convinced she made about 60% of that shit up

You mean that shit that made me want to stab my eyeballs out with shards of broken glass every night when I was on night shift?

Yeah. A little bit :D

Omg she was such a fucking whiner. And the shit she'd come up with .......

88 selfies. Bragging about YOUR car.

Asking me a total of 6 times if you were really a "good guy".

I still have a scar on my tongue from biting it.

 

[Biggie Smiles]

I am 85 percent convinced that Bigs demonic second ex wife tried to put some sort of voodoo hex on me. And no I'm not joking. I actually suspect this lol.

His first one I got along with pretty well.

Do you remember all the face book drama and my Ex Mills?

I've convinced she made about 60% of that shit up

You mean that shit that made me want to stab my eyeballs out with shards of broken glass every night when I was on night shift?

Yeah. A little bit :D

Omg she was such a fucking whiner. And the shit she'd come up with .......

88 selfies. Bragging about YOUR car.

Asking me a total of 6 times if you were really a "good guy".

I still have a scar on my tongue from biting it.

was it 88?

I thought it was more like 8,888,888

good lord

 

[Murdy]

I know you're right!!!!

At the club the other week, there was a cute gal, I thought she was a lesbian lol. This goofy fucker started grinding on her, next thing ya know he had her number. I was like "wtf?" lol.

My problem, is I assume most aint single. Which, 95% of the time they aint.

These days I pick girls at the club

Girls in swimsuits, can't get more natural than that

No wonder bras, no makeup, under the sun, wet hair. If they look good that way, well...

I clean up way too well so my strategy is always messy buns, no make up and sweat pants/yoga pants.

Make them like that as the standard first lol. Then they appreciate the effort more :D

ALWAYS take a shit at a mans house to test how serious he really is.

Lololol wtf!

Shit test!? lololol

Oh you’ve never endure it?

I go the opposite route and pretend I don’t have a butthole until we are 6 months in. Then they are all excited the first time you fart lol

Hahahahaha.

I mean, I've had gals shit at my house lol, but not like a test lol.

Everything is a test from the moment you start talking to a woman….

For instance: my best friend since 1991 has been a single mom with a deadbeat ex for the past 14 years. She has been alone and sexless for 12 of those years because she didn’t want anyone around her daughter. She texted me one day and we were both ROFLMAO because she took off her overalls and saw a moth flying around the bathroom while she was peeing and insinuated it flew out of her no~no. I told her she better get back on the horse before it dries up and falls off. I’m pretty sure her hymen grew back during that 10+ years…

But she was casually dating a guy she was into, and made the mistake of treating it like it was serious. When he was good, he got the full done her with cleavage, mermaid hair and lipgloss. When he wasn’t acting right, he got the fuck you bun and sweats.

A woman is going to get attached sexually regardless of how casual either of you think it is. So just keep that in mind.

I live by one rule in dating…. once you start having sex, it’s time to clear the bench. I don’t do the double dip or married.

 

[Biggie Smiles]

about 9 or so posts back there's a pothole

swerve to the left if you wish to avoid it


this has been a public service announcement

 

[Oerdin]

I am 85 percent convinced that Bigs demonic second ex wife tried to put some sort of voodoo hex on me. And no I'm not joking. I actually suspect this lol.

His first one I got along with pretty well.

Do you remember all the face book drama and my Ex Mills?

I've convinced she made about 60% of that shit up

You mean that shit that made me want to stab my eyeballs out with shards of broken glass every night when I was on night shift?

Yeah. A little bit :D

Omg she was such a fucking whiner. And the shit she'd come up with .......

So why did you marry her then? I mean, that is the sort of shit you learn when you are dating. Recognize what you dislike and avoid it.

 

[Biggie Smiles]

I am 85 percent convinced that Bigs demonic second ex wife tried to put some sort of voodoo hex on me. And no I'm not joking. I actually suspect this lol.

His first one I got along with pretty well.

Do you remember all the face book drama and my Ex Mills?

I've convinced she made about 60% of that shit up

You mean that shit that made me want to stab my eyeballs out with shards of broken glass every night when I was on night shift?

Yeah. A little bit :D

Omg she was such a fucking whiner. And the shit she'd come up with .......

So why did you marry her then? I meam, that is the sort of shit you learn when you are dating. Recognize what you dislike and avoid it.

She was good at hiding it.

And she practically sucked my prostate out through my peehole

and in those days my dick's opinion of my partner is all that mattered to me

I've grown since then

 

[Dove]

I am 85 percent convinced that Bigs demonic second ex wife tried to put some sort of voodoo hex on me. And no I'm not joking. I actually suspect this lol.

His first one I got along with pretty well.

Do you remember all the face book drama and my Ex Mills?

I've convinced she made about 60% of that shit up

You mean that shit that made me want to stab my eyeballs out with shards of broken glass every night when I was on night shift?

Yeah. A little bit :D

Omg she was such a fucking whiner. And the shit she'd come up with .......

88 selfies. Bragging about YOUR car.

Asking me a total of 6 times if you were really a "good guy".

I still have a scar on my tongue from biting it.

was it 88?

I thought it was more like 8,888,888

good lord

I was being nice.

I mean who posts a FB post talking about their daughters 5th graduation or whatever fucking event was occurring that centered on their daughter that week.....and then posts like, maybe ONE pic of the kid followed by 65 fucking pics of themselves?

I have at least a hundred thoughts on this topic. None of which I'm gonna post on BF lmao.

 

[Lily]

I am 85 percent convinced that Bigs demonic second ex wife tried to put some sort of voodoo hex on me. And no I'm not joking. I actually suspect this lol.

His first one I got along with pretty well.

Do you remember all the face book drama and my Ex Mills?

I've convinced she made about 60% of that shit up

You mean that shit that made me want to stab my eyeballs out with shards of broken glass every night when I was on night shift?

Yeah. A little bit :D

Omg she was such a fucking whiner. And the shit she'd come up with .......

So why did you marry her then? I meam, that is the sort of shit you learn when you are dating. Recognize what you dislike and avoid it.

It's best not to bash one's exes to excess. We chose them.

 

[Lokmar]

I am 85 percent convinced that Bigs demonic second ex wife tried to put some sort of voodoo hex on me. And no I'm not joking. I actually suspect this lol.

His first one I got along with pretty well.

Do you remember all the face book drama and my Ex Mills?

I've convinced she made about 60% of that shit up

You mean that shit that made me want to stab my eyeballs out with shards of broken glass every night when I was on night shift?

Yeah. A little bit :D

Omg she was such a fucking whiner. And the shit she'd come up with .......

So why did you marry her then? I meam, that is the sort of shit you learn when you are dating. Recognize what you dislike and avoid it.

She was good at hiding it.

And she practically sucked my prostate out through my peehole

and in those days my dick's opinion of my partner is all that mattered to me

I've grown since then

My standard issue answer:

 

[Blazor]

I know you're right!!!!

At the club the other week, there was a cute gal, I thought she was a lesbian lol. This goofy fucker started grinding on her, next thing ya know he had her number. I was like "wtf?" lol.

My problem, is I assume most aint single. Which, 95% of the time they aint.

These days I pick girls at the club

Girls in swimsuits, can't get more natural than that

No wonder bras, no makeup, under the sun, wet hair. If they look good that way, well...

I clean up way too well so my strategy is always messy buns, no make up and sweat pants/yoga pants.

Make them like that as the standard first lol. Then they appreciate the effort more :D

ALWAYS take a shit at a mans house to test how serious he really is.

Lololol wtf!

Shit test!? lololol

Oh you’ve never endure it?

I go the opposite route and pretend I don’t have a butthole until we are 6 months in. Then they are all excited the first time you fart lol

Hahahahaha.

I mean, I've had gals shit at my house lol, but not like a test lol.

Everything is a test from the moment you start talking to a woman….

For instance: my best friend since 1991 has been a single mom with a deadbeat ex for the past 14 years. She has been alone and sexless for 12 of those years because she didn’t want anyone around her daughter. She texted me one day and we were both ROFLMAO because she took off her overalls and saw a moth flying around the bathroom while she was peeing and insinuated it flew out of her no~no. I told her she better get back on the horse before it dries up and falls off. I’m pretty sure her hymen grew back during that 10+ years…

But she was casually dating a guy she was into, and made the mistake of treating it like it was serious. When he was good, he got the full done her with cleavage, mermaid hair and lipgloss. When he wasn’t acting right, he got the fuck you bun and sweats.

A woman is going to get attached sexually regardless of how casual either of you think it is. So just keep that in mind.

I live by one rule in dating…. once you start having sex, it’s time to clear the bench. I don’t do the double dip or married.

Hahahaha, the moth!!!!

Oh I know there are tests!

Yeah, I dont believe in cheating either, one of my biggest rules! In fact, my only rules are 1) dont lie to me, 2) dont fuck me over, and 3) dont cheat on me! First 2 rules apply to my friends, the 3rd rule is added for the lady.

I know you got a good man now, and I aint flirting.... but I still would've liked to of met you for coffee when you asked me when you was in Seattle. I think we would've laughed our butts off just talking lol.

 

[Murdy]

Bonus if you walk out of the bathroom talking about what you ate the night before.

If he joins in the convo .....he is a winner.

Oh, I prolly would've been the one to bring it up first, like "dayum girl, what you eat!?" lolol

I have the most horrific fart story…

So we were having a disagreement a few days ago about how to start the kitchen. He is stubborn and I’m persistent AF with my opinions. You literally have to prove me wrong or I’m not budging, so I’m a royal pain in the ass sometimes. So, we made a pact to always preserve “the bubble” (the safe, squishy place where love remains). So, he decides to lessen the mood with a joke at my experience of course, which made me laugh because he knows me too well… and a fart slipped out. But I couldn’t stop laughing and then another fart slipped out… and another… and another until finally the finale blast erupted. He was like “gawd damn woman!!! do you need a fucking diaper!??”

And then I laughed so hard I peed my pants on the kitchen floor.

 

[Seamajor]

I am 85 percent convinced that Bigs demonic second ex wife tried to put some sort of voodoo hex on me. And no I'm not joking. I actually suspect this lol.

His first one I got along with pretty well.

Do you remember all the face book drama and my Ex Mills?

I've convinced she made about 60% of that shit up

You mean that shit that made me want to stab my eyeballs out with shards of broken glass every night when I was on night shift?

Yeah. A little bit :D

Omg she was such a fucking whiner. And the shit she'd come up with .......

So why did you marry her then? I meam, that is the sort of shit you learn when you are dating. Recognize what you dislike and avoid it.

She was good at hiding it.

And she practically sucked my prostate out through my peehole

and in those days my dick's opinion of my partner is all that mattered to me

I've grown since then

But you’re still 5’2

 

[Biggie Smiles]

make that

two pot holes behind us

careful driving there, folks

 

[Lily]

I know you're right!!!!

At the club the other week, there was a cute gal, I thought she was a lesbian lol. This goofy fucker started grinding on her, next thing ya know he had her number. I was like "wtf?" lol.

My problem, is I assume most aint single. Which, 95% of the time they aint.

These days I pick girls at the club

Girls in swimsuits, can't get more natural than that

No wonder bras, no makeup, under the sun, wet hair. If they look good that way, well...

I clean up way too well so my strategy is always messy buns, no make up and sweat pants/yoga pants.

Make them like that as the standard first lol. Then they appreciate the effort more :D

ALWAYS take a shit at a mans house to test how serious he really is.

Lololol wtf!

Shit test!? lololol

Oh you’ve never endure it?

I go the opposite route and pretend I don’t have a butthole until we are 6 months in. Then they are all excited the first time you fart lol

Hahahahaha.

I mean, I've had gals shit at my house lol, but not like a test lol.

Everything is a test from the moment you start talking to a woman….

For instance: my best friend since 1991 has been a single mom with a deadbeat ex for the past 14 years. She has been alone and sexless for 12 of those years because she didn’t want anyone around her daughter. She texted me one day and we were both ROFLMAO because she took off her overalls and saw a moth flying around the bathroom while she was peeing and insinuated it flew out of her no~no. I told her she better get back on the horse before it dries up and falls off. I’m pretty sure her hymen grew back during that 10+ years…

But she was casually dating a guy she was into, and made the mistake of treating it like it was serious. When he was good, he got the full done her with cleavage, mermaid hair and lipgloss. When he wasn’t acting right, he got the fuck you bun and sweats.

A woman is going to get attached sexually regardless of how casual either of you think it is. So just keep that in mind.

I live by one rule in dating…. once you start having sex, it’s time to clear the bench. I don’t do the double dip or married.

Hahahaha, the moth!!!!

Oh I know there are tests!

Yeah, I dont believe in cheating either, one of my biggest rules! In fact, my only rules are 1) dont lie to me, 2) dont fuck me over, and 3) dont cheat on me! First 2 rules apply to my friends, the 3rd rule is added for the lady.

I know you got a good man now, and I aint flirting.... but I still would've liked to of met you for coffee when you asked me when you was in Seattle. I think we would've laughed our butts off just talking lol.

Cheating is the worst, but each couple handles it in their own way.

 

[Biggie Smiles]

Bonus if you walk out of the bathroom talking about what you ate the night before.

If he joins in the convo .....he is a winner.

Oh, I prolly would've been the one to bring it up first, like "dayum girl, what you eat!?" lolol

I have the most horrific fart story…

So we were having a disagreement a few days ago about how to start the kitchen. He is stubborn and I’m persistent AF with my opinions. You literally have to prove me wrong or I’m not budging, so I’m a royal pain in the ass sometimes. So, we made a pact to always preserve “the bubble” (the safe, squishy place where love remains). So, he decides to lessen the mood with a joke at my experience of course, which made me laugh because he knows me too well… and a fart slipped out. But I couldn’t stop laughing and then another fart slipped out… and another… and another until finally the finale blast erupted. He was like “gawd damn woman!!! do you need a fucking diaper!??”

And then I laughed so hard I peed my pants on the kitchen floor.

has he ever given you a dutch oven?

 

[Dove]

I am 85 percent convinced that Bigs demonic second ex wife tried to put some sort of voodoo hex on me. And no I'm not joking. I actually suspect this lol.

His first one I got along with pretty well.

Do you remember all the face book drama and my Ex Mills?

I've convinced she made about 60% of that shit up

You mean that shit that made me want to stab my eyeballs out with shards of broken glass every night when I was on night shift?

Yeah. A little bit :D

Omg she was such a fucking whiner. And the shit she'd come up with .......

So why did you marry her then? I meam, that is the sort of shit you learn when you are dating. Recognize what you dislike and avoid it.

Yep. I had an impressive string of horrid and toxic relationships and really have no to blame but myself.

I mean.....I'm not responsible for the fucked up things another person's chooses to do but I am responsible for what I'm willing to invite into my life and invest my feelings in.

When you dont recognize your own value, it shows in who you chose as a partner. When you chose to love someone you have to own the pain they inflict on you.

 

[Breakfall]

Bonus if you walk out of the bathroom talking about what you ate the night before.

If he joins in the convo .....he is a winner.

Oh, I prolly would've been the one to bring it up first, like "dayum girl, what you eat!?" lolol

I have the most horrific fart story…

So we were having a disagreement a few days ago about how to start the kitchen. He is stubborn and I’m persistent AF with my opinions. You literally have to prove me wrong or I’m not budging, so I’m a royal pain in the ass sometimes. So, we made a pact to always preserve “the bubble” (the safe, squishy place where love remains). So, he decides to lessen the mood with a joke at my experience of course, which made me laugh because he knows me too well… and a fart slipped out. But I couldn’t stop laughing and then another fart slipped out… and another… and another until finally the finale blast erupted. He was like “gawd damn woman!!! do you need a fucking diaper!??”

And then I laughed so hard I peed my pants on the kitchen floor.

Righto….

 

[Murdy]

I know you're right!!!!

At the club the other week, there was a cute gal, I thought she was a lesbian lol. This goofy fucker started grinding on her, next thing ya know he had her number. I was like "wtf?" lol.

My problem, is I assume most aint single. Which, 95% of the time they aint.

These days I pick girls at the club

Girls in swimsuits, can't get more natural than that

No wonder bras, no makeup, under the sun, wet hair. If they look good that way, well...

I clean up way too well so my strategy is always messy buns, no make up and sweat pants/yoga pants.

Make them like that as the standard first lol. Then they appreciate the effort more :D

ALWAYS take a shit at a mans house to test how serious he really is.

Lololol wtf!

Shit test!? lololol

Oh you’ve never endure it?

I go the opposite route and pretend I don’t have a butthole until we are 6 months in. Then they are all excited the first time you fart lol

Hahahahaha.

I mean, I've had gals shit at my house lol, but not like a test lol.

Everything is a test from the moment you start talking to a woman….

For instance: my best friend since 1991 has been a single mom with a deadbeat ex for the past 14 years. She has been alone and sexless for 12 of those years because she didn’t want anyone around her daughter. She texted me one day and we were both ROFLMAO because she took off her overalls and saw a moth flying around the bathroom while she was peeing and insinuated it flew out of her no~no. I told her she better get back on the horse before it dries up and falls off. I’m pretty sure her hymen grew back during that 10+ years…

But she was casually dating a guy she was into, and made the mistake of treating it like it was serious. When he was good, he got the full done her with cleavage, mermaid hair and lipgloss. When he wasn’t acting right, he got the fuck you bun and sweats.

A woman is going to get attached sexually regardless of how casual either of you think it is. So just keep that in mind.

I live by one rule in dating…. once you start having sex, it’s time to clear the bench. I don’t do the double dip or married.

Hahahaha, the moth!!!!

Oh I know there are tests!

Yeah, I dont believe in cheating either, one of my biggest rules! In fact, my only rules are 1) dont lie to me, 2) dont fuck me over, and 3) dont cheat on me! First 2 rules apply to my friends, the 3rd rule is added for the lady.

I know you got a good man now, and I aint flirting.... but I still would've liked to of met you for coffee when you asked me when you was in Seattle. I think we would've laughed our butts off just talking lol.

We have a no cheat rule too. I’m like do not stick any part of you in anyone else and we will be fine.

But we both wanted to be married and talked a lot about our needs from this relationship from the beginning. He is a great communicator and that’s much needed for a chronic over thinker.

We do the daily/weekly check in of:

How are you?

How are we?

What do you need?

It is amazing at how simple and effective it is.

 

[Lily]

Bonus if you walk out of the bathroom talking about what you ate the night before.

If he joins in the convo .....he is a winner.

Oh, I prolly would've been the one to bring it up first, like "dayum girl, what you eat!?" lolol

I have the most horrific fart story…

So we were having a disagreement a few days ago about how to start the kitchen. He is stubborn and I’m persistent AF with my opinions. You literally have to prove me wrong or I’m not budging, so I’m a royal pain in the ass sometimes. So, we made a pact to always preserve “the bubble” (the safe, squishy place where love remains). So, he decides to lessen the mood with a joke at my experience of course, which made me laugh because he knows me too well… and a fart slipped out. But I couldn’t stop laughing and then another fart slipped out… and another… and another until finally the finale blast erupted. He was like “gawd damn woman!!! do you need a fucking diaper!??”

And then I laughed so hard I peed my pants on the kitchen floor.

What the hell are you eating? lol

 

[Biggie Smiles]

We have a no cheat rule too.

Isn't that like, automatically implied when you first commit?

I really can't think of a scenario where we're breaking out the post it notes and making sure we remind each other of that and there being a positive outcome.

no?

 

[Dove]

We have a no cheat rule too.

Isn't that like, automatically implied when you first commit?

I really can't think of a scenario where we're breaking out the post it notes and making sure we remind each other of that and there being a positive outcome.

no?

Probably a CA thing lol

 

[Blazor]

Bonus if you walk out of the bathroom talking about what you ate the night before.

If he joins in the convo .....he is a winner.

Oh, I prolly would've been the one to bring it up first, like "dayum girl, what you eat!?" lolol

I have the most horrific fart story…

So we were having a disagreement a few days ago about how to start the kitchen. He is stubborn and I’m persistent AF with my opinions. You literally have to prove me wrong or I’m not budging, so I’m a royal pain in the ass sometimes. So, we made a pact to always preserve “the bubble” (the safe, squishy place where love remains). So, he decides to lessen the mood with a joke at my experience of course, which made me laugh because he knows me too well… and a fart slipped out. But I couldn’t stop laughing and then another fart slipped out… and another… and another until finally the finale blast erupted. He was like “gawd damn woman!!! do you need a fucking diaper!??”

And then I laughed so hard I peed my pants on the kitchen floor.

Bahahahaahahha!!!!!

Beer makes me fart wind, and when I was at the club the other night, I couldnt clench hard enough, and I was jumping up and down, and every jump, a lil fart sneaked out lol. I didnt care lol, the bass was hitting enough lol.