@Murdock ... American women enjoy dramatising everything.
we are 60% high fructose corn syrup estrogen psychos lol
You really are a spoilt and naive nation.
I’m a spoiled brat and proud of it
Each to there own. Now excuse me dear, I need to do my ritual sword practice, have a coffee and some avocado on toast, and go hunting for some surf. Xx
I’m my fathers only daughter… so it’s not my fault lol
Avocado on sourdough toast is my FAVE omg <3
I have one daughter and would love to spoil her, but alas, she can’t get over the fact that I left her with her two brothers and a cheating ex-wife. It was either I leave or beat the fuck out of the next ex-husband (#4) and regret my decision (for breaking him apart).
As an only daughter, do you think will she ever come around? At the moment I can’t deal with her constant negativity and feelings of abandonment. She’s a headstrong redhead with Scottish ancestry and a feminist hippie, which compounds issues. It’s one of the reasons why I practice arguing so much with LotusBottom...
Aaaaaaaaaagh...difficult daughters!
Yes she will come around. Get real with her. Dont give up letting her know you are there.
You are gonna get shit tested because once daddy rips your heart out.....its never fully healed.
:/
Well it’s not as if I ripped her heart out. I ended up moving interstate, partly for business reasons. The other reason was that I initially had given her mother permission to move further away (4hours) to a farm property to start a relationship with the 4th husband to be, but on the condition that she meet me halfway on the road when it came to access with my daughter...that stopped happening because they couldn’t be fucked driving the distance in the end. *This decision of theirs to move far away was initially due to the “abusive” nature of the 2nd husband before me, father of the two boys.
Now...fast-track 9 years down the line...my ex wife left the 4th husband for husband #5 and hit the road in a RV, leaving all three kids to fend for themselves, my daughter was doing her finals in high school (year 12).
See where the abandonment issues get compounded and served in dollops when I try to come to the rescue?
@Murdock ...your take too please.
Trust me when dad moves far away it hurts. Abandonment issues are part of that. I have(had really, not so much anymore) abandonment issues because of BOTH my mother and father. I was mostly raised by my grandmother.
Really screwed up my ability to have healthy relationships with men. So I've been divorced a few times. I run hot and cold.
And because I've been divorced a few times, I have a daughter from each marriage. My oldest dad moved out of state, she goes to visit him every other Christmas and every summer....though shes 18 and her friends and her girlfriend are here, she doesnt stay at her dad's very long. Its become 3 to 4 weeks and shes home.
My second daughters father was abusive. We were married very fast (love bombing...I didnt know better) and he was very controling and mentally/emotionally abusive. He actually sabotaged my birth control and my second pregnancy was reproductive coercion. I guess he figured getting me pregnant would tie me to him. Everyone wanted me to abort. I absolutely did not and I made sure he would never be involved - and he hasnt been. He went on to have a series of other abusive relationships where he had more children. I do talk to one of the "other mothers".
When she was younger and asked about her dad, I simply told her he was very ill in his feelings and he had to go to a special feelings doctor and maybe later when he is better, she would be able to see him and then follow it up with how special she is. It never bothered her much. Now that shes older, shes more aware of the truth....and understands he isnt being bashed. She knows she has the option of contacting him....but she doesnt have much interest. My husband has been "dad" to her for the past 10 years...she's pretty satisfied with him and my in laws being her family. She gets curious but that's it.
I get all of that. My daughters definately had struggles they wouldnt have had if I had been stable enough to provide them a two parent home from birth. Emotionally damaged people will always end up in a cycle with other emotionally damage people and then that damages the kids caught in it. That damage and those abandonment issues come from us....the parents. Whether we intended to hurt them or not.
And on top of you moving, sounds like your daughters mother relationship hopped(serial monogamy).....likely because one of her parents wasnt present. Abandonment and codependency always ends up a dysfunctional family tradition where people just pass down an inability to truly trust or properly bond to a romantic partner. And pick abusive people.
I know people hate to hear that because it's a bitter pill but it's the truth. If our kids have emotional issues(leaving aside a serious mental health issue like bipolar or schizophrenia) it's our fault as the parents. I'm not saying we are monsters or should be shamed and flogged in the public square. Human being are inherently flawed and none of us like saying or hearing it. We all do OUR best, and that looks different for everyone.
But as long as you keep making yourself available and you are consistent and dont do shit out of guilt(like enabling an unhealthy habit), it will definately foster a stronger relationship with your daughter and that's what you want. You just love her.
I had so many issues with my dad, but that's how he was for me. He didnt push, he consistently had my back, and he earned my trust and respect. He couldn't help that he wasnt there for me growing up, he had serious mental health issues and he was getting the help he needed. So he didnt intentionally hurt me.....but the absence of a parent is deeply painful regardless of the circumstances.
Being a parent is hard. It's made harder if you have a divorce/single parent dynamic. I hope you can pick a sentence or 2 out of my blather you find helpful :D