What's the Worst Sex You've Ever Had?

[Big Sexy]

 

[Heisenberg]

I met a chick online and we met for dinner. I was already at the restaurant when she arrived, tried pulling into an angled parking spot from the wrong side, bounced off the BMW in the next spot, then just came in. She was not bad looking, but was wearing a dirty sweat suit. We had dinner and decent conversation. When it was over I figured I'd never hear from her again.

Couple weeks later she messages me wanting to come to my house. I asked why, and she flat out said I need some dick. Gave her directions and 15 minutes later she shows up wearing the same dirty sweat suit. She didn't stink, so I took her to the bedroom. She drops her pants off, hops into bed and spreads her thighs. I climbed on and went balls deep first thrust. After 30 seconds she starts cumming and screams I LOVE YOU! which was kind of unsettling.

After about 5 minutes of mixing her guts up I smell something not good. I pull out and she has shit the bed. She apologizes and goes to the bathroom to finish and clean up while I changes the quilt. She comes back and we get busy again. I pull out and nut all over her stomach and crotch. I go to the bathroom to get a washcloth and towel to clean her up, and when I got back she had just pulled her clothes back on and was leaving. Never heard from her again.

As for my end of things, I used to do loads of cocaine and speed. I got picked up by a larger girl at a bar one night when I was cooked. I warned her things might not work, but she insisted. She started giving me head but I was limber timber. I kept telling her to wait until morning but she kept sucking. After about 45 minutes she slaps me and calls me a bastard. I asked why and she says you just nutted in my mouth and never got hard.

 

[Biggie Smiles]

This is an easy one for me

but I aint sayin no names tho

 

[Dove]

A very very long time ago. I was single and I kept a sort of rotation of guys who liked and pursued me but I never fucked any of them.

And I intentionally didn't fuck them because you get their best behavoir if they are trying to get in your pants.

Well this one guy....his name was Chad, no joke. He was a bigger kinda doofy guy who really had the hots for me something fierce.

So we were partying one night after months of me dicking him around and I decided it was gonna be his lucky night. So I get him alone and I'm being all hot, biting his lip, giving him the look, running my hands up his chest ....I'm a make out queen and I love making out.

Well he cums. Before I even have his pants off. And then he starts blowing on my ear. Like actually blowing. Like my ear is a birthday candle.

So I go to the bathroom real quick and told him my period must have just started and oh man...I gotta get home and clean up and maybe we could take a rain check. I mean I had never been so turned off.

And getting head from Poofer was pretty terrifying. Toothy. How the fuck do you give a woman toothy head?!

 

[Dove]

I really have to have feelings for a person in order to enjoy sex with them.

I've done it without feelings....and I hate it. It's almost impossible for me to have an orgams if there are no feelings involved.

I need trust, chemistry a d excitement. If I'm in love? Skill wouldn't even matter I'm all about the person. I am SO in love right now and all he has to do is breath on me.

Okay he has to do more than breath but you get my point lol.

Bad sex is everyone I had sex with with whom I shared no romantic feelings. Except with women....I can have sex all day with a woman just enjoying her. Women are beautiful.

 

[Adam Hitler]

A very very long time ago. I was single and I kept a sort of rotation of guys who liked and pursued me but I never fucked any of them.

And I intentionally didn't fuck them because you get their best behavoir if they are trying to get in your pants.

Well this one guy....his name was Chad, no joke. He was a bigger kinda doofy guy who really had the hots for me something fierce.

So we were partying one night after months of me dicking him around and I decided it was gonna be his lucky night. So I get him alone and I'm being all hot, biting his lip, giving him the look, running my hands up his chest ....I'm a make out queen and I love making out.

Well he cums. Before I even have his pants off. And then he starts blowing on my ear. Like actually blowing. Like my ear is a birthday candle.

So I go to the bathroom real quick and told him my period must have just started and oh man...I gotta get home and clean up and maybe we could take a rain check. I mean I had never been so turned off.

And getting head from Poofer was pretty terrifying. Toothy. How the fuck do you give a woman toothy head?!

I'm getting American Pie vibes... "Chad" (delicious irony) must have been a virgin. LOL

 

[Dove]

I'm getting American Pie vibes... "Chad" (delicious irony) must have been a virgin. LOL

He said "sorry I just really like you"

Fuck it was awkward LOL. That's MI in the late 90s for ya lol

 

[Breakfall]

The burger_flipper can’t even give a chick decent head! Lol

 

[Breakfall]

I can’t really say that I’ve ever had bad sex, because I’ve cum every time. But I‘ll say this much…when she lies flat on her back, is not very enthusiastic and resembles a starfish…well that’s a bit underwhelming. Fortunately that only happened once in a while during my bachelor dayz thank fuck!

 

[Oliver Shagnasty]

I had sexy time with this ugly ass bitch a few years ago she was fat with no titties..very sadness she just laid there and grunted like a pig I thought she'd never leave me alone I ghosted her but she was very persistent for a long time

 

[Breakfall]

I had sexy time with this ugly ass bitch a few years ago she was fat with no titties..very sadness she just laid there and grunted like a pig I thought she'd never leave me alone I ghosted her but she was very persistent for a long time

I’ve had sexy time with ugly chicks that have had surprisingly beautiful vaginas. Butter faced chicks! Lol

 

[Oliver Shagnasty]

I’ve had sexy time with ugly chicks that have had surprisingly beautiful vaginas. Butter faced chicks! Lol

Truer words never spake ye some of them ugly bishes are passionate

 

[Breakfall]

Truer words never spake ye some of them ugly bishes are passionate

Fucking oath. I’ve also had drop-dead gorgeous women that were absolute duds in bed! The biggest turn-off for me is bad breath.
Some chicks don’t floss!

 

[Oliver Shagnasty]

Fucking oath. I’ve also had drop-dead gorgeous women that were absolute duds in bed! The biggest turn-off for me is bad breath.
Some chicks don’t floss!

That's no joke I HATE bad breath and it relatively common unfortunately

 

[Dove]

HOW do you fuck some one you aren't even attracted to?!

 

[Oliver Shagnasty]

HOW do you fuck some one you aren't even attracted to?!

Where there's a hole there's a goal

 

[Breakfall]

HOW do you fuck some one you aren't even attracted to?!

Beer goggles baby…beer goggles!

 

[Dove]

Beer goggles baby…beer goggles!

I don't believe it. I knock back beers with the best of them and I couldn't fuck someone I found repugnant.

 

[Breakfall]

I don't believe it. I knock back beers with the best of them and I couldn't fuck someone I found repugnant.

Yeah but men also do their thinking with the little head when it comes to sex. Testosterone-fuelled insanity! Lol

 

[Dove]

Yeah but men also do their thinking with the little head when it comes to sex. Testosterone-fuelled insanity! Lol

Well my "little head" is directly connected to the big one so if my head isn't in it....uhg.

I couldn't do it.

 

[Oliver Shagnasty]

Women are complicated I'd hate to deal with all that bullshit

 

[Breakfall]

Well my "little head" is directly connected to the big one so if my head isn't in it....uhg.

I couldn't do it.

Ol’ Poofter reckoned you peed out of it! Lol…that shit will never get old! What a simpleton.

 

[Oliver Shagnasty]

Once you go black you never go back so they say I ain't never shagged me a nigger gal

 

[Breakfall]

Once you go black you never go back so they say I ain't never shagged me a nigger gal

I’ve shagged black chicks, yellow chicks, white chicks (naturally), olive chicks and every shade there is. They’re all chicks and I loved ‘em all equally.

 

[Oliver Shagnasty]

Never had me an Asian chick either

 

[Breakfall]

Never had me an Asian chick either

You’re missing out. They’re extremely clean and providing.

 

[Breakfall]

I only had SE Asian chicks when I was doing business in Jakarta, Java. The place is flooded with the Dutch and German businessman, so I came across as a positive change. They just want to be respected like any other woman. And so they should…

 

[Oliver Shagnasty]

One day I'll be a real gold cat

 

[Dove]

Ol’ Poofter reckoned you peed out of it! Lol…that shit will never get old! What a simpleton.

I was really digging him at first. Seriously. His mask is funny, understanding, considerate....he knows how to fake it for like a week lol.

When I slept with him I was genuinely into him. He started to love bomb and got pretty intense and I started picking up on lies, he was doing that negging shit and picking stupid fights.

And the way I am....I don't do drama in my life. If the person I'm with or the person I'm seeing is upset with me, I genuinely care about that and I will talk it through. This guy escalates .....so when I would try to understand and work the issue out he would just come with more anger and twist shit....like he wanted to fight all day.

I ain't doing that shit. No dick on the planet is worth my peace and confidence. And frankly he wasn't even in my top 3 best lays. I like passion. You have to be authentic and firey to turn me on in a way I won't forget. It's the energy for me.

 

[Breakfall]

Hahahahaa…