Murdock's home renovations...DIY awesomeness

[Murdy]

Bonus if you walk out of the bathroom talking about what you ate the night before.

If he joins in the convo .....he is a winner.

Oh, I prolly would've been the one to bring it up first, like "dayum girl, what you eat!?" lolol

I have the most horrific fart story…

So we were having a disagreement a few days ago about how to start the kitchen. He is stubborn and I’m persistent AF with my opinions. You literally have to prove me wrong or I’m not budging, so I’m a royal pain in the ass sometimes. So, we made a pact to always preserve “the bubble” (the safe, squishy place where love remains). So, he decides to lessen the mood with a joke at my experience of course, which made me laugh because he knows me too well… and a fart slipped out. But I couldn’t stop laughing and then another fart slipped out… and another… and another until finally the finale blast erupted. He was like “gawd damn woman!!! do you need a fucking diaper!??”

And then I laughed so hard I peed my pants on the kitchen floor.

has he ever given you a dutch oven?

Not yet. He treats me like a princess even though there are beast horns under this crown. I think he knows I’ll be BIG mad. He can pin me down and I can’t even budge. First boyfriend I’ve had that I can’t kick his ass.

 

[Murdy]

Bonus if you walk out of the bathroom talking about what you ate the night before.

If he joins in the convo .....he is a winner.

Oh, I prolly would've been the one to bring it up first, like "dayum girl, what you eat!?" lolol

I have the most horrific fart story…

So we were having a disagreement a few days ago about how to start the kitchen. He is stubborn and I’m persistent AF with my opinions. You literally have to prove me wrong or I’m not budging, so I’m a royal pain in the ass sometimes. So, we made a pact to always preserve “the bubble” (the safe, squishy place where love remains). So, he decides to lessen the mood with a joke at my experience of course, which made me laugh because he knows me too well… and a fart slipped out. But I couldn’t stop laughing and then another fart slipped out… and another… and another until finally the finale blast erupted. He was like “gawd damn woman!!! do you need a fucking diaper!??”

And then I laughed so hard I peed my pants on the kitchen floor.

What the hell are you eating? lol

He made a pot of pinto beans and they were BOMB lol

 

[Biggie Smiles]

We have a no cheat rule too.

Isn't that like, automatically implied when you first commit?

I really can't think of a scenario where we're breaking out the post it notes and making sure we remind each other of that and there being a positive outcome.

no?

Probably a CA thing lol

lol... I can't

stop.

hahahahahahahahahaha

does the list get any longer tho?


Like.... can we agree to a no murder, decapitation and bodily harm rule too?

I can't

dead

 

[Biggie Smiles]

Bonus if you walk out of the bathroom talking about what you ate the night before.

If he joins in the convo .....he is a winner.

Oh, I prolly would've been the one to bring it up first, like "dayum girl, what you eat!?" lolol

I have the most horrific fart story…

So we were having a disagreement a few days ago about how to start the kitchen. He is stubborn and I’m persistent AF with my opinions. You literally have to prove me wrong or I’m not budging, so I’m a royal pain in the ass sometimes. So, we made a pact to always preserve “the bubble” (the safe, squishy place where love remains). So, he decides to lessen the mood with a joke at my experience of course, which made me laugh because he knows me too well… and a fart slipped out. But I couldn’t stop laughing and then another fart slipped out… and another… and another until finally the finale blast erupted. He was like “gawd damn woman!!! do you need a fucking diaper!??”

And then I laughed so hard I peed my pants on the kitchen floor.

has he ever given you a dutch oven?

Not yet. He treats me like a princess even though there are beast horns under this crown. I think he knows I’ll be BIG mad. He can pin me down and I can’t even budge. First boyfriend I’ve had that I can’t kick his ass.

A man doesn't truly love you until he's given you a quality dutch oven

sayin

 

[Blazor]

Bonus if you walk out of the bathroom talking about what you ate the night before.

If he joins in the convo .....he is a winner.

Oh, I prolly would've been the one to bring it up first, like "dayum girl, what you eat!?" lolol

I have the most horrific fart story…

So we were having a disagreement a few days ago about how to start the kitchen. He is stubborn and I’m persistent AF with my opinions. You literally have to prove me wrong or I’m not budging, so I’m a royal pain in the ass sometimes. So, we made a pact to always preserve “the bubble” (the safe, squishy place where love remains). So, he decides to lessen the mood with a joke at my experience of course, which made me laugh because he knows me too well… and a fart slipped out. But I couldn’t stop laughing and then another fart slipped out… and another… and another until finally the finale blast erupted. He was like “gawd damn woman!!! do you need a fucking diaper!??”

And then I laughed so hard I peed my pants on the kitchen floor.

Also, I have a lady friend, she aint single though. She peed the floor at her mom's not long ago from laughing so hard lol. She was embarrassed lol "oh no" lol.

 

[Murdy]

We have a no cheat rule too.

Isn't that like, automatically implied when you first commit?

I really can't think of a scenario where we're breaking out the post it notes and making sure we remind each other of that and there being a positive outcome.

no?

Probably a CA thing lol

We were both cheated on during our marriages and traumatized by divorce.

I think it’s healthy to discuss past trauma with the man who is your confidant and protector. But I also needed to understand his past trauma, which is worse than mine surprisingly.

 

[Lily]

I know you're right!!!!

At the club the other week, there was a cute gal, I thought she was a lesbian lol. This goofy fucker started grinding on her, next thing ya know he had her number. I was like "wtf?" lol.

My problem, is I assume most aint single. Which, 95% of the time they aint.

These days I pick girls at the club

Girls in swimsuits, can't get more natural than that

No wonder bras, no makeup, under the sun, wet hair. If they look good that way, well...

I clean up way too well so my strategy is always messy buns, no make up and sweat pants/yoga pants.

Make them like that as the standard first lol. Then they appreciate the effort more :D

ALWAYS take a shit at a mans house to test how serious he really is.

Lololol wtf!

Shit test!? lololol

Oh you’ve never endure it?

I go the opposite route and pretend I don’t have a butthole until we are 6 months in. Then they are all excited the first time you fart lol

Hahahahaha.

I mean, I've had gals shit at my house lol, but not like a test lol.

Everything is a test from the moment you start talking to a woman….

For instance: my best friend since 1991 has been a single mom with a deadbeat ex for the past 14 years. She has been alone and sexless for 12 of those years because she didn’t want anyone around her daughter. She texted me one day and we were both ROFLMAO because she took off her overalls and saw a moth flying around the bathroom while she was peeing and insinuated it flew out of her no~no. I told her she better get back on the horse before it dries up and falls off. I’m pretty sure her hymen grew back during that 10+ years…

But she was casually dating a guy she was into, and made the mistake of treating it like it was serious. When he was good, he got the full done her with cleavage, mermaid hair and lipgloss. When he wasn’t acting right, he got the fuck you bun and sweats.

A woman is going to get attached sexually regardless of how casual either of you think it is. So just keep that in mind.

I live by one rule in dating…. once you start having sex, it’s time to clear the bench. I don’t do the double dip or married.

Hahahaha, the moth!!!!

Oh I know there are tests!

Yeah, I dont believe in cheating either, one of my biggest rules! In fact, my only rules are 1) dont lie to me, 2) dont fuck me over, and 3) dont cheat on me! First 2 rules apply to my friends, the 3rd rule is added for the lady.

I know you got a good man now, and I aint flirting.... but I still would've liked to of met you for coffee when you asked me when you was in Seattle. I think we would've laughed our butts off just talking lol.

We have a no cheat rule too. I’m like do not stick any part of you in anyone else and we will be fine.

But we both wanted to be married and talked a lot about our needs from this relationship from the beginning. He is a great communicator and that’s much needed for a chronic over thinker.

We do the daily/weekly check in of:

How are you?

How are we?

What do you need?

It is amazing at how simple and effective it is.

My guy is not the best of communicators. When I have things to talk to him about "us", he's always surprised.

He's always fine and we're always fine in his mind. He finally told me clearly that he knew what he was getting into when we got together. He recognizes my flaws and yet said "Your moral center, your nobility in the face of adversity and your authentic love and loyalty for those that matter to you are impeccable. That outweighs any negatives."

 

[Blazor]

I know you're right!!!!

At the club the other week, there was a cute gal, I thought she was a lesbian lol. This goofy fucker started grinding on her, next thing ya know he had her number. I was like "wtf?" lol.

My problem, is I assume most aint single. Which, 95% of the time they aint.

These days I pick girls at the club

Girls in swimsuits, can't get more natural than that

No wonder bras, no makeup, under the sun, wet hair. If they look good that way, well...

I clean up way too well so my strategy is always messy buns, no make up and sweat pants/yoga pants.

Make them like that as the standard first lol. Then they appreciate the effort more :D

ALWAYS take a shit at a mans house to test how serious he really is.

Lololol wtf!

Shit test!? lololol

Oh you’ve never endure it?

I go the opposite route and pretend I don’t have a butthole until we are 6 months in. Then they are all excited the first time you fart lol

Hahahahaha.

I mean, I've had gals shit at my house lol, but not like a test lol.

Everything is a test from the moment you start talking to a woman….

For instance: my best friend since 1991 has been a single mom with a deadbeat ex for the past 14 years. She has been alone and sexless for 12 of those years because she didn’t want anyone around her daughter. She texted me one day and we were both ROFLMAO because she took off her overalls and saw a moth flying around the bathroom while she was peeing and insinuated it flew out of her no~no. I told her she better get back on the horse before it dries up and falls off. I’m pretty sure her hymen grew back during that 10+ years…

But she was casually dating a guy she was into, and made the mistake of treating it like it was serious. When he was good, he got the full done her with cleavage, mermaid hair and lipgloss. When he wasn’t acting right, he got the fuck you bun and sweats.

A woman is going to get attached sexually regardless of how casual either of you think it is. So just keep that in mind.

I live by one rule in dating…. once you start having sex, it’s time to clear the bench. I don’t do the double dip or married.

Hahahaha, the moth!!!!

Oh I know there are tests!

Yeah, I dont believe in cheating either, one of my biggest rules! In fact, my only rules are 1) dont lie to me, 2) dont fuck me over, and 3) dont cheat on me! First 2 rules apply to my friends, the 3rd rule is added for the lady.

I know you got a good man now, and I aint flirting.... but I still would've liked to of met you for coffee when you asked me when you was in Seattle. I think we would've laughed our butts off just talking lol.

Cheating is the worst, but each couple handles it in their own way.

I cant stand cheaters.

My wife cheated near the end. Then karma gave her cancer.

I didnt want our son to miss out on his mom at the time, so I slept on my side of the bed, and had nothing to do with her. Either she lived, and we got a divorce, or she died.... which is what happened.

 

[Dove]

We have a no cheat rule too.

Isn't that like, automatically implied when you first commit?

I really can't think of a scenario where we're breaking out the post it notes and making sure we remind each other of that and there being a positive outcome.

no?

Probably a CA thing lol

lol... I can't

stop.

hahahahahahahahahaha

does the list get any longer tho?


Like.... can we agree to a no murder, decapitation and bodily harm rule too?

I can't

dead

That's gotta be where people are going wrong.

Your partner of 20 years having an affair just didnt know any better. You should have cleared that up after a few dates and let them know that wasnt gonna be allowed lol.

Also add in the whole "dont do crack, dont molest the children in my family, dont beat me" list of all the stuff typically thought of as common sense in less blue regions lol.

 

[Murdy]

I know you're right!!!!

At the club the other week, there was a cute gal, I thought she was a lesbian lol. This goofy fucker started grinding on her, next thing ya know he had her number. I was like "wtf?" lol.

My problem, is I assume most aint single. Which, 95% of the time they aint.

These days I pick girls at the club

Girls in swimsuits, can't get more natural than that

No wonder bras, no makeup, under the sun, wet hair. If they look good that way, well...

I clean up way too well so my strategy is always messy buns, no make up and sweat pants/yoga pants.

Make them like that as the standard first lol. Then they appreciate the effort more :D

ALWAYS take a shit at a mans house to test how serious he really is.

Lololol wtf!

Shit test!? lololol

Oh you’ve never endure it?

I go the opposite route and pretend I don’t have a butthole until we are 6 months in. Then they are all excited the first time you fart lol

Hahahahaha.

I mean, I've had gals shit at my house lol, but not like a test lol.

Everything is a test from the moment you start talking to a woman….

For instance: my best friend since 1991 has been a single mom with a deadbeat ex for the past 14 years. She has been alone and sexless for 12 of those years because she didn’t want anyone around her daughter. She texted me one day and we were both ROFLMAO because she took off her overalls and saw a moth flying around the bathroom while she was peeing and insinuated it flew out of her no~no. I told her she better get back on the horse before it dries up and falls off. I’m pretty sure her hymen grew back during that 10+ years…

But she was casually dating a guy she was into, and made the mistake of treating it like it was serious. When he was good, he got the full done her with cleavage, mermaid hair and lipgloss. When he wasn’t acting right, he got the fuck you bun and sweats.

A woman is going to get attached sexually regardless of how casual either of you think it is. So just keep that in mind.

I live by one rule in dating…. once you start having sex, it’s time to clear the bench. I don’t do the double dip or married.

Hahahaha, the moth!!!!

Oh I know there are tests!

Yeah, I dont believe in cheating either, one of my biggest rules! In fact, my only rules are 1) dont lie to me, 2) dont fuck me over, and 3) dont cheat on me! First 2 rules apply to my friends, the 3rd rule is added for the lady.

I know you got a good man now, and I aint flirting.... but I still would've liked to of met you for coffee when you asked me when you was in Seattle. I think we would've laughed our butts off just talking lol.

We have a no cheat rule too. I’m like do not stick any part of you in anyone else and we will be fine.

But we both wanted to be married and talked a lot about our needs from this relationship from the beginning. He is a great communicator and that’s much needed for a chronic over thinker.

We do the daily/weekly check in of:

How are you?

How are we?

What do you need?

It is amazing at how simple and effective it is.

My guy is not the best of communicators. When I have things to talk to him about "us", he's always surprised.

He's always fine and we're always fine in his mind. He finally told me clearly that he knew what he was getting into when we got together. He recognizes my flaws and yet said "Your moral center, your nobility in the face of adversity and your authentic love and loyalty for those that matter to you are impeccable. That outweighs any negatives."

I feel it. Every couple is unique. You gotta do what works for YOU.

 

[Blazor]

Bonus if you walk out of the bathroom talking about what you ate the night before.

If he joins in the convo .....he is a winner.

Oh, I prolly would've been the one to bring it up first, like "dayum girl, what you eat!?" lolol

I have the most horrific fart story…

So we were having a disagreement a few days ago about how to start the kitchen. He is stubborn and I’m persistent AF with my opinions. You literally have to prove me wrong or I’m not budging, so I’m a royal pain in the ass sometimes. So, we made a pact to always preserve “the bubble” (the safe, squishy place where love remains). So, he decides to lessen the mood with a joke at my experience of course, which made me laugh because he knows me too well… and a fart slipped out. But I couldn’t stop laughing and then another fart slipped out… and another… and another until finally the finale blast erupted. He was like “gawd damn woman!!! do you need a fucking diaper!??”

And then I laughed so hard I peed my pants on the kitchen floor.

Righto….

Oh, a girl talking about peeing, and look who shows. You thirsty man?

 

[Dove]

I know you're right!!!!

At the club the other week, there was a cute gal, I thought she was a lesbian lol. This goofy fucker started grinding on her, next thing ya know he had her number. I was like "wtf?" lol.

My problem, is I assume most aint single. Which, 95% of the time they aint.

These days I pick girls at the club

Girls in swimsuits, can't get more natural than that

No wonder bras, no makeup, under the sun, wet hair. If they look good that way, well...

I clean up way too well so my strategy is always messy buns, no make up and sweat pants/yoga pants.

Make them like that as the standard first lol. Then they appreciate the effort more :D

ALWAYS take a shit at a mans house to test how serious he really is.

Lololol wtf!

Shit test!? lololol

Oh you’ve never endure it?

I go the opposite route and pretend I don’t have a butthole until we are 6 months in. Then they are all excited the first time you fart lol

Hahahahaha.

I mean, I've had gals shit at my house lol, but not like a test lol.

Everything is a test from the moment you start talking to a woman….

For instance: my best friend since 1991 has been a single mom with a deadbeat ex for the past 14 years. She has been alone and sexless for 12 of those years because she didn’t want anyone around her daughter. She texted me one day and we were both ROFLMAO because she took off her overalls and saw a moth flying around the bathroom while she was peeing and insinuated it flew out of her no~no. I told her she better get back on the horse before it dries up and falls off. I’m pretty sure her hymen grew back during that 10+ years…

But she was casually dating a guy she was into, and made the mistake of treating it like it was serious. When he was good, he got the full done her with cleavage, mermaid hair and lipgloss. When he wasn’t acting right, he got the fuck you bun and sweats.

A woman is going to get attached sexually regardless of how casual either of you think it is. So just keep that in mind.

I live by one rule in dating…. once you start having sex, it’s time to clear the bench. I don’t do the double dip or married.

Hahahaha, the moth!!!!

Oh I know there are tests!

Yeah, I dont believe in cheating either, one of my biggest rules! In fact, my only rules are 1) dont lie to me, 2) dont fuck me over, and 3) dont cheat on me! First 2 rules apply to my friends, the 3rd rule is added for the lady.

I know you got a good man now, and I aint flirting.... but I still would've liked to of met you for coffee when you asked me when you was in Seattle. I think we would've laughed our butts off just talking lol.

Cheating is the worst, but each couple handles it in their own way.

I cant stand cheaters.

My wife cheated near the end. Then karma gave her cancer.

I didnt want our son to miss out on his mom at the time, so I slept on my side of the bed, and had nothing to do with her. Either she lived, and we got a divorce, or she died.... which is what happened.

Did you not make sure she understood this no cheating rule early in the relationship?

 

[Murdy]

Bonus if you walk out of the bathroom talking about what you ate the night before.

If he joins in the convo .....he is a winner.

Oh, I prolly would've been the one to bring it up first, like "dayum girl, what you eat!?" lolol

I have the most horrific fart story…

So we were having a disagreement a few days ago about how to start the kitchen. He is stubborn and I’m persistent AF with my opinions. You literally have to prove me wrong or I’m not budging, so I’m a royal pain in the ass sometimes. So, we made a pact to always preserve “the bubble” (the safe, squishy place where love remains). So, he decides to lessen the mood with a joke at my experience of course, which made me laugh because he knows me too well… and a fart slipped out. But I couldn’t stop laughing and then another fart slipped out… and another… and another until finally the finale blast erupted. He was like “gawd damn woman!!! do you need a fucking diaper!??”

And then I laughed so hard I peed my pants on the kitchen floor.

has he ever given you a dutch oven?

Not yet. He treats me like a princess even though there are beast horns under this crown. I think he knows I’ll be BIG mad. He can pin me down and I can’t even budge. First boyfriend I’ve had that I can’t kick his ass.

A man doesn't truly love you until he's given you a quality dutch oven

sayin

I agree.

 

[Dove]

Bonus if you walk out of the bathroom talking about what you ate the night before.

If he joins in the convo .....he is a winner.

Oh, I prolly would've been the one to bring it up first, like "dayum girl, what you eat!?" lolol

I have the most horrific fart story…

So we were having a disagreement a few days ago about how to start the kitchen. He is stubborn and I’m persistent AF with my opinions. You literally have to prove me wrong or I’m not budging, so I’m a royal pain in the ass sometimes. So, we made a pact to always preserve “the bubble” (the safe, squishy place where love remains). So, he decides to lessen the mood with a joke at my experience of course, which made me laugh because he knows me too well… and a fart slipped out. But I couldn’t stop laughing and then another fart slipped out… and another… and another until finally the finale blast erupted. He was like “gawd damn woman!!! do you need a fucking diaper!??”

And then I laughed so hard I peed my pants on the kitchen floor.

Also, I have a lady friend, she aint single though. She peed the floor at her mom's not long ago from laughing so hard lol. She was embarrassed lol "oh no" lol.

Well I'm approaching 42 and have birthed 4 children and regardless of all the kegels and maintenance.....I had a really viscious chest cold that turned into bronchitis last week and I cant tell you how many times I coughed so hard I actually peed.

It was horrifying. Absolutely horrifying.

 

[Blazor]

Bonus if you walk out of the bathroom talking about what you ate the night before.

If he joins in the convo .....he is a winner.

Oh, I prolly would've been the one to bring it up first, like "dayum girl, what you eat!?" lolol

I have the most horrific fart story…

So we were having a disagreement a few days ago about how to start the kitchen. He is stubborn and I’m persistent AF with my opinions. You literally have to prove me wrong or I’m not budging, so I’m a royal pain in the ass sometimes. So, we made a pact to always preserve “the bubble” (the safe, squishy place where love remains). So, he decides to lessen the mood with a joke at my experience of course, which made me laugh because he knows me too well… and a fart slipped out. But I couldn’t stop laughing and then another fart slipped out… and another… and another until finally the finale blast erupted. He was like “gawd damn woman!!! do you need a fucking diaper!??”

And then I laughed so hard I peed my pants on the kitchen floor.

What the hell are you eating? lol

He made a pot of pinto beans and they were BOMB lol

Lol that'll do it!

My lil brother hated beans til I made him some. I save the ham bone, with meat on it, and spend 2-3 days making them beans. Between soaking them and slow cooking them.

 

[Breakfall]

Bonus if you walk out of the bathroom talking about what you ate the night before.

If he joins in the convo .....he is a winner.

Oh, I prolly would've been the one to bring it up first, like "dayum girl, what you eat!?" lolol

I have the most horrific fart story…

So we were having a disagreement a few days ago about how to start the kitchen. He is stubborn and I’m persistent AF with my opinions. You literally have to prove me wrong or I’m not budging, so I’m a royal pain in the ass sometimes. So, we made a pact to always preserve “the bubble” (the safe, squishy place where love remains). So, he decides to lessen the mood with a joke at my experience of course, which made me laugh because he knows me too well… and a fart slipped out. But I couldn’t stop laughing and then another fart slipped out… and another… and another until finally the finale blast erupted. He was like “gawd damn woman!!! do you need a fucking diaper!??”

And then I laughed so hard I peed my pants on the kitchen floor.

Righto….

Oh, a girl talking about peeing, and look who shows. You thirsty man?

No I’m not thirsty man…are you? You seem to enjoy golden showers and turd burgers?

 

[Blazor]

I know you're right!!!!

At the club the other week, there was a cute gal, I thought she was a lesbian lol. This goofy fucker started grinding on her, next thing ya know he had her number. I was like "wtf?" lol.

My problem, is I assume most aint single. Which, 95% of the time they aint.

These days I pick girls at the club

Girls in swimsuits, can't get more natural than that

No wonder bras, no makeup, under the sun, wet hair. If they look good that way, well...

I clean up way too well so my strategy is always messy buns, no make up and sweat pants/yoga pants.

Make them like that as the standard first lol. Then they appreciate the effort more :D

ALWAYS take a shit at a mans house to test how serious he really is.

Lololol wtf!

Shit test!? lololol

Oh you’ve never endure it?

I go the opposite route and pretend I don’t have a butthole until we are 6 months in. Then they are all excited the first time you fart lol

Hahahahaha.

I mean, I've had gals shit at my house lol, but not like a test lol.

Everything is a test from the moment you start talking to a woman….

For instance: my best friend since 1991 has been a single mom with a deadbeat ex for the past 14 years. She has been alone and sexless for 12 of those years because she didn’t want anyone around her daughter. She texted me one day and we were both ROFLMAO because she took off her overalls and saw a moth flying around the bathroom while she was peeing and insinuated it flew out of her no~no. I told her she better get back on the horse before it dries up and falls off. I’m pretty sure her hymen grew back during that 10+ years…

But she was casually dating a guy she was into, and made the mistake of treating it like it was serious. When he was good, he got the full done her with cleavage, mermaid hair and lipgloss. When he wasn’t acting right, he got the fuck you bun and sweats.

A woman is going to get attached sexually regardless of how casual either of you think it is. So just keep that in mind.

I live by one rule in dating…. once you start having sex, it’s time to clear the bench. I don’t do the double dip or married.

Hahahaha, the moth!!!!

Oh I know there are tests!

Yeah, I dont believe in cheating either, one of my biggest rules! In fact, my only rules are 1) dont lie to me, 2) dont fuck me over, and 3) dont cheat on me! First 2 rules apply to my friends, the 3rd rule is added for the lady.

I know you got a good man now, and I aint flirting.... but I still would've liked to of met you for coffee when you asked me when you was in Seattle. I think we would've laughed our butts off just talking lol.

Cheating is the worst, but each couple handles it in their own way.

I cant stand cheaters.

My wife cheated near the end. Then karma gave her cancer.

I didnt want our son to miss out on his mom at the time, so I slept on my side of the bed, and had nothing to do with her. Either she lived, and we got a divorce, or she died.... which is what happened.

Did you not make sure she understood this no cheating rule early in the relationship?

Yeah!

We met when I was 16 (she 15). I was the virgin, she wasnt lol. I started working out of town, but I was only gone during the day. She had shit friends. They were cheaters and lived in the neighborhood. Its a LONG story, but one of the cheaters guy friends made a move on her, and thats how it started. Fucking pieces of shit.

We almost made it 20 years.

 

[Blazor]

Bonus if you walk out of the bathroom talking about what you ate the night before.

If he joins in the convo .....he is a winner.

Oh, I prolly would've been the one to bring it up first, like "dayum girl, what you eat!?" lolol

I have the most horrific fart story…

So we were having a disagreement a few days ago about how to start the kitchen. He is stubborn and I’m persistent AF with my opinions. You literally have to prove me wrong or I’m not budging, so I’m a royal pain in the ass sometimes. So, we made a pact to always preserve “the bubble” (the safe, squishy place where love remains). So, he decides to lessen the mood with a joke at my experience of course, which made me laugh because he knows me too well… and a fart slipped out. But I couldn’t stop laughing and then another fart slipped out… and another… and another until finally the finale blast erupted. He was like “gawd damn woman!!! do you need a fucking diaper!??”

And then I laughed so hard I peed my pants on the kitchen floor.

Also, I have a lady friend, she aint single though. She peed the floor at her mom's not long ago from laughing so hard lol. She was embarrassed lol "oh no" lol.

Well I'm approaching 42 and have birthed 4 children and regardless of all the kegels and maintenance.....I had a really viscious chest cold that turned into bronchitis last week and I cant tell you how many times I coughed so hard I actually peed.

It was horrifying. Absolutely horrifying.

Oh dang!!!! lol

I hope your guy got you one of them Puppy Pads to sit on lol.

 

[Blazor]

Bonus if you walk out of the bathroom talking about what you ate the night before.

If he joins in the convo .....he is a winner.

Oh, I prolly would've been the one to bring it up first, like "dayum girl, what you eat!?" lolol

I have the most horrific fart story…

So we were having a disagreement a few days ago about how to start the kitchen. He is stubborn and I’m persistent AF with my opinions. You literally have to prove me wrong or I’m not budging, so I’m a royal pain in the ass sometimes. So, we made a pact to always preserve “the bubble” (the safe, squishy place where love remains). So, he decides to lessen the mood with a joke at my experience of course, which made me laugh because he knows me too well… and a fart slipped out. But I couldn’t stop laughing and then another fart slipped out… and another… and another until finally the finale blast erupted. He was like “gawd damn woman!!! do you need a fucking diaper!??”

And then I laughed so hard I peed my pants on the kitchen floor.

Righto….

Oh, a girl talking about peeing, and look who shows. You thirsty man?

No I’m not thirsty man…are you? You seem to enjoy golden showers and turd burgers?

Oh Im thirsty alright

But no, I dont let women piss in my mouth, Gallonofpissyum lol.

 

[Breakfall]

Bonus if you walk out of the bathroom talking about what you ate the night before.

If he joins in the convo .....he is a winner.

Oh, I prolly would've been the one to bring it up first, like "dayum girl, what you eat!?" lolol

I have the most horrific fart story…

So we were having a disagreement a few days ago about how to start the kitchen. He is stubborn and I’m persistent AF with my opinions. You literally have to prove me wrong or I’m not budging, so I’m a royal pain in the ass sometimes. So, we made a pact to always preserve “the bubble” (the safe, squishy place where love remains). So, he decides to lessen the mood with a joke at my experience of course, which made me laugh because he knows me too well… and a fart slipped out. But I couldn’t stop laughing and then another fart slipped out… and another… and another until finally the finale blast erupted. He was like “gawd damn woman!!! do you need a fucking diaper!??”

And then I laughed so hard I peed my pants on the kitchen floor.

Also, I have a lady friend, she aint single though. She peed the floor at her mom's not long ago from laughing so hard lol. She was embarrassed lol "oh no" lol.

Well I'm approaching 42 and have birthed 4 children and regardless of all the kegels and maintenance.....I had a really viscious chest cold that turned into bronchitis last week and I cant tell you how many times I coughed so hard I actually peed.

It was horrifying. Absolutely horrifying.

Oh dang!!!! lol

I hope your guy got you one of them Puppy Pads to sit on lol.

What are you on about? Are you drinking the fire-water?

 

[Lily]

I know you're right!!!!

At the club the other week, there was a cute gal, I thought she was a lesbian lol. This goofy fucker started grinding on her, next thing ya know he had her number. I was like "wtf?" lol.

My problem, is I assume most aint single. Which, 95% of the time they aint.

These days I pick girls at the club

Girls in swimsuits, can't get more natural than that

No wonder bras, no makeup, under the sun, wet hair. If they look good that way, well...

I clean up way too well so my strategy is always messy buns, no make up and sweat pants/yoga pants.

Make them like that as the standard first lol. Then they appreciate the effort more :D

ALWAYS take a shit at a mans house to test how serious he really is.

Lololol wtf!

Shit test!? lololol

Oh you’ve never endure it?

I go the opposite route and pretend I don’t have a butthole until we are 6 months in. Then they are all excited the first time you fart lol

Hahahahaha.

I mean, I've had gals shit at my house lol, but not like a test lol.

Everything is a test from the moment you start talking to a woman….

For instance: my best friend since 1991 has been a single mom with a deadbeat ex for the past 14 years. She has been alone and sexless for 12 of those years because she didn’t want anyone around her daughter. She texted me one day and we were both ROFLMAO because she took off her overalls and saw a moth flying around the bathroom while she was peeing and insinuated it flew out of her no~no. I told her she better get back on the horse before it dries up and falls off. I’m pretty sure her hymen grew back during that 10+ years…

But she was casually dating a guy she was into, and made the mistake of treating it like it was serious. When he was good, he got the full done her with cleavage, mermaid hair and lipgloss. When he wasn’t acting right, he got the fuck you bun and sweats.

A woman is going to get attached sexually regardless of how casual either of you think it is. So just keep that in mind.

I live by one rule in dating…. once you start having sex, it’s time to clear the bench. I don’t do the double dip or married.

Hahahaha, the moth!!!!

Oh I know there are tests!

Yeah, I dont believe in cheating either, one of my biggest rules! In fact, my only rules are 1) dont lie to me, 2) dont fuck me over, and 3) dont cheat on me! First 2 rules apply to my friends, the 3rd rule is added for the lady.

I know you got a good man now, and I aint flirting.... but I still would've liked to of met you for coffee when you asked me when you was in Seattle. I think we would've laughed our butts off just talking lol.

We have a no cheat rule too. I’m like do not stick any part of you in anyone else and we will be fine.

But we both wanted to be married and talked a lot about our needs from this relationship from the beginning. He is a great communicator and that’s much needed for a chronic over thinker.

We do the daily/weekly check in of:

How are you?

How are we?

What do you need?

It is amazing at how simple and effective it is.

My guy is not the best of communicators. When I have things to talk to him about "us", he's always surprised.

He's always fine and we're always fine in his mind. He finally told me clearly that he knew what he was getting into when we got together. He recognizes my flaws and yet said "Your moral center, your nobility in the face of adversity and your authentic love and loyalty for those that matter to you are impeccable. That outweighs any negatives."

I feel it. Every couple is unique. You gotta do what works for YOU.

I agree. It's good that you two have a system that works for you. Ours works fine whatever you want to call it. When he has an actual concern about something he lets me know.

We have some fierce ass debates about our politics though. Then we switch back to normal. Before we moved in together, we'd argued about something or other that was making headlines. The roommate asked how do you make it with these fierce debates?

I was a wise-ass and I said "It's foreplay." He laughed hard. I chuckled and she was "Oh"and turned pink, her bf also chuckled.

My guy finally said "We're passionate people, but we're expressing ideas. I don't agree with some of her ideas, but I don't take that personally."

 

[Breakfall]

Bonus if you walk out of the bathroom talking about what you ate the night before.

If he joins in the convo .....he is a winner.

Oh, I prolly would've been the one to bring it up first, like "dayum girl, what you eat!?" lolol

I have the most horrific fart story…

So we were having a disagreement a few days ago about how to start the kitchen. He is stubborn and I’m persistent AF with my opinions. You literally have to prove me wrong or I’m not budging, so I’m a royal pain in the ass sometimes. So, we made a pact to always preserve “the bubble” (the safe, squishy place where love remains). So, he decides to lessen the mood with a joke at my experience of course, which made me laugh because he knows me too well… and a fart slipped out. But I couldn’t stop laughing and then another fart slipped out… and another… and another until finally the finale blast erupted. He was like “gawd damn woman!!! do you need a fucking diaper!??”

And then I laughed so hard I peed my pants on the kitchen floor.

Righto….

Oh, a girl talking about peeing, and look who shows. You thirsty man?

No I’m not thirsty man…are you? You seem to enjoy golden showers and turd burgers?

Oh Im thirsty alright

But no, I dont let women piss in my mouth, Gallonofpissyum lol.

I think you do! Be honest now.

 

[Blazor]

Bonus if you walk out of the bathroom talking about what you ate the night before.

If he joins in the convo .....he is a winner.

Oh, I prolly would've been the one to bring it up first, like "dayum girl, what you eat!?" lolol

I have the most horrific fart story…

So we were having a disagreement a few days ago about how to start the kitchen. He is stubborn and I’m persistent AF with my opinions. You literally have to prove me wrong or I’m not budging, so I’m a royal pain in the ass sometimes. So, we made a pact to always preserve “the bubble” (the safe, squishy place where love remains). So, he decides to lessen the mood with a joke at my experience of course, which made me laugh because he knows me too well… and a fart slipped out. But I couldn’t stop laughing and then another fart slipped out… and another… and another until finally the finale blast erupted. He was like “gawd damn woman!!! do you need a fucking diaper!??”

And then I laughed so hard I peed my pants on the kitchen floor.

Also, I have a lady friend, she aint single though. She peed the floor at her mom's not long ago from laughing so hard lol. She was embarrassed lol "oh no" lol.

Well I'm approaching 42 and have birthed 4 children and regardless of all the kegels and maintenance.....I had a really viscious chest cold that turned into bronchitis last week and I cant tell you how many times I coughed so hard I actually peed.

It was horrifying. Absolutely horrifying.

Oh dang!!!! lol

I hope your guy got you one of them Puppy Pads to sit on lol.

What are you on about? Are you drinking the fire-water?

Lol not yet! You gonna be awake when I get home? lolol

 

[Blazor]

Bonus if you walk out of the bathroom talking about what you ate the night before.

If he joins in the convo .....he is a winner.

Oh, I prolly would've been the one to bring it up first, like "dayum girl, what you eat!?" lolol

I have the most horrific fart story…

So we were having a disagreement a few days ago about how to start the kitchen. He is stubborn and I’m persistent AF with my opinions. You literally have to prove me wrong or I’m not budging, so I’m a royal pain in the ass sometimes. So, we made a pact to always preserve “the bubble” (the safe, squishy place where love remains). So, he decides to lessen the mood with a joke at my experience of course, which made me laugh because he knows me too well… and a fart slipped out. But I couldn’t stop laughing and then another fart slipped out… and another… and another until finally the finale blast erupted. He was like “gawd damn woman!!! do you need a fucking diaper!??”

And then I laughed so hard I peed my pants on the kitchen floor.

Righto….

Oh, a girl talking about peeing, and look who shows. You thirsty man?

No I’m not thirsty man…are you? You seem to enjoy golden showers and turd burgers?

Oh Im thirsty alright

But no, I dont let women piss in my mouth, Gallonofpissyum lol.

I think you do! Be honest now.

Nope!

Do you poop back and forth with your lady? Do you like being pegged by a hard turd? Does she eat peanuts "for your pleasure" lololol?

 

[Breakfall]

Bonus if you walk out of the bathroom talking about what you ate the night before.

If he joins in the convo .....he is a winner.

Oh, I prolly would've been the one to bring it up first, like "dayum girl, what you eat!?" lolol

I have the most horrific fart story…

So we were having a disagreement a few days ago about how to start the kitchen. He is stubborn and I’m persistent AF with my opinions. You literally have to prove me wrong or I’m not budging, so I’m a royal pain in the ass sometimes. So, we made a pact to always preserve “the bubble” (the safe, squishy place where love remains). So, he decides to lessen the mood with a joke at my experience of course, which made me laugh because he knows me too well… and a fart slipped out. But I couldn’t stop laughing and then another fart slipped out… and another… and another until finally the finale blast erupted. He was like “gawd damn woman!!! do you need a fucking diaper!??”

And then I laughed so hard I peed my pants on the kitchen floor.

Also, I have a lady friend, she aint single though. She peed the floor at her mom's not long ago from laughing so hard lol. She was embarrassed lol "oh no" lol.

Well I'm approaching 42 and have birthed 4 children and regardless of all the kegels and maintenance.....I had a really viscious chest cold that turned into bronchitis last week and I cant tell you how many times I coughed so hard I actually peed.

It was horrifying. Absolutely horrifying.

Oh dang!!!! lol

I hope your guy got you one of them Puppy Pads to sit on lol.

What are you on about? Are you drinking the fire-water?

Lol not yet! You gonna be awake when I get home? lolol

Why you lolololing? The glazier needs to fix the window pane. Are you laughing at the storm damage?

 

[Breakfall]

Bonus if you walk out of the bathroom talking about what you ate the night before.

If he joins in the convo .....he is a winner.

Oh, I prolly would've been the one to bring it up first, like "dayum girl, what you eat!?" lolol

I have the most horrific fart story…

So we were having a disagreement a few days ago about how to start the kitchen. He is stubborn and I’m persistent AF with my opinions. You literally have to prove me wrong or I’m not budging, so I’m a royal pain in the ass sometimes. So, we made a pact to always preserve “the bubble” (the safe, squishy place where love remains). So, he decides to lessen the mood with a joke at my experience of course, which made me laugh because he knows me too well… and a fart slipped out. But I couldn’t stop laughing and then another fart slipped out… and another… and another until finally the finale blast erupted. He was like “gawd damn woman!!! do you need a fucking diaper!??”

And then I laughed so hard I peed my pants on the kitchen floor.

Righto….

Oh, a girl talking about peeing, and look who shows. You thirsty man?

No I’m not thirsty man…are you? You seem to enjoy golden showers and turd burgers?

Oh Im thirsty alright

But no, I dont let women piss in my mouth, Gallonofpissyum lol.

I think you do! Be honest now.

Nope!

Do you poop back and forth with your lady? Do you like being pegged by a hard turd? Does she eat peanuts "for your pleasure" lololol?

@Bastard Factory …am I allowed to fuck this inbred redneck over here in General? The rules seem all over the shop at the moment.

 

[Blazor]

Bonus if you walk out of the bathroom talking about what you ate the night before.

If he joins in the convo .....he is a winner.

Oh, I prolly would've been the one to bring it up first, like "dayum girl, what you eat!?" lolol

I have the most horrific fart story…

So we were having a disagreement a few days ago about how to start the kitchen. He is stubborn and I’m persistent AF with my opinions. You literally have to prove me wrong or I’m not budging, so I’m a royal pain in the ass sometimes. So, we made a pact to always preserve “the bubble” (the safe, squishy place where love remains). So, he decides to lessen the mood with a joke at my experience of course, which made me laugh because he knows me too well… and a fart slipped out. But I couldn’t stop laughing and then another fart slipped out… and another… and another until finally the finale blast erupted. He was like “gawd damn woman!!! do you need a fucking diaper!??”

And then I laughed so hard I peed my pants on the kitchen floor.

Also, I have a lady friend, she aint single though. She peed the floor at her mom's not long ago from laughing so hard lol. She was embarrassed lol "oh no" lol.

Well I'm approaching 42 and have birthed 4 children and regardless of all the kegels and maintenance.....I had a really viscious chest cold that turned into bronchitis last week and I cant tell you how many times I coughed so hard I actually peed.

It was horrifying. Absolutely horrifying.

Oh dang!!!! lol

I hope your guy got you one of them Puppy Pads to sit on lol.

What are you on about? Are you drinking the fire-water?

Lol not yet! You gonna be awake when I get home? lolol

Why you lolololing? The glazier needs to fix the window pane. Are you laughing at the storm damage?

Nah man, I wouldnt laugh at something like that. Im just laughing cause I cant believe you're still up!

 

[Oerdin]

Bonus if you walk out of the bathroom talking about what you ate the night before.

If he joins in the convo .....he is a winner.

Oh, I prolly would've been the one to bring it up first, like "dayum girl, what you eat!?" lolol

I have the most horrific fart story…

So we were having a disagreement a few days ago about how to start the kitchen. He is stubborn and I’m persistent AF with my opinions. You literally have to prove me wrong or I’m not budging, so I’m a royal pain in the ass sometimes. So, we made a pact to always preserve “the bubble” (the safe, squishy place where love remains). So, he decides to lessen the mood with a joke at my experience of course, which made me laugh because he knows me too well… and a fart slipped out. But I couldn’t stop laughing and then another fart slipped out… and another… and another until finally the finale blast erupted. He was like “gawd damn woman!!! do you need a fucking diaper!??”

And then I laughed so hard I peed my pants on the kitchen floor.

What the hell are you eating? lol

He made a pot of pinto beans and they were BOMB lol

Next time maybe soak the beans longer before cooking and remember to change the soaking water two or three times. For everyone else's sake if not your own. Lol!

 

[Blazor]

Bonus if you walk out of the bathroom talking about what you ate the night before.

If he joins in the convo .....he is a winner.

Oh, I prolly would've been the one to bring it up first, like "dayum girl, what you eat!?" lolol

I have the most horrific fart story…

So we were having a disagreement a few days ago about how to start the kitchen. He is stubborn and I’m persistent AF with my opinions. You literally have to prove me wrong or I’m not budging, so I’m a royal pain in the ass sometimes. So, we made a pact to always preserve “the bubble” (the safe, squishy place where love remains). So, he decides to lessen the mood with a joke at my experience of course, which made me laugh because he knows me too well… and a fart slipped out. But I couldn’t stop laughing and then another fart slipped out… and another… and another until finally the finale blast erupted. He was like “gawd damn woman!!! do you need a fucking diaper!??”

And then I laughed so hard I peed my pants on the kitchen floor.

Righto….

Oh, a girl talking about peeing, and look who shows. You thirsty man?

No I’m not thirsty man…are you? You seem to enjoy golden showers and turd burgers?

Oh Im thirsty alright

But no, I dont let women piss in my mouth, Gallonofpissyum lol.

I think you do! Be honest now.

Nope!

Do you poop back and forth with your lady? Do you like being pegged by a hard turd? Does she eat peanuts "for your pleasure" lololol?

@Bastard Factory …am I allowed to fuck this inbred redneck over here in General? The rules seem all over the shop at the moment.

Hahahaha, you need some sleep. Seems you cant take your own medicine!!!!!

 

[Breakfall]

Bonus if you walk out of the bathroom talking about what you ate the night before.

If he joins in the convo .....he is a winner.

Oh, I prolly would've been the one to bring it up first, like "dayum girl, what you eat!?" lolol

I have the most horrific fart story…

So we were having a disagreement a few days ago about how to start the kitchen. He is stubborn and I’m persistent AF with my opinions. You literally have to prove me wrong or I’m not budging, so I’m a royal pain in the ass sometimes. So, we made a pact to always preserve “the bubble” (the safe, squishy place where love remains). So, he decides to lessen the mood with a joke at my experience of course, which made me laugh because he knows me too well… and a fart slipped out. But I couldn’t stop laughing and then another fart slipped out… and another… and another until finally the finale blast erupted. He was like “gawd damn woman!!! do you need a fucking diaper!??”

And then I laughed so hard I peed my pants on the kitchen floor.

Also, I have a lady friend, she aint single though. She peed the floor at her mom's not long ago from laughing so hard lol. She was embarrassed lol "oh no" lol.

Well I'm approaching 42 and have birthed 4 children and regardless of all the kegels and maintenance.....I had a really viscious chest cold that turned into bronchitis last week and I cant tell you how many times I coughed so hard I actually peed.

It was horrifying. Absolutely horrifying.

Oh dang!!!! lol

I hope your guy got you one of them Puppy Pads to sit on lol.

What are you on about? Are you drinking the fire-water?

Lol not yet! You gonna be awake when I get home? lolol

Why you lolololing? The glazier needs to fix the window pane. Are you laughing at the storm damage?

Nah man, I wouldnt laugh at something like that. Im just laughing cause I cant believe you're still up!

Storm, flooding?? What didn’t you read in the memo you absolute goose?