Murdock's home renovations...DIY awesomeness

[Biggie Smiles]

When I was actively cheating on my second wife I had this petite Jamaican chick, 115 pounds soaking wet (if that) and timid as fuck.

Good looking girl but real quite in public.

Got her back to her place to fuck.


to fuck





to fuccccckkkkkkkkkk






and fuccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkk some more


and then my dick started smelling like burnt flesh and I figured I'd had about enough


and god dammit that pussy just wouldn't die. So there I was, bed moved a full 5ft from the wall, old lady in the apartment below launching her fucking broom through the ceiling and me thinking to myself I never wanna have sex again!

She was a beast that would make beasts run for their lives

After that I can always be heard saying "every man wants a nympo until he gets one"


this video reminds me of our interaction

I always forget your second wife even existed

I hope SATAN doesn't forget

Did she finally marry him?

Satan?

They been married


since the day she was born I believe

that rotten fucking bitch

Satan was hooked up with my ex too. What a ho!

My ex used to put arsenic in my food.

Can you believe that shit?

as nice of a guy as I am?

that cunt

I was suspicious my ex was trying to kill me. She was a nurse and I never had proof but I started having health issues at the end of our marriage.

Okay so check this out. True story.

We had 3 kids between us at the time. My two sons and her daughter. I worked as a big wig for a bank at the time and was very very busy all day long with meetings and shit.

but despite all that she'd always feel the need to call me in the afternoon to tell me she cooked and to supply me with detailed instructions on which Tupperware container MY food was in as opposed to that of the 3 kids. And yes the lids were all color coded.

So let's say for the sake of argument I was assigned the green container placed specifically above the microwave. That was the container I was to eat when I got home.

Well, to my own benefit I simply yesed her off the phone each and every time, but as usual rarely listened to anything this cunt said. So of course, when I got home I naturally chose the container I felt had the least amount of her nasty slop in it. Which was probably the one allocated to my youngest son. Who, coincidentally, would rather eat cat hair balls than anything she cooked cause it was so fucking nasty.

Yes, Haitians aren't exactly known for their contributions to world cuisine.

Me? I had to at least give the appearance that I ate some of it or holy fucking hell would break loose. But sadly, it did anyway as I always seemed to choose the wrong container. And boy did she blow a fucking gasket when that happened.

Yeah, she was trying to poison me. The bitch.

 

[Blazor]

I know you're right!!!!

At the club the other week, there was a cute gal, I thought she was a lesbian lol. This goofy fucker started grinding on her, next thing ya know he had her number. I was like "wtf?" lol.

My problem, is I assume most aint single. Which, 95% of the time they aint.

These days I pick girls at the club

Girls in swimsuits, can't get more natural than that

No wonder bras, no makeup, under the sun, wet hair. If they look good that way, well...

I clean up way too well so my strategy is always messy buns, no make up and sweat pants/yoga pants.

Make them like that as the standard first lol. Then they appreciate the effort more :D

ALWAYS take a shit at a mans house to test how serious he really is.

Lololol wtf!

Shit test!? lololol

Oh you’ve never endure it?

I go the opposite route and pretend I don’t have a butthole until we are 6 months in. Then they are all excited the first time you fart lol

Hahahahaha.

I mean, I've had gals shit at my house lol, but not like a test lol.

 

[Biggie Smiles]

tortured soul.

I smiled when I read that

just sayin

 

[Breakfall]

Girls shitting….oh goody gumdrops!

 

[Blazor]

Bonus if you walk out of the bathroom talking about what you ate the night before.

If he joins in the convo .....he is a winner.

Oh, I prolly would've been the one to bring it up first, like "dayum girl, what you eat!?" lolol

 

[Seamajor]

I know you're right!!!!

At the club the other week, there was a cute gal, I thought she was a lesbian lol. This goofy fucker started grinding on her, next thing ya know he had her number. I was like "wtf?" lol.

My problem, is I assume most aint single. Which, 95% of the time they aint.

These days I pick girls at the club

Girls in swimsuits, can't get more natural than that

No wonder bras, no makeup, under the sun, wet hair. If they look good that way, well...

I clean up way too well so my strategy is always messy buns, no make up and sweat pants/yoga pants.

Make them like that as the standard first lol. Then they appreciate the effort more :D

ALWAYS take a shit at a mans house to test how serious he really is.

Lololol wtf!

Shit test!? lololol

Just another reason why girl's shit don't stink (unless it really does)...

Personal knowledge

 

[Blazor]

Girls shitting….oh goody gumdrops!

Are you already opening your mouth?

 

[Dove]

Bonus if you walk out of the bathroom talking about what you ate the night before.

If he joins in the convo .....he is a winner.

Oh, I prolly would've been the one to bring it up first, like "dayum girl, what you eat!?" lolol

A man with long term potential will help you figure out WTF tore up your insides.

It's about being practical.

 

[Dove]

Girls shitting….oh goody gumdrops!

Are you already opening your mouth?

"Girls"

 

[Biggie Smiles]

Girls shitting….oh goody gumdrops!

Are you already opening your mouth?

CONTENT!!!!!

 

[Frood]

Bonus if you walk out of the bathroom talking about what you ate the night before.

If he joins in the convo .....he is a winner.

I left a massive turd caught in the bend last night.... like a big beefy corn encrusted pot roast poo...

So I left it... to hear the reactions from my girls in the morning.... PRICELESS@!

 

[Breakfall]

Girls shitting….oh goody gumdrops!

Are you already opening your mouth?

Eeeeeeew. Did you open yours for a bit of turd?

 

[Biggie Smiles]

Girls shitting….oh goody gumdrops!

Are you already opening your mouth?

"Girls"

lmao -right?

I'd have said women. In an entirely different sexual context that didn't involve shit tho

 

[Dove]

I am 85 percent convinced that Bigs demonic second ex wife tried to put some sort of voodoo hex on me. And no I'm not joking. I actually suspect this lol.

His first one I got along with pretty well.

 

[Blazor]

Bonus if you walk out of the bathroom talking about what you ate the night before.

If he joins in the convo .....he is a winner.

Oh, I prolly would've been the one to bring it up first, like "dayum girl, what you eat!?" lolol

A man with long term potential will help you figure out WTF tore up your insides.

It's about being practical.

Exactly, cause I have tummy issues sometimes too. Its also in my caring genes to want someone to feel better that feels like shit.

 

[Biggie Smiles]

In the spirit of Breaky's unwavering commitment to indulging in great content can we get us a 2 girls and a cup thread?

He'll be happy as a pig in shit I'm sure.

and the site will thrive.

undoubtedly

 

[Breakfall]

Bonus if you walk out of the bathroom talking about what you ate the night before.

If he joins in the convo .....he is a winner.

Oh, I prolly would've been the one to bring it up first, like "dayum girl, what you eat!?" lolol

A man with long term potential will help you figure out WTF tore up your insides.

It's about being practical.

Exactly, cause I have tummy issues sometimes too. Its also in my caring genes to want someone to feel better that feels like shit.

Who the fuck are you talking to?

 

[Oerdin]

Man, I'd love to renovate some pussy! Been nearly 2 years lol.

Damn son

It's been like 2 hours since I fucked my lady and I'm already feeling frisky


holy shiznit!

Hell yeah lol.

My last gf and I broke up not long after the scamdemic started. Made it hard to meet folks. I aint doing dating sites either. Glad things are coming around again.

Last time I was single, was 8 years ago, for 1 year. This is only the 2nd time I been single for a bit. Been nice doing whatever the fuck I want though lol.

I would hate being single today. I'm so used to having a partner it would be such a huge adjustment. And I would not bother even trying to meet anyone if I did end up single. Even vetting people isnt a guarantee you wont end up with a nut.

I have a small child and I take care of my mom, though. So I definately wouldnt take any risk on any new people. I tend to be too nice and forgiving. The attitude towards single moms on the gross dating scene of today is horrible and dehumanizing and then there are predators who intentionally go after single moms for the purpose of abusing their child.

No fucking thanks. Plus I'd die of rage if my husband actually moved on from me lol. And he would eventually, and fuck that.

It should be easier for you though, you are a guy. And you have no small children and not a ton of baggage. I dont blame you on the dating sites
.....those are garbage.

You're right!

Yeah "should" be easier for me. All the ones I run into aint single though lol. So strange. Maybe its the circle Im running in lately.

Fuck the clubs. Maybe I need to find some new hobbies to meet folks at. In my music circle they all in relationships.

I'm not a good one to give advice on how to meet people. Every single relationship or "entanglement" I've had has been with someone I just happened upon while living my life.

I dont really have rules like "I will NOT meet anyone on THIS venue" though. EXCEPT dating sites.

I actually once went out with a guy I met on Plenty of Fish when I was trolling the site for a friend. She found her boyfriends PoF profile and wanted to know if he was active on it. So she begged me to make a fake profile and try to hit him up. Some man started chatting me and I had to tell him that the profile was fake and why.....he thought it was funny.

He was a real wack job and got really clingy after one date that wasnt even a good one. It's like we had two completely different experiences on the same date because I was not feeling it at ALL and evidently he was feeling it TOO much.

I'm pretty put off on dating sites but then....getting out there to meet people for that purpose isnt something I ever do. I like it to just happen.

I met my husband on FB. We had mutual friends and met on a comment list and were posting movie quotes to eachother and it just went from there lol. He invited me out and when he came to pick me up, my daughter (who is now 16) threw a shoe at him because she didnt want me to date anyone.

Today (ten years later) she loves him, calls him dad and regards him as her father. They are close and have a great relationship. One he totally earned.

Just go do stuff and be approachable. Do stuff you LIKE to do, that way if you meet someone doing that you have some shared interests already. Who the fuck wants to mess with the kind of people who go "clubbing" lol. Yuck.

I gotcha!

I dont have a Fakebook either lol. Never did that shit, and never will.

Yeah, I dont go out "looking", I just go out and have fun. If I meet someone I meet someone. Thats how I been rolling anyway lol.

I did go to a dance club couple weeks ago lol. Lil gal was in the same mode I was, fun mode, and she got me to dance with her.

I figure most gals are use to being asked their number. I hate it how a lot of dudes gives the rest of us dudes a bad image.

If you dont ask for the number, they will think you are not interested.

Most women do NOT like to be the ones perusing. If you dont ask....they just assume you arent interested.

I know you're right!!!!

At the club the other week, there was a cute gal, I thought she was a lesbian lol. This goofy fucker started grinding on her, next thing ya know he had her number. I was like "wtf?" lol.

My problem, is I assume most aint single. Which, 95% of the time they aint.

I get offended if married or attached men try to sniff around me.

They may as well just say I seem like a gullible skank they can use to medicate their frustrations and inability to manage their relationships.

It's really fucking gross.

Except when it was Big and I wasnt really the "other woman" except for technicalities and he really did a great job making sure I had not even the slightest hint of her whatsoever. He even threw her curtains out of the house before I got there

Sometimes people are just in complicated situations and it's up to you whether or not you find it worth bothering with and worth the emotional risk lol.

Tell the married women looking for strange to go deal with their sheit and call you when they are single lol.

I never mess with another man's lady. Thats against the rules.

I guess Im just gonna have to ask these ladies and see what happens lol. And simply apologize if they are already taken. Already had to do that a few times lol. They seemed like it was ok, since I didnt know.

One time I unknowingly hooked up with a married chick. She was a traveling nurse, they get paid to fly to other cities to fill nursing shortages at hospitals and get a free hotel room paid by their employer, I didn't know she was married until after the deed was done. After finding out I excused myself and left throwing away her number in the hallway as I left.

 

[Seamajor]

I bet they both scored Big

 

[Biggie Smiles]

I am 85 percent convinced that Bigs demonic second ex wife tried to put some sort of voodoo hex on me. And no I'm not joking. I actually suspect this lol.

His first one I got along with pretty well.

Do you remember all the face book drama and my Ex Mills?

I've convinced she made about 60% of that shit up

 

[Blazor]

Girls shitting….oh goody gumdrops!

Are you already opening your mouth?

Eeeeeeew. Did you open yours for a bit of turd?

You want it in there with the peepee? Or just plopped in there like "gumdrops" lol.

 

[Breakfall]

Girls shitting….oh goody gumdrops!

Are you already opening your mouth?

Eeeeeeew. Did you open yours for a bit of turd?

You want it in there with the peepee? Or just plopped in there like "gumdrops" lol.

I said did you open your mouth for a bit of turd you idiot?

 

[Biggie Smiles]

bastard factory, do you think you could do us all a favor and dismiss the content speedbumb also known as seamajor from this thread?

He's like a fucking pothole to the flow of a good conversation

seriously

 

[Frood]

Girls shitting….oh goody gumdrops!

Are you already opening your mouth?

Eeeeeeew. Did you open yours for a bit of turd?

You want it in there with the peepee? Or just plopped in there like "gumdrops" lol.

But Gallium needs to go to bed!

It's 6:23 am on a work day! Lulz

 

[Blazor]

Girls shitting….oh goody gumdrops!

Are you already opening your mouth?

Eeeeeeew. Did you open yours for a bit of turd?

You want it in there with the peepee? Or just plopped in there like "gumdrops" lol.

I said did you open your mouth for a bit of turd you idiot?

Oh, not me, Im not into that kind of thing.

Do you like the kind with peanuts in them, or corn?

Does the poo affect your allergies, or is the meat all gone out the log?

 

[Breakfall]

Girls shitting….oh goody gumdrops!

Are you already opening your mouth?

Eeeeeeew. Did you open yours for a bit of turd?

You want it in there with the peepee? Or just plopped in there like "gumdrops" lol.

But Gallium needs to go to bed!

It's 6:23 am on a work day! Lulz

Oh look….more repetition troll!

 

[Biggie Smiles]

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I think I just made that one up too

 

[Biggie Smiles]

Girls shitting….oh goody gumdrops!

Are you already opening your mouth?

Eeeeeeew. Did you open yours for a bit of turd?

You want it in there with the peepee? Or just plopped in there like "gumdrops" lol.

I said did you open your mouth for a bit of turd you idiot?

Now this, friends, is what you could call quality content

unlike any of that pesky current events shit that effect every day people with a bit of comedy thrown in for giggles.

 

[Breakfall]

Girls shitting….oh goody gumdrops!

Are you already opening your mouth?

Eeeeeeew. Did you open yours for a bit of turd?

You want it in there with the peepee? Or just plopped in there like "gumdrops" lol.

I said did you open your mouth for a bit of turd you idiot?

Oh, not me, Im not into that kind of thing.

Do you like the kind with peanuts in them, or corn?

Does the poo affect your allergies, or is the meat all gone out the log?

Dafuq?

 

[Frood]

and in the spirit of a little shameless advertisement

Rate the best diet pill of 2022

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bastardfactory.net

a friend in need is a call to action we should heed

I think I just made that one up too

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A friend with slop breasts and dressed in pleather...

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